Could I be? I'm so lost

[Jen8950]

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Hi, I am 31 years old. I have been having a lot of issues these past 6-9 months. I will be completely happy, then go into a rage, to where I am so mad its like I black out. Then go into a suicidal thoughts feeling so down on myself. This is not normal for me. I have been fighting these feelings for almost a year now. It is now affecting my relationship with my fiancé. last night I lost complete control over myself and actually hit my fiancé. This is so not me. I feel completely lost.
When it is my monthly time, things are 100000 times worse, if that is even possible.
I feel like I have lost myself, and am losing relationship.

P.S. I do have 2 boys (11 & 4) I do not ever take my anger out on them, but they do see me crying all the time. I do not like my kids to see me this way.

[persephonedemeter]

Please read up on Brintellix. If you have bipolar disorder, many times antidepressants can make your symptoms worse. It is contraindicated for most people who have bipolar disorder. I was prescribed and took antidepressants when I first had symptoms...some of them like yours. At the time, I was treated for clinical depression. I ended up in the hospital for being agitated, psychotic and suicidal...and that was on the the first drug prescribed and only drug I took , which was an antidepressant. Later, a doctor determined I had bipolar disorder. After that, they figured out  my rapid cycling and relapses where from antidepressants in my med combo, so they removed them slowly off me, and that really helped alot.

There is a black box warning or caution on Brintellix regarding people with bipolar disorder, adolescents, and young adults being at increased risks for suicidal thoughts  and behavior. You can discuss it with the doctor who is prescribing it if you wish and go over safeguards, taking the med, or cautions.

[Jen8950]

They have put me on Brintellix to see if that will help my episodes. If it doesn't he will set up for me to go to a psychiatrist because he said that he would think it could be a bipolar disorder and would need to see a psychiatrist to formally diagnose me.

[weaver71]

I'm curious what someone who speaks to you in person says, keep us posted.

[Jen8950]

I go today at 3pm to the Doctor. I don't like how  I have been. I have never ever felt so out of control.

[weaver71]

My mania can go from happy to angry easily, then of coarse I feel horrible and deeply depressed. Have you been diagnosed? I find the CBT counseling helps me the most. I also learned all I could about my condition to set up plans for how to cope. If you are bipolar, I highly suggest you get in to talk with someone to learn to manage it. If you aren't, then the CBT could help to deal with whatever issues you do have. Losing control is a good reason to go and get some help, before it possibly gets worse.