Does your family understand you?

Question

I guess this is a dumb question right? does your family understand you or what you're going through? I guess unless they're BP or have gone through what  you are there's just no way of them "getting" bp.  

I'm just so frustrated because my husband and family say they understand but one time of me snapping at someone or not being able to handle something and I end up the bad guy.  

I'm ready to just throw up my hands and leave them all on their own and find a place just for me to live where no one cares.

Paw2 · Answer

Both my husband and daughter think it's all in my head, and do not understand or want to understand bipolar. I have manic, depressive, bipolar. They both look at me weird. 
   God, you would feel so much better if you didn't take so many pills. Why do you take so may pills? You don't need those! Wow you look like a druggie taking all those, I should just throw them away.
  Or, I need to "snap" out of it. Why are you so quiet? Why don't you join in the conversation? What's wrong with you, or the best, I'm being a ***** and I need to apologize? 
   I am not "allowed" to go to group or counseling, and I am limited to how many times I can see my normal doctor. I am not allowed to see a specialist, because what the hell do I need that for?
  I can't tell you how many times this year I have wanted to end it all. But I wouldn't want to be a "burden" on my "family"

kerrinigy · Answer

hey how are things going with ur wife now ..yes my husbanny understands he goes to workshops and also does a lot of research ...he also goes to therapy with me so he can monitor my meds and so forth....continue in faith and encourage ur wife to read....ive been diagnosed since 2005

kerrinigy · Answer

Yes they do to a certain extent ...but no matter what ur feeling they cant feel it...my husbanny goes to therapy with so its makes it easier...hes able to monitor my meds....my mom also has bipolar and my aunt on father's side is schizophrenic...its a lot to deal with but ur family needs to go to workshops, research help u to monitor ur treatment..u can also give them information so theyll get a better understanding of this....im here for u

Seanai · Answer

Thanks for your kind comments folks! I will take note and try to approach this from a different angle.

bbm1188 · Answer

That's why I married someone who is bipolar besides falling madly in love. He gets me though and is my biggest supporter and best friend. It's not suppossed to work but honestly it first cause my bipolar and his are different, balance eachotherout. Got lucky.

achillea · Answer

If your family says they understand, it probably means they are trying, and maybe trying hard.  

But the truth is that even if they read a lot--a LOT--they can never really feel what you are feeling.  Very likely only therapists and other bipolar patients can do that.

It is possible that a really great family therapist could help both you and your family to find sympathetic ways to respond to each other.

Crystal413 · Answer

I really understand how you feel. At times, I do the same thing. It's not a good thing to feel that way, alone and with no understanding. I wish I had the answers. Maybe the answers lie within us instead of looking to them for answers. I know, easier said than done. Feel better and hang in there.

Seanai · Answer

I completely understand this! It is 23 degrees outside and my family are sitting out my back garden while I'm "holed" up in the room too afraid to join them in case I say the wrong thing because of how I'm feeling right now! I have been up and down all day and actually broke down and started crying for no reason whatsoever! They say they understand, but I know they don't and it feels to me that they don't actually want take the time to understand what is wrong with me!

Mom2four85 · Answer

thanks for your comments; it does help to hear what others are going through also and that I'm not the only one...I think they're embarassed that I was dx with BIPolar but get this...I told them it's the same thing as being manic/depressive and they're ok with that? how does that work?

It's so much easier to have a physical problem - they understand that but with a mental/emotional problem I think they don't know how to handle it since I've always seemed like the strong person who kept everyone else together.

almost 4 weeks on Lamictal and now I'm at 100mg? but I haven't noticed much of a difference and the first week or so I went into a manic state ugh and I keep feeling like it could break through again does that make sense to anyone? thoughts are swirling I just want them to stop.

fortissima · Answer

I should add, though, that my boyfriend has been the most supportive and understanding person in the world. He reminds me to take my medications (I'm forgetful) and always asks me how I'm feeling, etc. I've already had a couple of minor "episodes" while with him--he was with me, encouraged me to take some klonopin, went outside at 11:30 p.m. so I could run off some of the pent up energy, and held me and kept me close when I had an extreme urge to run away and self-harm one night. He accepts me fully for who I am and helps me to become the best person I can be. I have never been happier or more stable.

fortissima · Answer

No. My family doesn't really understand bipolar. My uncle was "diagnosed" as bipolar but then he "got better", so they have always treated my condition as something that I was perpetuating. I could "get better" too, if I just tried hard enough. This led me to a lot of self-denial, and MANY instances of quitting my meds because I was feeling "better". I still struggle with it. I get no support from my family. They are frightened and confused by my behavior.

