I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Crap, my grandma had it though and she seemed pretty normal to me. I have actually been this way as long as I can remember, and I'm 41 now. I self medicated with cigarettes and alcohol for years, but then stopped both in September. Then WOW!!! All the things I thought were just normal, such as talking a hundred miles an hour, sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night and being fine with it, or not being able to sleep and being soooo tired. The nervousness, and agitation of following slow people in the mall. Never being able to just sit and enjoy anything cause I just had to keep moving, or didn't have time to think about it cause my brain was super busy thinking about 7000 things at once. All these things doubled in intensity. My blood pressure was through the roof and anxiety unmanageable :(. So after now being on 5 different medications for depression and anxiety as well as a beta blocker, all of which would work for a few weeks then not work I had to goto the doctor again today...after talking to me he referred me to a psychiatrist and put me on depakote, as well as the other meds lol. Then I read today that antidepressants can throw u into a manic state lol...I live in a manic state most of the time...always super up beat joking with everyone, a little bit too happy, the fun one, while inside I'm like dead feeling, like nothing bothers me, like I shut off my emotions, and am just acting my way through life. I hope that once I go to the psychiatrist he will reevaluate my meds and get me on the right ones.
Well I really don't wanna have it, but it explains why I'm am the way I am. Not that I wanna change who I am I like me, just good to know there is a reason I am so different from everyone I know and why I never really fit in with people growing up, or should I say could give a crap less about people around I was to busy trying to cope with my daily life. So in a way I wonder how my life would have been different without it, but man I did have a lot of fun lol.
It is difficult when you first hear of the diagnosis. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed with it because treatment takes a long time and although you definitely do need to advocate for yourself let the drs handle the medicine for now letting them know about side effects that you have as soon as you notice them. SSRIs send me into mania but not everyone. There are a lot of mistakes to be made that a lot of us do so I will give you this advice:
Although mania is fun believe them when they say you will crash
Once you find some meds that work stay on them even if you miss the mania
Read all you can but don't read too much into any of it
There are a lot more things to learn but please keep coming back and you will get a lot of advice from people who have been going through recovery longer and learn of some of the ways we are managing ours now.
Good luck to you
I was Dx very recently (end of Feb) at 41. I just went through a very similar experience. I gave up alcohol 5 years ago but still smoke. Had super high stress job, family issues, etc...and started getting manic (not that I knew it - duh). My GP put me on antidepressants thinking i had "major depressive disorder" which threw me into acute mania, and after 3 months of saying "this is making me worse" he realized I was bipolar. By that point I lost my job and my family was pissed at me. I was a wreck! Sigh.
Mania for me was no picnic. I got angry, paranoid, anxious and stressed about not sleeping. Back pain from doing too much.
If you need a listening/reading "ear"' I'm available. Hurray for unemployment, JK. I'm new and may ramble, but... I'm around & addicted to my iPad. LOL
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