Diagnosed with mood disorder

[Silenteyes]

I was diagnosed about a month ago with PTSD and a mood disorder but I'm still wondering if that mood disorder is bipolar. Specifically bp2. I've been put on Abilify 2mg. Before diagnosis and medication this is how my life has been: extreme hypersexuality, which resulted in promiscuity outside of my marriage and now divorce. I was also having lots of mood swings and got mad over stupid little things or cried uncontrollably. Sometimes very hostile and would throw things. When I felt euphoric I was the queen of the world and could do anything I wanted. Have weird thoughts that aren't mine, I would never think stuff like it,just popped into my head in a weird scary way. Or thoughts would tell me to shut up or say mean things about people but were never said out loud. I felt this aggression and euphoria about 5 years ago. Now I'm on abilify and feel that everything bad went away but so did everything good along with it. I feel like such a boring person to myself. I don't feel that "high" anymore and I feel like I don't have emotions. The bad thoughts are still there sometimes just not as much. I want to stop taking the med because I want that high again but I also know what hell

[boognell]

DON'T stop taking the Abilify. Do make an appointment with the doc who prescribed it and tell him/her your concerns. You do not want to go back to that dark place that made you lose your marriage, have mood swings, act irrationaly, etc. I know you want the euphoria feeling but at what cost? Your doc can help you-- maybe lower your dose or change your med. Good luck and God bless.

[lindahand]

Sometimes it takes a while to get used to a new med. There is also a bit of a let down when your emotions become 'normal' It is natural to want the 'high'. I know I do. But it is a cost/benefit analysis. When you are in those states you lose your ability to be rational.

You don't mention children, but if you have them you risk having your custody rights removed. Exposing them to your hypomanic self is a horrible thing to do to them.

If the med does completely flatten all emotion it isn't something you should live with. That is a side effect of some of them, then try something different. It may also be a good idea to see a therapist trained in bipolar (not just anyone out of the phone book)

The high is not worth the low or the damage you do. Seeking it will only get you into trouble. You lost a marriage - you can lose a whole lot more than that in a hypomanic state. Multiple partners puts you at a high risk for STD's including HIV/AIDS. If you haven't been tested you should be.

[Silenteyes]

You are right. At what cost? I really just feel I lost all my sense of self. The creativity, feel good feeling, everything. Now I just feel like a zombie. But yes I made an appointment so hope it helps. Thanks for your response. :)

[Silenteyes]

(continued) I also know what hell I went through when it was bad. Do I have bipolar then. I feel like I've done a lot of research and it all points to it I just want to know if this is what it's like for others. Is this what you have to deal with? I took Paxil in teen years for depression but it just made it worse.