Family help or on her own?

[Jan1942]

Should a family help an adult female with bipolar disorder?  Is letting the person live at parent's home "enabling" or
helping such a person?  The mom and son (brother to bipolar) are at odds when it comes to supporting the daughter
(sister) and it puts the family in more of a dilemma.
Can a person with bipolar be responsible enough to drive a car?  especially in the mania phase?
Dilemma mom

[Nikki2226]

I am an adult female, and sometimes I need help.  I don't think it is that uncommon for people with bipolar to need to lean on their families, at least temporarily.  Right now I could not live on my own because I am only able to work part time. Luckily, I am married and my husband is able to fill in the gaps.  Once I get on the right medication and treatment plan, I hope to be able to take on more responsibilities.  I'm sure your daughter will be able to take care of herself once she is stable as well.   I know a 40 year old bipolar woman who moves in and out of her parents house when she needs help, and lives on her own when she is stable.  As for driving, if I feel manic I try not to drive because I drive too fast and turn up the music too loud and I can't concentrate because there are too many other thoughts racing through my head.  You might ask her if she has similar problems when driving, or if she feels more in control.  Good luck and I hope everything works out for your family.  

[jen21287]

It depends on the circumstances. As long as your daughter is taking the proper steps to get better and is making a conscious effort, I think it is great to have you supporting her - but not forever. When she is well, it should be expected of her to move out and live on her own. However, if she is doing nothing to get well, not taking responsibility for her actions and causing stress at home - then letting her live at home would be considered enabling. Ground rules should be set and if she disregards them, then you have every right to kick her out. Sometimes it takes completely hitting rock bottom to realize you have a problem and need to seek treatment. She isn't going to get better unless she starts making changes.

As far as driving, I do not think this disorder makes you an irresponsible driver. If she is driving your car and prior actions have led you to this conclusion, then taking the keys away from her would not be wrong. But I do not think that would make the situation between you and your daughter better.

I can understand how difficult of a situation this is. I ultimately moved back home with my parents when I became unwell. However, now that I am better, I am planning on moving out and going away to school. My parents threatened to kick me out of the house and that was definitely a reality check for me.

It is up to your daughter to get better. As an adult, there isn't anything you can do for her except support her and be there for her when she falls.

[nomedsplz]

Responsible enough to drive a car?  I guess there are not enough details.

Up until 20 years ago there was not that much talk about specific illnesses short of asolute psychotic breaks being a something to treat or take drugs over.  Now everyone who gets depressed or excited needs a drug.  

One thing that has ALWAYS been true, and I challenge you to defy me, is that parents tend to be over-protective and siblings have rivalry.  I can provide 5000 years of evidence supporting my case.  ;)

So, did this daughter of yours PROVE she is not responsible enough to drive a car?  Has she been in accidents?  Driven off the road?

I see thousands of people a week driving like maniacs, and I'm POSITIVE very few of them are responsible enough to drive a car.  ;)

My opinion is that it is never incorrect for a parent to help a child.  Short of long family details, who can argue with that?

[Barribjorn]

You have to factor in two things, is the enviroment stable enough to help her and how much do you know about this disorder? You need to learn as much as you can, so asking questions even if they seem trivial is a must. Now, I myself am living with my folks due to another illness which complicates my bipolar. Or I should say the strain it puts on those around me and myself are starting to take a great toll on all involved.

I do agree, family support is paramount to her success at coping, living, and healing. On the other side of the coin, if she is engaging in behaviors you do not support and with good reason then the illness will not get better..

[determined2beatit]

I am an independant adult woman functioning by myself raising two kids with bipolar. However, when I was diagnosed at age 30yrs, I needed my family desperately. I didn't want to be dependant on them or have to have them care for me or my children but when I was severly depressed or manic I needed all the support in the world to get through it. You have to know depression and or mania to know that when a person goes through it they are reacting to an incredible range of emotions in their body that affects how they think and feel about situations which may not be how they would see them if they were in a more normal state. I don't think you are enabling your daughter by allowing her to live with you, she needs help and to stabilize on meds in order for her to go out in the world and function on her own. If she is new to this disease then she must really be struggling with how to deal and manage it. Any support she can get is much needed. As I said , I relied heaviliy on my mother when I first started with bipolar and I am a very independant person. Once I got stabilized and Learned the disease I then started to make a life on my own again and deal with the bipolar as it went along. As for driving...that depends on how manic a person is and their ability to control the mania. I can't give advice on that not knowing the person but the most important thing right now is giving your family support and fostering an enviornment where she gets help, meds and through getting better she can return to a independant lifestyle.
Linda