Bipolar and Psychotic Features

[Delusion]

Please take this seriously =(

I went to see a doctor but they dismissed it as imagination.. I cycle between depression where i carnt even move or look at people just into mania sometimes within 24 hours i try and hide them both when they feel like their at their extremes. I also alternate from insomnia to hypersomnia usually over about 3 nights on average. I have what you might call visual hallucinations not severe i can tell they are not real i also get very paranoid and irritable with my friends a lot of the time i constantly feel like something is watching me..i sometimes have memory lapses in the day where i feel like im not really in my own body having my own thoughts that someone else is having them and i carnt recognise when its me in there..

Does it sound like i could have something more than depression?

[Delusion]

I know there seems to be a link between intelligence and creativity with mental illness.. not exactly sure if thats true in my case, im going to university soo im vaugely above average, i think im just one of the average people :-/

I do need a better doctor if i see another one i dont even know if i should tell them everything.. i hallucinate and im often aware of it and i know ive been pretty paranoid and delusional for much of my life. Thing is at their extremes those are psychotic symptoms.. i dont feel psychotic im not a bad or nasty person :-(

You say theres been times you felt like people could read your thoughts? I get that but i only noticed and really realised the last few years, its just so subconscious you know? you dont just think to yourself my thought patterns are abnormal because mabye its the way youve always been thinking..

I feel so pathetic talking about all this.. like im not normal. Your right that mental illness has a stigma :-/

[Nikki2226]

I'm sorry you are dealing with these problems but there is help out there.  You just have to be brave and ask for it!  Yes mental illness has a stigma, but it is better to be embarassed but healthy than is to be depressed and keep it a secret.  There are a ton of successful people out there who have struggled with mental illness, including Ben Stiller, Georgia O'keef, Abraham Lincon, and many other authors, poets, artists, and politicians.  They have all managed to live succesful lives and we can too.  It sounds like you need a better doctor who can help you and will listen and give you the correct diagnosis.  You never know, your family and friends might be more supportive than you think.  Mine sure were.  Several of your symptoms sound just like mine, but I don't have problems with hallucinations.  Sometimes I think people can read my thoughts though.  I am bipolar with mixed episodes and rapid cycling.  There are medications out there that can really help.  It just takes time and a lot of work to find out the best treatment for you.  But you can feel better. Hang in there.  

[determined2beatit]

I too rapid cycle and have mild hallucinations...visual as well as auditory. The auditory are worse but the visual I get only when things get really bad and I'm depressed. I too know they're not real but they make me paranoid. I think I see dark images of a man out of the corner of my eyes following me from place to place. If I look straight at it , it isn't there. I told my doc and he said that is a part of my bipolar and put me on Geodan. They went away!!! When I am soooo stressed, they come back! Very upsetting! I know you don't want any one to know but you CANNOT have these and not get help! It can get worse! You have to confide in someone you trust to help you to get to a doctor! He can put you on a med to help you. It affects everything, your paranoia, relationships!If your friend knows this about you and has distanced herself I feel bad for you.People that can't understand will go away! You have to learn that the people that stick with you are your friends.It's too scary for some people to process!
Try to go see a doc. It's very importatnt!  Good Luck!

[Delusion]

I said i was A level as in im studying A levels im by no means a A grade student =(

My last exam is today ive been out of school most of this year because of whats been happening to me when i change i just carnt deal with being around people..

So far its screwed up my A levels and therefore my chance of getting into university its also screwed up my relationship with my best friend she know doesnt speak to me anymore :( i miss her she was the only person ive told about all this.. she probally just thinks im a screwed up guy with to much of a imagination..

I just want drugs, how pathetic does that sound, i just want some medicine that will control this =[

[jen21287]

I have to agree that you must seek help. Your high grades will not last, trust me. I have been there. I was once a straight A student, accepted to a university in the top 5 percent, only to hit rock bottom.  I turned to alcohol to solve my problems and I was then put on academic probation for low grades and after the 2nd semester, kicked out of school. It took me a long time to get better and do well in school. Get help before things get too out of control. You do not want to risk ruining your academic career and most importantly your life. This illness is serious and needs proper treatment.

[triedeverymed]

Ruby Shooz sounds right. You MUST get help. If you don't this disease will begin to take over your life. Forget the straight A's you won't have them anymore. You will slowly loose your life to this disease if you choose to do nothing. You could end up house bound from severe depression or like most of us with bipolar, become a substance abuser to ease your symptoms. You need to see a doctor and get a diagnosis. 2 out of 3 people wih rapid cycling bipolar tri to commit suicide at least once in thier life, at least once. That's pretty high odds to mess around with.

[Delusion]

Thanks Tyzer and Ruby but unfortunately i cannot get help..

Im an A level student living at home i dont want my family knowing im going to the doctors and the one im registered at is very far away i have no way to get there but i carnt get dropped there because i want it secret.. at least until im on some kind of treatment. I saw an emergency doctor somewhere else but you can only do that as a one off he told me to go see my resgistered one despite me telling him i couldnt and it wasnt possible for me..

I dont want to feel happy anymore i want to feel average, i havnt felt average in such a long time, either wild chatty flirty party goer or a few hours later sat in a pool of sick bottle of gin in one hand and anything vaugely sharp in the other crying.

I wish 'normal' people would understand

[RubyShooz]

It sounds like you have rapid cycling bipolar.  I have it too.  It means you cycle between depression and mania, as much as several times a day, or several times a week.  It's a real bummer, always bouncing back and forth like that, but it can be helped a lot with the proper medicine.  For decades I was treated just for depression but last year I had a serious manic episode that I could not ignore, and was diagnosed with bipolar.  At that time I realized that I had been bipolar all my life -- I just never reported it to my psych doctor because when I was manic, I was feeling on top of the world and did not realize anything was wrong.  But looking back on my sexual promiscuity, having 3 "quickie" marriages and divorces, wild spending sprees, they were all signs of mania but I thought everyone was that way.  I only reported my severe depression to my doctor at that time.  Now that I've been properly diagnosed and treated, my rapid cycling is somewhat controlled.  Please see your doctor and explain your symptoms to him or her.
Hugs,
Ruby

[Tyzer33]

I experience the same type of hallucinations thoguht i think its down to a side effect of meds i can be quite paraniod sometimes as well it sets in on me quite quickly and i find it hard to control sometimes. If your not happy with your doctor i suggest you get a scond opinion. It took me to get a very good psyciatrist and a good nurse for them to finally recognise my illnes and start treating me properly for it. You know when somethings wrong with your own body so it couldnt hurt to get another doctor to look into it further. Personally i have found that female doctors have been far more understanding and have took a better interest in me ( thats just my personal experience thought). Hope this helps you.