Do i have Manic depression?

[shabby18]

I feel as if i am cracking and falling apart, and everyone in my world is watching me fall.

first off it does run in the family.

and right now i am not sure what i should be thinking but i feel sad and gulity and yet it feels like i am hyper and tired. I get panic attacks alot, and i am scared to sleep at times. I find it hard to go outside and i am always feeling like someone is watching me. I hear foot steps and voices, I see things which can not be there. My friends think i can see and talk to spirits but i doubt that.

Now on top of everything, I feel like i should be alone to my thoughts but i have this awesome loving boyfriend, he wants to help me with my inner battles and i do not want him to. I want to be alone.... and at the same time i want him holding me while i cry.  He told me if i keep this up he can not do it. He tells me i am stabbing him in back. I truly love this man, and i have done this with all my boyfriends.... i love them and yet i push them away and they get hurt, and i try to explain to him it will not last and soon i will run to him and everything will be ok. But its that phrase " Everything will be okay" I can not say it latly with out me lying, I know its not.... I ask him to try to understand but he seems like he can not.

Actully right now i can feel my heart beating and all i want to do is cry and break something dear to me. I do this all the time, some times i will go days with out sleep, and feel fine but from what people tell me i yells and scream at anyone who comes to close to me. But i do not see it as screaming, I yelled at a teacher once cuz he touched my shoulder.

I think i am normal, but from what my close friends and loved ones say i do not act normal. When I do drink  what ever mood i am in get worse .... so if i seem happy i get mad quickly and i will not let anyone near me. and if i feel sad, i lock myself in the bathroom and cry and normally i will grab a knife so if anyone comes in i threaten them ....  so either way i am trying to hurt someone....

I need help but i have no clue where to start.... I do not how i feel i want to laugh but i feel tears .... and in the last week, i havn't been able to sleep a whole hour with out waking up.... I fear sleeping, and two weeks ago i was sleeping 15 hours, i could not stay awake for anything ....

[triedeverymed]

I know how you feel right now, I feel the same way to. All I want is to be alone and I could sleep all day and night. I have no energy to do anything or motivation.
I am on meds and I think they aren't working anymore. I would suggest you see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. I have manic depression and without treatment it never goes away and only gets worse.
Best of luck to you, I hope you fell better soon!!

[Jikan]

Namaste,

What you describe sounds like Bipolar Disorder with psychotic features and a hint of paranoia thrown in, for good measure.

As advised by RubyShooz, it's imperative that you seek help from a mental healthcare provider as soon aspossible, so that they can take a complete psychological profile, evaluate and diagnois your condition(s) and develop a treatment plan which may or may not include medication(s) and/or adjunct therapy.

Please do this as soon as possible because without treatment your symptoms will only get worse.

Jikan

[RubyShooz]

You must seek medical help right away.  Your feelings are not "normal" -- I know, because I feel just like you do when I am not taking my medication.  Your symptoms could be due to bipolar, or schitzophrenia, or another disorder -- but only a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, can diagnose and treat you.

You do not have to continue on this way -- there is effective treatment available and it will make a world of difference to you.  This forum is not the place to diagnose or treat any disorder -- you must speak with a doctor.  We are here to support you and offer our own experiences to let you know you are not alone, and help is available to you.

Best of luck.
Hugs,
Ruby