Bipolar son becoming violent

I have been on here before. Have a 31 yr. old son living with me and my husband. Since last December has been hospitalized 4 times and 2 suicide attempts. In counseling and sees a psychiatrist. On multiple meds for being bipolar, paranoid, OCD and also on different meds for cholesterol, high blood pressure and COPD.

This is the most mentally ill I have ever seen my son. And there has been a long history for years. But, it is time I was brutally honest. Other things are going on with my son. He also has a history of drinking and drug abuse. In the past months, my son has found my Xanax at least 3 times. I am prescribed them. I also suffer with mental illness...bipolar I and anxiety. I hide my Xanax from him. Which I shouldn't have to do in my own home. Eventually he finds them. My son is on Klonepin. I also hide his Klonepin from him. I give him his daily dose. He has found his Klonepin at least 3 times as well. Each time he has found my Xanax and his Klonepin, he will take at least 25 of them out of the bottles. And take them over the course of a few days. How I am missing he is on so much during these times....well I just don't know. I am dealing with so much. Yet, he doesn't abuse his other meds and takes them daily on his own.

The drinking is not going on daily. But it is happening enough times though. If my son could drink daily, then sure he would. We live less than a 5 minute walk from all things a liquor store. Me and my husband do not drink. Do not want to be around drinking. We both were formerly married to alcoholics. I already feel like I have to guard dog my son so to speak. Has to be watched constantly. I though am only human. I slip up. I get so tired of watching a 31 yr. old man 24/7. I have to allow him to go outside. And when he does, he is sneaking to the liquor store and purchasing his liquor.

This is what me and my husband have been through in the last 2 days. My son sneaks off to drink both days. And the hell me and my husband have been through has been unreal and awful. My son both days threatens my husband and me. Threatened to fight my husband. Threatened  to kill me. Set fire to a big pile of rotten tree trunks. It was witnessed by people. People had to move their cars and the tree trunks were very close to buildings. And my son did this in the apt. complex where we live. We are the types that are very private people and keep to ourselves. No one that witnessed the fire has yet to associate that somehow this is my son. Then, me and my husband went to the grocery tonight. My son was outside somewhere drinking. I tried to find him before we left because we were going to have to lock the apartment. Of course, my son could not be found. We come home from the grocery, my son crashed open the apt. door. Wood chips and paint everywhere around the door. The door frame is going to have to be repaired. It will still lock but it is not secure like it once was at all. My son tried to tell us that someone broke in. But, we knew better. My next door neighbor was on her balcony. She witnessed him breaking open the door.

The night before when my son was sleeping, he vomits in his sleep. It is on the sheets and on the floor. With all the meds he is on and the drinking, plus he has put on massive weight since being on Depakote, I am so afraid he is going to die in his sleep. This has happened numerous times. My son never remembers that it has happened during the night.

I am this man's mother. But, I cannot do this anymore. I have been rather stable with my mental illness for a long while. Over the months of dealing with this, it is tearing me down physically and mentally. At what cost to myself do I continue? I am getting some age on me. I am 53 and have health problems of my own. I have lost 15 lbs. since this began last December. I don't have the weight to lose.  My son upsets me so much that I am afraid I am going to have a heart attack. My husband is now saying that something has to be done with my son. My husband does not want him living here anymore. And actually I can well see where my husband is coming from. I have been so depressed over the weeks. Lost interest in things, wanting to sleep to avoid all this and I have become very moody.

I am bucking heads with the mental health field. My son needs long term care. He has to be watched like a child. I am not equipped to handle something of this magnitude. This is far beyond a mother helping her child. My son has done AA, drug rehabs, drug classes etc. And this is esculating. Putting other people at risk now. I do not want this responsibility on my hands. Plus, I have a 24 yr. old son. My 24 yr. old is about to beat the daylights out of his brother. Mentally ill or not. The 24 yr. old is highly upset that he is tearing up the apt. and threatening me. My 24 yr. old is very mellow type. But, make him mad and he sees red. And I certainly do not want the violence of 2 brothers physically fighting.

This is tearing me apart and the family. I understand mental illness. I have it myself and have seen my oldest son deal with it for years. But, I would not wish this on anyone. I have even been thinking about going into the hospital myself. That is how bad this is effecting me. And it is not fair. I was stable. My son is starting to really scare me at this point. He will sit outside and talk to himself. I think the neighbors are getting some concerned as well. He sees and talks to things not there all the time. We had to call 911 just maybe a month ago. The police are trained in intervention with the mentally ill in my town. I believe I posted about it. It took 2 hours for them to talk to my son here in our home and calm him down. He had been drinking. My son had a large stick made from lumber and a knife. Hospital this time sent him home. And it has been going downhill. And it will continue to go downhill, until we get some kind of serious help. My son's psychiatrist knows about the drinking and pills.

His OCD is like nothing I have never seen before. Takes him hours to shave and bathe. Plus, he is obsessed about his health. It is all he talks about. I hear it over and over everyday, until now I could actually scream. I have him a medical doctor. She is sending him to a urologist. The appt. is today. Then, he has an appt. next week with a sleep clinic. The family doctor has run every kind of blood test on him. All we have found so far is high cholesterol, blood pressure and very early stage of COPD. He though is so convinced he is dying. I cannot get anything into his head. I explain it over and over to him, that he is mentally ill, on multiple meds and abusing substances. Then he is hitting the 300 lb. mark. Big guy to begin with, but a weight gain of 80 lbs. in past year. No wonder he feels bad with all this.

I cannot just throw him out. He will end up dead. But, the way it is going, he could end up dead here on me. I knew this son was different since the age of 3. Always been so hard to handle. Teenage years were a nightmare as well. Spent 5 yrs. in medium security prison over stupid things. Being mentally ill and abusing substances. And I have fought this son of mine hard for many years. I did rehabs etc. when he was a teenager. For every bad move he made, I was right behind him doing battle with him. So, I was not the type of parent, that buried their head in the sand and pretended nothing was ever wrong.

I do not think there is any help or solution. But, I am also very depressed and anxiety is extreme. Hard to see hope.

[ILADVOCATE]

  It would be worth inquiring about supported or supportive housing (depending on which level they believe he qualifies for). They also can do medication monitoring as well and provide other forms of supervision.