Ok...to make this short, I was diagnosed as having bipolar when I was 13. I stayed on depakote for 4 years, and quit cold turkey when I graduated from HS and got kicked off my parents insurance. I seemed to be ok, in fact I was so "ok" that I started to doubt that I ever had bipolar to start with. That said, the last few months I have been going through bouts of rage and craziness that are worrying. I get so mad sometimes that my heart starts racing and I feel like I want to punch everything. I have two kids and there are times that just by being themselves, it puts me overboard and I fly off the handle without even having a chance to think (i would never hurt them...i can control it to that extent). Today, they were playing (theyre 6 and 2) and they were arguing...and I flipped out...put them in their rooms...and now I am sitting here heart racing, pissed off at the world, and I dont even know why. Is this bipolar? Has it been there the entire time? Any advice is appreciated.
I experience those fits of rage. The are triggered by the most minor things. My thoughts will ratchet up, up, and up. I find that these occur during mixed states, when I'm generally more agitated and angry.
Do you have insurance? Are you open to going back on Depakote to "just see"? Personally I like Lamictal much better than Depakote. They're also both generic which helps with cost.
I'd also advise staying away from antidepressants. In bipolar they often make things worse.
Best to try and get to a clinic and ask a psychiatrist to do an evaluation. If you are having trouble paying for meds the websites of most of the drugs offer financial assistance.
Because even if you are not hitting your kids, your anger outbursts are hurting them. And if things get too ramped up it is possible to go over the edge and become physical. With bipolar things can escalate into physical abuse, and then you would feel so horrible.
Try to find the money to get an evaluation and see what they say.
pdocs say that sometimes BP pts seem ok and call this euthymia period whether it's true or not !!. But I doubt like you whether you have BP. Because 4 years on depakote then quit it and felt ok it's weird. My view is that your social problems are the reason, when you get mad so much and angry doesn't mean you have BP. I would start on a small dose of tranquilizers before taking the bloody stuff of mood stabilizers.
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