Well, I know it isn't voices, but that phone I heard was deffinately outside my mind. Even though it was not a real phone and no one could hear it. I've never heard a voice, though, but I do hear voices inside my mind.
I think I've seen things that weren't there, though.
2 cars, each one with 6 wheels instead of 4, driving past me and "searching" for me.
(1 car was a police car and the other was a blue sports car with the double stripes.) Now, maybe the cars were really there and it was only the wheels I saw, I can't say.
1 playground, glittering in the moonlight. Slides, swings, monkey bars, bridges, the whole 9 yards. It was there for about 15 seconds, and then vanished when I turned my head and looked back. I was with a group of about 10 people and no one else saw it.
All 3 of these experiences, (phone, 6 wheel cars, and playground,) all happened during the same period in my life when I thought the evil people were out to get me. :(
I guess I should have given a detailed answer... I picked both because I've heard voices with their own thoughts, mind, and intentions in my thoughts before that I couldn't make go away and I've also heard them externally.
I had other hallucinations as well, which have been auditory, visual, olfactory, whatever the word for taste is, and probably tactile but I can't be for sure on the last one, but my visual and auditory ones are usually in the realm of fantasy, undead and monsters or ones which border on being realistic such as seeing and hearing someone walking with a cane that disappeared when they put it down behind a counter and then they walked away fine or cockroaches that aren't there, that I've noticed so far. I even experienced one eating through my leg of all things. That was recent and I still feel a sense of repulsion toward my leg off and on like I want to dig the damn cockroach out that didn't even leave a wound. Like I can almost feel it crawling in there. My taste and smell ones involved food just tasting bizarre or very very seldom a smell that isn't there. The touch ones, I am pretty sure a lot of the unexplained pain I feel such as it feeling like bugs are biting/stinging me randomly is not really there but I honestly can't tell. I think my tinnitus may be a hallucination because the volume of it was a lot lower when I was on the highest daily dose of Geodon.
I couldn't really write down all the specific examples of my hallucinations anyway because it would take up way too much scrolling space.
It was all very scary, yes. The playground was the first thing I ever saw that wasn't there. It was weird but it didn't scare me at the time, because I like playgrounds. The other things were scary because I honestly believed people were out to hurt me, maybe even kill me. :(
But, what really makes me mad is the fact that my so called "friends" all played along with it. Like I was some sort of joke or game. I am glad that I stopped being friends with those people years ago, but I'm still mad. I really needed help and no one cared. :(
Yeah, I can see people mistaking a child imagining vs. actually seeing something. Like I had imaginary friends as a kid, but they really were just run-of-the-mill imaginary friends. So, I think it is harder to realize something is going on in a kid.
And, unfortunately, even if a kid really tries to express like "I really do see a monster" people still dismiss it. Like recently, my 3 year old came in our room and told us that a monster was standing in the dark and it had a round face and feet. Now, this put me and my husband on alert. On the one hand, it is probably just his imagination. But... still worth taking note of. You know?
Yeah it's hard to tell with a child. Children who are just using their imagination can swear they are actually experiencing these things but on the other hand I read it's rare for a person to hallucinate before the age of 8 I think it was. I can understand though the people not taking me seriously but at the same time it kind of irritates me because people constantly complained and disciplined me because I looked like I was in another world and wasn't doing well in school and was extremely socially inept and everything so I don't see why no one made the connection there that something was wrong.
I am starting to come to the conclusion that a lot of people are failed by the adults around them when they were children. My own experience asside, my husband has probably had ADD his whole life, always got bad grades, dropped out of school, never able to read a book all the way through, always jumping from project to project, and so on. His brother also has ADD, it wasn't like the family was completely oblivious to it. So.... why did they help his brother and not him? He just was diagnosed only a few weeks ago. I mean, it derailed his whole life, you know?
Is it because the adults are in denial that something could be wrong? Or is it just easier to ignore it and blame a kid? I mean, I felt blamed for all the struggle I went through, and like I said somewhere that knowing that I have an illness and that I'm not actually a complete failure has actually been a relief to me. At least now I know I have done the best I can with what I was given. :(
When I am in a psychotic state I tend to hear and see things. I can't say I've ever heard voices inside my head, minus myself, or when I'm recalling a situation involving what another person said. But, I do hear imaginary rings, beeps, buzzes, my mom calling my name when she's not even in the house, the radio, people talking, etc. Now as for seeing things... I've had a mental breakdown because of one when I was younger, and then the occasional seeing something that really isn't there.
I also experience things like your imaginary rings and such but it's more things like my alarm going off which sends chills up my spine in itself because that means I have to go to work. Hahaha just kidding but yeah I do actually hear it when it's not going off sometimes and it does have negative connotations attached to it because it means I have to wake up when I'm tired.
I actually do not like the sound of ringing phones, to say the truth. It actually gives me a nauseous feeling every ring. Which is awesome since the majority of my job requires answering a phone. I also really don't like talking on the phone, it drives up my anxiety. Again... awesome for my line of work. I'm sure it has something to do with my past experience.
paranoid_cataclysm - I agree with the imaginary sounds having a negative connotation associated with it.
Does anyone have trouble distinguishing whether the sounds are real or not, or are you able to tell most of the time? Because there are times where I know immediately that the sound(s) I am hearing are imaginary; however there are times I am not sure. I also worry that people can tell I am hearing things/seeing things (does that make any sense?!).
Xila31 - I agree with paranoid_cataclysm... I do hope you are getting some sort of reward/satisfaction out of your job.
It isn't that I dislike my job. The problem with my job is that the stress ratio is really high and I work with people who do not understand that I am ill and my illness is not doing very well right now. I think one big stresser is I know that no one understands and they don't seem to want to understand.
