Help for my husband

[Clysta]

I normally do not visit this community, but need advice on what to do next.

My husband has been....off for a very long time (as long as he can remember he says) and I think he needs to get help. I don't know if it's anger issues, Bipolar or what.

The smallest (and I mean smallest) things will set him completely off. For example, he could he fine and happy and then we'll ask him a question and he completely flips out and starts yelling and slamming things. Two minutes later he's perfectly fine again or sometimes his mood will last for days on end. He gets into ruts where he doesn't want to do anything, or he wallows in self pity and thinks everything is horrible and nothing will ever change. He tosses and turns all night and rarely gets enough rest. Over the last 2 years he's also lost weight but then randomly gained 40 pounds. He also has times where he's bouncing off the walls and just goes nonstop. He used to (this stopped before he met me) throw things and break things when he got upset. He's never been physical however.

I'm not sure what to say anymore, because it's hard to know what will cause him to go crazy. He seems to constantly be annoyed by everyone around and I keep wondering if it's me and our daughter that causes it or makes it worse. Anyone have thoughts? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Sherri55]

Sounds familiar.  However usuallyother charactericstics are frequently spending money, thinking he is the greatest, narissitic, and a sex drive in overdrive and they are risky too. Like he got on a binge to go gambling.  He even told me he was going to kill me if I tried to take his house. In 2008, I could'nt take anymore so I left. Mind you, I don't have young children.  He was lost without me.  He begged me to come home.  I put my foot down and told him unless he saw a psychiatrist not a pyscologist. I was not coming home. I lived with my parents for 3 months. He went, was diagnosed weith Bipolar II , Anxiety, and ADHD.  He was 52 yrs old then.  He has always had problems but many things I didnt know until after I was married. We think his dad was BP too. He is on meds for all and my life has certainly improved. It is still not perfect.but better.  One other thing, they will feel better and when they do sometimes they relapse cause they think they are cured.  "I dont need this anymore"  "I feel great".
I left again ...he got back on his meds and aIl is better again.  He knows now that I will not stay unless he takes his meds.  I wish you luck and for the saftey of your children and yourself take some measures.  It is unhealthy for you baby to see these actions and also it can effect her as well. I know you love him ....it is hard to understand why does he treat me this way.  Well, believe me it is not normal.  Take care...keeping you in prayer...Sherri

[therese83]

You cant make someone act a certain way, he is responsible for his mood, not you or your daughter

[lindahand]

I am glad you got some answers. Hopefully things will get better from this point onwards.

[Clysta]

Not yet, he's going back to talk to the doctor.

[freddie8605]

Have you got a treatment plan for him? I think that would be important for him to feel better and less angry/depressed, and will help you cope too. But i am glad you got to see a doctor.

[Clysta]

Just updating. Well the doctor doesn't think it's Bi-polar, but he says there's definitely anger issues and/or depression/anxiety going on.

[freddie8605]

Cool, I am glad he has a appointment and says he wants to get better. I am not a doctor so i can't diagnose him but what from what you have written, I would say anger issues, and depression. But hopeful the psychiatrist can give you a diagnosis, although it normally takes several months and visits to be properly diagnosed with bipolar unless seen when having a manic episode. So be aware you may not get a diagnosis straight away.

Let me now how the appointment goes.
Freddie

[Clysta]

Oh don't worry. He's got an appointment set up for August 29th. This really needs to be looked at and we need to fix it. He said he just wants to be normal again.

I was just hoping to get some ideas of what it might point to.

[freddie8605]

Hey, I agree with everything Xila31said, also technically the "mania" to be diagnosed need to be 7 days and the depression needs to be at least 2 weeks at a time. I am not a doctor of any kind either.

Here are some good links about Bipolar,ADHD,Borderline, which also discusses depression as well.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001924/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder

I think it would be good for your husband to see a doctor but the above thinks might be able to give you an idea what might be wrong and how you can help him. But be careful not to self diagnose as only a psychiatrist can do that.

Hope the links help
Freddie

[Xila31]

I would say that it wouldn't hurt to have him talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist about this issue. I'm not a doctor so this is just what it sounds like from your post.

To me it sounds very possible that is may be a deep issue like depression or bipolar. Depression can also cause a lot of irritability. The key words here, moreso than the anger issue, are
"He gets into ruts where he doesn't want to do anything, or he wallows in self pity and thinks everything is horrible and nothing will ever change. He tosses and turns all night and rarely gets enough rest." -Sounds like depression to me.
"He also has times where he's bouncing off the walls and just goes nonstop." -Sounds like mania to me.

Anger can be agrivated by mental illness. If he already has a tendancy toward anger, then I can see how having an illness on top of that would make it worse. Lots of things can cause anger like that, though. And big mood shifts can come with all kinds of things other than bipolar, including boarderline personality, ADHD, and even illnesses such as diabetes.

If you think he will listen and wants to get help, then approach him when he's not in a bad mood and suggest seeing a doctor. It's not fun to be untreated and feeling like you're floating around going crazy. At the same time, a lot of people deny that anything is wrong because they have always been that way, don't believe in mental illness, or are just afraid of treatment. At the very least maybe see if he can see his primary doctor. Living with all that anger is not healthy for anyone. It's bad for you and your daughter, and it's bad for him, too.