Disabled and hating it

I don't know if any of you have had to go onto Social Security disability because you cannot handle the stress of working.  I have been on disability for 4 years and I hate it.  I used to get a lot of self esteem from doing a good job at work.  Now that I don't have work I feel like only a half a person.  When people ask me what I do for a living what am I supposed to tell them?  I used to be a computer programmer.  Now I have a part time job in a little grocery store.  I sew on the side.  These things don't give me any self esteem and I have a hard time thinking of myself as productive.  How should I handle this?

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I know what you mean all too well.  I can't even handle the stress of working full time at a job cleaning a mall and I would of went on disability long ago if it weren't for having to wait a year while not working to be able to get on it which I simply cannot survive by doing.  Under stress a normal person should be able to handle, I have psychotic problems and suffer from depression even while on medication.

[lindamoore]

I didn't have to wait a year to get on disability.  I applied and about 3 months later I heard that I was accepted.  All I had to do was fill out the application.  They contacted my doc who filled out some forms and that was all.  My monthy check started coming right away.  After you get on you do have to wait a year or more to get Medicare health insurance coverage.  During that wait I had to pay $700 a month to get health coverage through the old place I had worked (called COBRA) .  Once I got on Medicare I selected a program that covered my prescription meds.  I only pay an $8 copay for most of them.

With having psychotic problems (as I do also)  you should not have any trouble getting on disability.

[bastet56]

All you can do is keep telling yourself that you are doing the best you can. Would you be so down on yourself if you had cancer? Or a stroke? Having an illness like BP is no less serious or disabling. I have fought with this same problem for about 15 yrs. I finally am at the point where I know I am doing the best I can and even tho I would love to have a 'normal' job I know that I cannot handle even part time work. I take care of a house, gardens, animals and my family and sometimes I cannot even manage that without help. Be proud of what you can do and don't dwell on what you could do in the past. Accept that you have a disabling illness and go on with what you can do today.

[lindamoore]

Thanks for your comments.  I shall look and see what "meaningful things" I am actually doing and concentrate on them.  One thing that helps is my quilting.  I can create things for the people I love.  This gives me some self esteem.  It's still hard to answer the questions about why I am disabled.  A couple of times I have actually told exactly what the problem is.....I don't get any weird looks, so maybe honesty would make me feel better.

[billgonz1]

Hi ! I just was awarded my dis. I was planning to vollunter . I haven't worked in 24 months . Had to go to court . When I got in front of judge .He said he could not find a reason not to give it to me . What stress I firgure vollunter work would make me feel better .

[LetaB]

I applied online 6 months ago online and have heard nada. I tried to access my information but BECAUSE I am crazy with ADHD, BP, and a weird, pervasive form of Dyslexia I had misplaced my fricken code number and they said I had to fill that huge thing all over again! Do they understand that I need help because I am mentally troubled and LOSE things! I have tried all my life to support myself in an honest fashion and I just wish I could figure out how I could do it.

[ILADVOCATE]

Social Security has programs regarding work incentives. Google "SSA.gov". You can also find out more at your local independent living center. There's one in every county of every state:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html
There's nothing wrong with being on SSDI if you are eligible. I recieved it for my psychiatric disability and made a partial recovery. I worked part time advocating for  people with disabilities under the Substantial Gainful Activity limit. Then I acquired my physical disability and as I homebound work became almost impossible but I do some very minor part time telecommuting to keep the Medicaid Buy In for Working People with Disabilities. All of the advocacy I do now is in a volunteer position and telecommuting. Parts of the day I can't physically function and this probably will last for life. I cannot deny I have recovered mentally (you can through my posts) so I probably would be recieving it for my physical disability from now on.
  SSDI for some people is needed for life. For others its a stepping stone to return to work after some mental recovery. No one should see it as anything to be ashamed of. The people that I represented and who recieved favorable decisions (can't detail more as its confidential) throughout the years all desperately needed it to survive. Its an essential government program that can entitle people to collect Medicare and be eligible for supported housing for people with psychiatric disabilities and many other essential services.