After my last hospitalization (Feb. '11), I finally took charge of my own mental health. I had to finally accept my condition for what it was, realize that I have an illness that needs to be taken care of, just like any other illness. I couldn't justify the way I had been acting--I was at the peak of my student teaching, loving what I was doing, and certainly had no reason to self-harm or act the way I had been acting. It was apparent to me that I hadn't "chosen" to have the thoughts I had. I had to come to terms with it. Inpatient has always been a horrible waste of time for me, but I then went through a 3-week outpatient "partial hospitalization" that was, by far, the most educational and beneficial treatment I have *ever* received.

freddie8605 · Answer

When I am depressed I feel that my family don't understand me or what i am going through and even sometimes i go as far to say they are trying to make  me more depressed and even less unable to cope, but when i am stable i  realize they understand as much as one possibly can and are there trying to support me.

lindahand · Answer

I've been really lucky. My husband is great. He always says he wants to know how I am feeling and when I tell him he really listens. Of course he can't 'get' it all, I can't 'get' how it is to live with someone who has bipolar. I know it isn't always an easy thing. When I was at my worst he would just hold me and tell me that I was safe. He tucks me in every night and we have a little cuddle and talk. Perhaps it is easier because it is just the two of us and the little dog. We have more alone time that we can spend together.

Every now and again he does something stupid like phone me when I am in the middle of my afternoon nap, but that happens rarely. One night he forgot to phone me and tell me he was going to be late. I was in tears by the time I found out where he was. Sometimes he doesn't get how big my fear is that something will happen to him.

My extended family (Mom, Dad, etc) knows what they need to. They don't need to know everything. They don't live in the same town as I do so I can keep a lot of it away from them. They are very accepting of things like the fact that I need to go for an afternoon sleep. They have never judged me for having bipolar. They say it explains a lot of my childhood. They weren't the greatest parents when I was growing up. My step mom was the primary parent after my mom died when I was 8. She was a young mom and didn't know what to do with two grieving children. And they pushed us very hard which made things very difficult. But as adults we have love and respect for each other. Mom keeps giving me alternative health articles. I know she would really like me to be off my meds and on something holistic, but she hasn't crossed the line. She just gives me information. And I have taken some of her advice. I am not anti holistic medicine. I just want the meds to take priority.

My inlaws have been good as well. My father in law is nosey so he tried to ask a bunch of inappropriate questions which bothered me. But he hasn't judged me. He even offered to help financially when I was off work. My MIL is a bit too understanding and sometimes it is a bit too much mother henning but she has a really big heart. She has suffered from depression so she knows that side of things.

I know how very lucky I am to have such support. Part of it I think is being open and honest about what I need from them.

Well I should go. It is Amazing Race night and DH and I have a date!

Mom2four85 · Answer

I think your therapist is right; unless they're going through it themselves they don't understand.

I explained to my family which explained alot of behaviors I've been going through to them and they nod say yes and ask questions but then turn around and go back to their own little world.  

For example - A major trigger for me is not sleeping - my family has known this for years and I have to sleep at least 4 hours then I'm ok; yet someone interrupts my sleep for something.  Kids coming in too late or hubby always wanting "something" or waking me up early in the morning when I haven't been to sleep.  I just don't know how to get around these problems.

Since starting Lamicatal I've been doing so good and sleep patterns settling down a bit; then my oldest daughter started some drama and for a week or so I didn't sleep much - threw me into a real pit...

I didn't sleep at all for a few days and my husband went to work instead of staying so I could sleep...that just set me off for a week and I was out of it; the thing that bothers me is he knows this is a trigger; yet he can stay up late watching sports and not go to work the next day but can't stay even a few hours so I can sleep.

ugh so sorry for rambling and whining!  they just don't or won't understand or even help me - I told him I'm at the point of just checking myself into some place to get help and be able to sleep where someone understands

rogelio63 · Answer

My wife doesn't understand.  it happens just the way you say.  I'll snap at someone or be supersexual with her and she doesn't get it because I'm not always that way.  The frustrating part with my sitch is that she says she wants to know more about it but won't read any books or anything.  
I'd actually like to watch your post and see if there's someone on here whose family DOES understand.
My therapist said he doesn't think anyone except another bipolar understands the anguish we go through.