The thing I like about my job is the patients that we work with. I think they are all great people and I feel like they get help when they come to our clinic. But, I feel like I'm floating in a sea of endless doom for myself. I see the irony that people come to us for help, but the people I work for are unable to help their own employee. I can tell everyone gets frustrated with me for things that are caused by my illness. It's just sad.
Yes well the voices I hear in my head are easily distinguishable but they are almost as loud as if I were actually hearing them and when I get tired my thoughts start to become audible. Hearing things outside of my mind are hard to distinguish from a real noise so I go check the area to try to find things that made the noise. My visual hallucinations are somewhat not as hard to distinguish when they involve monsters and such but these still can scare me anyway.
Hopefully they are giving you accommodations at least, they're require do that as long as you can perform the essential functions of the job. Sometimes organizations get too busy trying to help their clients/customers/whatever, that they totally forget they need to take care of their employees too.
Before my current recovery the auditory hallucinations I had were thoughts and I recognized them as such. What I did not realize was that they were highly delusional in nature. I also vocalized them in that I would repeat random phrases in a manner that had aspects of echolalia. As regarding what I heard it could be music or phrases but it was generally in itself a "comment" on what was going on. Right now if I were off a mood stabilizer I would exhibit delusions and perhaps exhibit some auditory hallucinations. That depends but being a person with schizoaffective disorder I do require a mood stabilizer in addition to an antipsychotic (no matter how effective, Clozaril was the only exception to this rule). I do know from what I've been informed by psychiatrists that if a person's auditory hallucinations appear to come from outside of them and are thought of as seperate and commenting on them that they will not respond as well to treatment. I was told by my psychiatrist that in the past, even on standard antipsychotics that my self awareness was relatively high and that's why I responded well to treatment. For example all the times I went to psych. hospital in the past I went on my own, knowing that things were wrong and that was what I needed.
That's really interesting to think that if you truly think the auditory hallucination is separate then it is harder to treat. I wonder if that is why some of the more sever cases of violent schizophrenics end up where they do, (such as that one that believed his dog was talking to him.)
It also makes me wonder what my phone means. Because I thought it was outside of myself for sure, and I thought it was separate and not a thought in my head. But it wasn't commenting on anything, just ringing.
I was wondering out of curiosity since you brought it up, did the psychiatrist say exactly how people who hear the thought coming as if from an external source commenting on them don't respond well to treatment? Does the medicine just not work as good or does it work physically like it should but just the symptoms still present themselves anyway?
I had a funny thought (not being serious with this, of course) that maybe if you were able to pick up that phone you heard that maybe there would be voices on the other end of the "call" and that's why you haven't been hearing voices all this time because they got impatient and gave up after the first try. Those of us who didn't get a ring from them on our internal phone just had the voices rudely bust in the door to our mind.
Wow, what a relief to find this site and find others who are experience this stuff too.
I would never admit it before, but I hear people whispering mean things about me, they are on the other side of the wall, or door, and it is just awful the things I hear. I think there really are people talking, but my mind creates what they are saying, and it seems so real.
Then, with paranoia, I feel people are following me, the people are real, but I think I am going to be stabbed or killed at any moment, I am in terror inside, and panic. One time I almost clobbered a guy with my purse....if he had taken one step closer, he would have got it !!!
I sometimes have to close my curtains, because I have this same paranoia that re-occurs....these people are out to kill me, and watch with binoculars, into my windows.
When I get normal again, I know it is not real, but it seems so real when I am in it !
After when I come down, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed, I hate feeling so out of control.
darlenedaisy: oh yeah, I worry people are out to hurt me too when I am walking. You're not alone. I try to look at people so that I can identify them. >.> Also, when I'm driving I worry the people in the cars behind me are getting mad and might ram me from behind.
paranoid_c: Haha.... yeah, that's funny. Maybe it is good I couldn't answer that phone. O.O I don't really want to talk to whoever would be calling.
When not under the proper medicinal treatment, I go through things like this too in paranoia so I can see where you and Xila31 are coming from. The voice I've mainly had was the one trying to steal my soul for roughly ten years or longer.
Glad I could make you laugh. They say laughter is the best medicine but you can actually overdose on it too if you do it too much and experience headache and such.
I am a firm believer in laughter being the best medicine and being a healer. I idolize Patch Adams who heals with humor. I think it is important that we be able to laugh at ourselves even over serious things, because otherwise we will doom ourselves without meaning to. I think my soul has always known this, even when I was a kid, and that's why I would watch comedy even when I couldn't laugh due to being so depressed. I would watch only funny things, and later learned about laughter being a healer. I would rather overdose on laughing than any medicine.
I have been bipolar for many yrs. I guess I am one of the lucky ones in the aspect of my mental issues. I have never seen things not there nor have I heard voices. I hear my own inner voice a lot though. But, I think many people may experience that.
I though have a 30 yr. old son that has been hospitalized 3 times in the past 5 months. He has been living here with me and my husband. Todd had a severe mental breakdown. He has had others in the past, but this last break was the worse yet. Todd was seeing things such as demons and was talking to them. It went on for weeks. I found it very scary. Not because I was scared of him, but because I was scared for him. To have to endure that.
He is taking his meds and attending counseling regular. He is slowly recovering. Todd was years ago diagnosed as being bipolar. But, he is very paranoid as well. His counselor believes there is something else going on other than just bipolar.
omg when i ever heard these voices i freaked out! i mean i didnt belive that this was happening to anyone eles but me! its awful ! and the voices do transfer through eletricl devices such as phones, t.v.s, raidios,ect. its very scary and ive almost taken my life over it!people heckeled and laughed at me for this as well!its no joke ! especilly the person who is living through this hell themselves!i dont know how to fix this i wish it would just go away already ...but it wont .any advice please let me know!
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