Chronic Masterbating

[Lori_2367]

My son has recently been diagnosed Bipolar among four or five others as a result of his desire to self gratify (masterbate). He started around 3 or 4. In the beginning in noticed him trying to rub his penis back and forth on items i.e ( a large pole) that his arms wont even fit around, then one time he tried to rap his legs around my leg as I was talking to the mail man. ( I was mortified) Any how, I explained if he was to do that to do it privatly. I did not want to give it to much energy or attention. And it worked, it stopped. However, the act itself has not. He continously does it. the worse part is I am being blamed for the behavior. DCF removed him from the home and since he has been gone, he apperantly has begun acting out even more. Behaving in manors that I have given up the last five years of my life to prevent from happening. They believe because I am a child of multiple child molestors, that I would actually do this to my son. So, they believe he has learned this from me because of my history. The point is his behaviors were not what
they are now. He has daily nightmares, now he is urinating the bed, and of course continues to mastebate in the foster home they have placed him. He did not learn this from me. I have not had a boyfriend since he has been born, and after he was born I was breastfeeding. I do not know about other women, but sefl gratificaton went out fhe door. I was full of milk with a child attached to my breast every two hours.. He has also been diagnosed as reactive attachment, chronic ptsd, hyperthymic & cyclothymic. I am wondering how many other children masterbate this often. I know it is a normal part of growing up. I just believe because they are putting so much emphasis on it and dening  that he is experencing seperation anxiety as well. He is tramtized right now. I wonder if this is why he is masterbating so much. It seems the more therapist that he comes in contact with, the more disfunctionaly behaviors come out.  Now I find out it is occuring so often he is getting brusis on his genital area. The worse part that they are blaming me and have taken my visitation rights away from me because of this. I do not believe he knows what the difference between the truth and a lie is any more. By his own admission, he said he lies all the time. Prior to him leaving the house, he did not tell lias. I never worried about him lieing. I could always get the truth out of him by reminding him what happens when we tell the truth and when we lie.  Could all the mental health professioanals be making matter worse?  He is gaining excess weight from the depakote they started him on and are interputing it as him gorging himself because he has been abused ( that is what I am being accused of) due to the excessive masterbating. Please any advice would really help. I feel like this is a horror movie and we are in it. I just want my child to be left alone. There are cases where over doing it makes matters worse and I believe this is one of those cases. Like when a neurosurgeon tells you , your chances of walking or moving your legs again are impossible. And then with determination and self will along with alot of work, you walk again.  I just feel like he needs to just be left alone and for all 10 or more therapist to let him be.  Just let him be a five year old child. I appreciate any feed back or if anyone else has had the same problem. I would love to hear about it.

[Lori_2367]

The only ones he has come in contact with is my mother and myself (that I am aware of).
However, he is currently in "theraputic foster care" with a 10 yr old boy and there was a 13 yr old girl. They said he was caught laying on her and sticking his tongue in her mouth. My point is who is the oldest ? I am not saying he is innocent. But they did lie to me regarding that matter. I saw him ater words and he had two bruses on him, one on his wrist, and the other on his schin. He told me then she had done that to him. He did not mention the sexual stuff. I am wondering what is going on in that house. I have no way of knowing. He defenitaly has behavioral issues. Another disorder they labeled him with is conduct disorder. The worse part in this, is I know he is confuesed by what it is they are asking him. They have asked him if we are having sex etc. They also asked him who taught him how to masterbate, he apperantly said I did. I have not done so . I did however, explain what it was he was doing and told him it was natural and that he need to do it privately not publicly. He would do it for periods of time that it would hurt his leg, so I told him older boys use their hands and do not do it that way. I explained by demonstrating in a hand motion, not on him but you know up and down and told him to hold it instead of rubbing around and around to the point he is hurting himself. So, I believe when they ask him who taught him, some where in there he is getting confused. It has been difficult for me raising him as I have never had boundries set for me. I would never wish on anyone what was done to me. And I would never ever harm my child and any inapproperate manner. They had me go and see this psycho-sexual therapist, and she wrote the horrific things about me. Granted she had help by my sister with whom I have no relationship with. But she was contracted by DCF so that report naturally was in their favor. You are lucky that your children where able togo to family members. I am not so lucky. I am a firm believer that alot of what he is displaying is as a result of seperation anxiety. He has not seen that kind of behavior come from me. I have chosen not to have boyfriends since his birth. I have has intercourse but not with him present. And I have refrained from any self gratifictation since he was born. As I said earlier, I have not felt up to it. The other behavioral issue they are conerned with is he killed my parrott. He did not cut him up, he was trying to get the parrott to let him hold him as he allowed me to hold him. However, parrotts are very loyal to one master only. The other reason he stated was because the bird bit me. That happened due to him treating the bird badly. So, I lost my bird. And he can be crule to my german shepard at times. I truly believe these behaviors treated can be delt with, but he is no Jeffery Dalmer and I am not the child abuser they are positive I am. He has been gone for four months and will be gone for at least another four months. MY concern is he will get worse not better. I can only pray and know that my God is his God and know he is being taken care of as I am. I will go through any therapy and do what ever they want as long as my son is returned to me. At this point that is my greatest concern. As far as my sister goes, she will get hers. The bible say's so on that suject. For her to call his case manager and say what  she has. which is her perception on my state of mind. She has me diagnosed as being Borderline and Biplor I and II. And it was ironic that the therapist diagnosed me with such. Additionally, because I have not gone out since my son was born, and stated I have always wanted a child of my own so I could love him unconditoinally and they too would love me unconditionally, she has taken that as I have made my son my lover and partner. All of this is so sick, it makes me sick. I just keep praying and reading the bible. My biggest concern is how my son is going to take not being able to see me any longer. I just hope this does not do more damage.. And yes, they have put him on a **** load of medication, depakote (which has him gainng weight and eating so much he cant stop) and they are interupting that as his way of coping with the abuse, also medication for the adhd, and seroquel which I do agree with at this time because he is sleep deprived due to nightmare which again they are blaming me for. He never had these nightmares here nor did he wet the bed here and nor did he act in the manor in which he has.So, I apprecitate what you wrote, actually everyone wrote. MY heart is broken, but my consench is clear. I know what I have done and I am not responsible for his acting out. He never saw me behave in such manors, I do not know what has caused this, I just want him to be left alone to be a child and not an experment. Because that is what he is right now, every therapist dream of a child they can disect and figure out. That is where the most damage is coming from. It is unfortunate and I have never had to go thru any thing so painful watching my son go thru this. Well, again, thank you. If you have any other advice. I would love to hear it. One other thing, just because Dylan is saying that does not make it real or that he is trying to ask for help. After he killed my bird, he told everyone what he did. He will tell everyone about every  detail of his life if they would listen. He is just a sweet, too trusting child. Oh, no, Ihave not allowed anyone to babysit him besides myself and my mother. Although he denies anything occuring. By his own words, he calles him self a liar. So, I do not know what to beiieve anymore. I know he did not lie to me before.
Lori_2367 out. ps.