[Alex_X_18]

lindamoore I can really agree with you on this subject
I'm 19 and my mother is trying to put me on disability...we are fileing our third appeal
which means now I have to go to a hearing in court
I haven't even been approved yeat and I already feel like a looser
I worked full time at the age of 16 because I had droped out and couldn't handle highschool
but it was a real difficulty for me
over time I got to know the manager I worked with. He cut me slack because I was a young girl
and he realised that sometimes I couldn't handle a heavy work load
even so
(I had to work the graveyard shift I just couldn't handle the day shift very well)
basicly
there was more labor than dealing with people managers or customers
(which is not something I am good at)
I don't work right now because my mother supports me and I can kindof agree with you on this one....
What am I supposed to say. How am I supposed to meet new people or make new firends? One of the first questions anyone asks is what do you do living are you a student and if you are where do you work??
Its hard to tell people oh, I have disability
people look at you like wait a minute,...
how are you disabled again???
I guess if you are on SSD you could do voulenteer work labor or babysitting as something on the side
for me or I guess anyone else for that matter just feel less productive
sometimes it may be better to start working to encourge stability
Recently I took back my old job working nights in fast food
its only part time but its a start....
Maybe once I adjust my meds I can work full time again
I relised with bp its very hard ....If you are under too much stress
your almost auto maticly inclined to have some type of mood shift or anxiety attack
It might be better for a job being a live in nanny or
helping take care of the elderly maybe working at an animal shelter
some type of low stress job
there are certain companies that will hire you to do this type of work

[ILADVOCATE]

Its typical for people to be denied for SSDI and have to appeal it and at each level of appeal the chances of winning are more likely. I am very familiar with this and could give you specific information if you want. You could pm me but for an in person consulation and (free) representation that link I put to the independent living centers might be of use.

[6FT2]

I am not "disabled" but my mom keeps on telling me I'm wrong ;D.   I still work but at a very poor pace and with very poor productivity and one of these days its going to get me into serious trouble.  

The problem is that around here, the most you can expect in terms of disability pay is around R 2500.00... which currently is worth around $ 312.50.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Perhaps I'll try to get SSI once I get a case worker who can help me through it.  Hopefully when I get transferred to the night floor crew at work and make more money I don't go over the SGA limit.

[lindamoore]

I don't know what my shrink told them in the report but it must have been really something for me to get disability the first time I tried.  Go figure

[jimgreg]

yes im on dissabilty 3 yrs 3 montes..its hard..your doing something at least..my heath keeps getting worse..everyday something to worry over..most people on dissabilty are depressed  f there bp...cuz it just seems to be that way..i had my own little bunniss for 11 yrs..worked 2 jobs for yrs..then now down...only 46......

[lynnkay]

I have been fighting social security for approx. 18 mths. now. Just the stress of the process, is enough to cause psychological problems. I am bipolar, have anxiety disorder, PTSD and a lung disease COPD. I think more than enough problems to be qualified as disabled. I did not want to take the disability route. But, after the diagnosis of COPD and having health problems from it, I really did not have a choice. I have been mentally ill for most of my life. I just turned 52. And I have the mental health history to prove my case. But yet, a bunch of pencil pushers, that do not even know me or even care really, are at the present determining my life. I miss being the person that I once was. Some days I just feel lost, not knowing what to do with myself. So, I do understand how you are feeling. I raised 3 children on my own and worked most of my life. The past several or more yrs., I rarily leave my home. Due to the mental issues worsening and the lung disease. I feel for all of those, that are disabled and feeling this way. I greatly understand, as I am there as well. Just praying now that the idiots at SSA, get it together and realize that I am disabled. Not by choice, but by circumstances.

[ILADVOCATE]

I would say the same advice is true as I have put in other posts which is understand that a good percentage of people get denied and a good number of those who appeal it win. Obtain comprehensive documentation from your psychiatrist and doctor and find someone to assist you with the process. I would believe your local independent living center could be of help in this regard as well.

[theguts]

I am on disability and I hate telling people about it.  They look at me like "What! You look normal!  You shouldn't be on disability!"  I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I can't help it.  It's even worse when I go to the general dr with Medicaid; then they think I am pregnant!  Since we can't have kids this really hurts.  Anyway I know I'm not helping, just wanted to let you know there are more people like you out there.

[ILADVOCATE]

I would just add that the rules for Social Security Disability eligibility are very stringent. Many people don't receive it that should. I am personally familiar with it. No one should be ashamed to be on it and if you feel that you can go back to work by all means use their transition to work programs. As for having a disability, many people who have a disability aren't on SSDI. Its how it specifically affects your ability to work. And our goal in recovery is to stabilize. There is a definition of what stability and recovery is but "normal" could apply to many people with a disability and the reverse to some who don't have one. As long as we are eligible we should just think of it as an accomodation to help us out. Doing the telecommuting to keep the Medicaid Buy In entitled me to Lifeline which entitled me for coverage for the TTY. As well as Access A Ride and I am in application for home attendant service. I need all that to function and could by no means cover it. I did not follow up on the application for Food Stamps I was mailed because I can pay for my own food. I am honest about what I tell anyone with any service I am applying for and as long as we do the same we should not have any feelings of shame about it. For many of us its a stepping stone to a better future. I've helped people who were homeless apply, find supported housing with that service and eventually transition back to work. It actually makes people more independent and living in the community which is the important thing.