Don't know what to do/how to help

[heather512]

My husband was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He is currently on Lamictal 150mg, Klonopin .5-1mg, and is weening off of Zyprexa 20mg to switch to depakote 500mg. He is having a hard time finding the right meds amd I know we have to be patient. Currently he seems to be one of two things, either a lifeless shell/zombie with no motivation to do anything or he seems annoyed at everything and has zero fustration level. I'm trying to do all I can for him right noe. I take care of the house and our dogs and the bills ect. I just don't know what else to do to help him. I feel like he's so lost and before I was the only one who could get through to him and now it's like nothing. When I try to talk to him his response is usually :I don't know" or "nothing" or "whatever you want/it's up to you". He seems to be having a few more good days recently but when he wakes up in the morning it's like a game of roulette. I don't know if it's a good day or bad day, and I don't know how to keep him in a good day. Anyone who has gone through this or has any experience please let me know you thoughts. All is appreicated. Thank you.

[ina_ina_89]

From what I have read I think you should help your husband find a way to become excited about life. I went through a lot of bad spells but now I am feelilng great. Good positive words for your husband will help too. Encouragement will help, for me it worked really well.  Also he should stay on his meds and if they aren't working keep searching for the right one (I know you will). I believe he is on some medication that can make him drowsy so that can be the one contributing to his lack of motivation. Stay with it and don't lose hope and try to make yourself knowledgeable about bipolar. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[heather512]

thsnkyou sll for replying. I hste to sound selfish but i feel like everyone is so focused on taking care of him no one is taking care of me (including myself). I really appreciate you all giving me support and in a way i feel like you guys are helping take care of me so thank you.

[cowgirlnerd]

My husband just went through the angry at everyone and everything with me....I have BP1 and he's not.  It was a rough weekend - to say the least.  It was a downward spiral of my mania for a little over a week.  It can be dangerous for your husband, as well as, for your self.

You see, even though we are mentally ill, it doesn't make us not responsible for our own actions.  I know in my case, I can become extremely violent in a split second.  I threw my purse, a Swiffer mop, and a bottle of water at my husband.  I could see me doing it, but the rage in me couldn't stop it.  That doesn't make me not responsible for what I did!  You have to protect yourself during those times.

Yes, we are predisposed to suicidal attempts (and successes) and that is something family and friends can help with - being supportive.  However, you can't prevent it just by being supportive.  In other words, be supportive, loving, and understanding, but don't let your husband's illness take over your life.  It will make you bitter and him feel guilty.  

Be careful and take care of yourself too.  He is lucky to have you.

[heather512]

thank you. I never actuall thought of letting him have more dpace to be honest I'm kind of afraid of what he might do if i leave him alone too long. I gues I'm gonna jsut have to trust. more.

[bastet56]

I am sorry you have to go through this. As a BP with a disabled husband I can understand how you feel. Right now I think you need to back up a bit and let him and the meds work through this. Read as much as possible about BP and if there is a group for spouses ( try asking his drs) join it. Culitivate hobbies that allow you time away from each other. Don't hover, don't be condensending, don't baby. He needs to find his way as much as you do. Be there to listen and comfort but be prepared for anger. Good luck to you. You will both need it.

[heather512]

P.S any ideas on how to deal with him when he's in a pissed off at everypne/everything mood I don't know how to calm him down.

[heather512]

thanks all

[adel_ezz]

only a psychiatrist can tell his exact status. reading between the lines: being unmotivated means he is simply depressed. He doesn't want to do anything. This is very common and happens all the time. So long he doesn't turn manic later meaning he is stabilized more or less but a little below datum line. His meds sound OK except that why the depakote unless his pdoc fears he becomes manic again. Usually lamictal mixes well with depakote as it says in the med brochure/pamphlet they even write you the mixing dose, seemingly both work perfect together and pdocs prefer to combine 2 mood stabilizers but this comes at the expense of being lethargic eventually.

Incidentally have you ever tried any antidepressants. I know like everybody else that they are not recommended for bipolars and can do harm and there is a lot of controversy regarding turning the patient manic with inducing mixed states and rapid cycling but with caution pdocs can sometimes manipulate them to the benefit of the patient.

In any case you have nothing wriong, you are trying your best but just be patient, it's a kind of very frustrating disease, i would say one of the most diffiicult and tedious enough to control it. Eventually he will stabilize

As to if anybody has gone through this here, it's the opposite way around, you won't find anybody who hasn't gone through this. This is called bipolar disorder. The zero frustration level happens all the time to us and we want to finish off any discussion, it's anxiety and accompany the disease and every other psych disease. this is why he takes klonopin/clonazepam but don't increase his dose; for any benzo is addictive

good luck

[hell1971]

You sound like you are doing everything you can, being supportive is all you can do. You can not change his mornings or make them good mornings, that is the nature of the illness. Not only is your husband having to trial these drugs until he finds the right balance he is also having to come to terms with his new diagnosis and cope with being in a current episode. Its hard for both of you, hes lucky to have you, make sure you also look after your own mental health. take care

[jst4shanell]

Sorry you are going through such a tough time.  It must be hard, thinking you aren't able to help, but you are more than you know.  Sorry to say, but it can take a couple years before the docs find the right meds.  I am battling this myself.  Therapy might be a really good option for you to learn to cope with this.  NAMI has great resources for family and friends to get education and support groups.  My mother went to a 12 week program on Bipolar and schizophenia education.  It made all the difference for her and me.  I was finally actually able to talk to someone who has an idea of what I was going through.  I still thank her for that.  Hope things start to get better once he's switched to the Depakote.