Monkey, I really loved what you said. I agree with you completly. Unfortunatly the DCF see it differently. I do believe he is having seperation anxiey. They actually said I violated his privacy by taking naked photos of him (under five) and because I would take showers with him and clean him, I was violating his privacy as well as not shutting the door when he would use the restroom. He is terrified of being left alone. Even to go pee. So, yes the door would stay open. He  told me when he first got to the forster home, she would put him in time out by placing him in a room alone, then come and shut the door and tell him she did not want to listen to him. This has happened more than once. He was terrified of me telling his case manager because she would tell the foster witch and he would get put in more trouble. There is so much here it is a mess. If you or anyone can suggest a really good leading child psychologist I would appreciate it. And, I do have a lawyer, If I didnt, I would be in jail by now if that women had her wish. But her 72 page novel has descrepencies and holes in there. So, we have to sit down and do this. I believe I am going to go back to school to become a paralegal. I am currently a nurse.
Thank you all for this support and I would love any other suggestions or if you know of a leading like number one untouchable child psycologist let me know please.
Lori_2367 out.
Good morning by the way.

[monkeyc]

He has had every diagnosis on the planet but also sounds like he is in a dfficult situation as well.  I advise seeking a second opinion on this - there may be other things driving this behaviour and it may not be mental illness - do not believe every doctor who tells you your child is mentally ill and offers drugs.

It could be - entirely based on what you are telling me he is acting out based on the therapy sessions, young children can and do do this and in fact therapy can make younger children behave differently - they get attention and they learn that by acting out they get more attention, people treat them differently if they do what they are 'expected' to do.  The acting out can also be part of seperation anxiety - he is now in the system as well and they will treat the daylights out of him and if the US is anything like australia the quality of doctoring may not be the best.

As for masturbation.  ok point one - masturbation is normal.  It is not naughty, dirty, sick or disgusting and the very WORST thing anyone can do is tell him those things - that can scar a child and damage their sexual development.  It may be because it gives him pleasure, it may be an escape, it may be for many reasons.

And chronic masturbation is NOT a symptom of bipolar despite the best efforts of the child psychiatrists in the USA to convince otherwise.  

I think you need some legal advice at this point from what you are saying and you need to regain custody of your child.

*full disclosure - I do not agree that children as young as 5 present with bipolar in general and fully state this up front - I think the diagnoses are very often wrong and can lead to medication usage which can be harmful and even deadly in some cases.

[tres1965]

I found out 8 yrs. ago that my EX-husband was sexually abusing my 2 sons. Beginning at age 9. The way I 'clued' in was my sons & my ex all began fondling themselves. They were observed by me at times catching themselves 'acting out' privately. At trial it came about that my EX had been abused as a boy, & his Father before him. The blessing in  all this hell was help was given at a young age & the abuse handn't been going on just a short time. INTENSE therapy continues. The court did the child protection thing, but the children were given to relatives until it was absolutely proven I was NOT a culprit. That stay was very short! Good Luck!

[jst4shanell]

You said you came from multiple child molesters.  Have they come into contact with him at all?