I have been diagnosed with mixed bipolar, bpd, PTSD, and panic disorder. I quit taking my meds about three months ago due to a desire to have a baby. I've been managing fairly well using diet exercise and therapy until recently. I've become somewhat paranoid that my partner is cheating on me. I have intense crying spells and mood swings like crazy. Yesterday I cut again for the first time in ages and felt like I was slipping back into psychosis. I haven't been sleeping for days at a time. I was tempted to pack a bag and call a ride share post from Craigslist and just hit the road. Today I resumed my exercise plan and stayed busy cooking and talking to a friend but now I am say down taking a break I feel the blues setting in.
Were there no alternative meds that you could go on? You likely would benefit from going into the hospital. My psych dr told me that if I asked myself if I should go into the hospital it meant yes I should. They will likely put you back on meds but there also may be alternative ways to cope if you are unwilling to go that route. I have been in a mixed state today and honestly can't tell you how I feel right now but I can't go into the hospital at this time. I try to relax and tell myself it will pass. I know why I cry. I know why I want to cut, and I know that it will pass if I don't. You have to resist the urge to cut. I was proud of myself for not doing it earlier. I played with my neice and stayed around people. I also removed sharp objects from my easy reach last time I cut, so I actually have to take a few extra steps to do it now. Hang in there and at least call someone or come back on here and talk to us.
Thank you Larry. I did surround myself with my three year old son which kept me distracted for the most part but after he went to bed I went for a walk on the beach and depression and anger set in. I tried journaling about it but it turned into a suicide note so I put the pen away and went back home. I tried telling on myself to a friend which works a little. It's almost 3am and I still can't sleep. The longer I am awake the more psychotic I feel and this is day three.
I am also diagnosed with the same 3 disorders, as well as agoraphobia. I don't think hospitalization would be the best option, because a lot of people who end up there ( especially when you know your disorder already, and have a handle of it when you are on your meds ) get trapped in that endless cycle of cry, hospital, meds, no meds, cry, hospital etc. I think the best thing to do would be every time you feel that way employ those coping skills. Make a bath, read a book, go outside ( I heavily recommend vitamin d tablets, they improve your mood a bit and wont to harm to a baby)
Thanks for all the feedback. Things started picking up after I got a couple of good nights sleep but the damage had already been done to my four year relationship and today my gf called it quits. Needless to say I am back to devastated and depressed. My brain is scrambling to find a plan but all I keep thinking about is using my lithium to end it all. Four more hours til she is home and idk if I have what it takes to deal with more fighting.
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