Fear of "crashing"

I have recently experienced a great deal of stress in my life and my system has reacted with hypomania.   My doctor is monitoring closely but we are not adjusting my medications because the burst of creative energy is leading to great success in my work.  I love my new job and my new life.  I don't want to increase my medication because I hate the numb, emotionally detached feeling it gives me.  I wish I could stay like this.  My elevated mood is so wonderful.  While my thinking is fast it is clear.  I am sleeping well but do not have much of an appetite -- but I could stand to lose a few pounds.  My doctor told me about this site and I just started the mood tracker.  I tried to make my own but my perfectionism led to numerous attempts that did not meet my expectations or my needs.  I am excited to be using this one --it is much better than any of mine. lol.  So I am enjoying my hypomanic episode.  I don't want to take more medication to dull it.  But I am afraid of it ending and me swinging into an episode of depression.  Guess I don't really have a question I just wanted to talk about my fears.  I never get to talk about my Bipolar Disorder because only a few people know I have the condition.  It's nice to have a forum where I can talk openly about being BP.

[kathy434]

I am glad you are enjoying your mood right now.  Use the mood chart daily.  It may seem trivial by a week as everything you may report is the same.  But you will be able to determine when your mood shifts and know to look out for manic episodes, or start of the depressive side.  You can jump on it right away before it knocks you on your behind.  The chart is very helpful.
Your making numerous mood charts and non of them meeting your expectations may be what I call "spinning your wheels and getting nowhere", a symptom of hypomania.   You start trying to meet a lot of goals (energy) and no matter how hard you try you can't seem to actualize any of them.  Your concentration begins to wane and confusion starts to present.  You don't want to let this go further.  Because you may start doing things or thinking  or saying things the way you wouldn't do them during a normal mood.  Then you start coming down to the crash.  You think of yourself in the worse light whether it is true or not, or you have apologies to make and embarrassment for your behavior; whatever, you are heading into a crash and it doesn't feel good.  Medications are not going to alter your creativity and ability to do the things you wish to accomplish.  Medications will actually make it possible for you to accomplish your goals without the instability of mood swings.  I know how wonderful it feels being hypomanic, but the price tag is not worth it.