Help me please..

[Kc420]

Hey doc. Im sixteen and pretty mature for my age. A year ago i was a 300 pound stoner and fastfood eater. I was belimic even tho it dident show. It made me feel right. Anyways a year a go i had a galbladder galstone and hernia surgary hospitalized 4 months in total. Hours from death, sufferd from chroic back pain for months brfore caring. And after the surgary for about 6 months i was great even tho i did not have many bowel movements. I ate fruit and veggys all the time fish abd meat and rice and thn i got a boyfriend. Now after that 6 monts of doing so good and not binging and purging i got a boyfriend. This past 6 months has been terrible. We met, i fell for him got him to move in note im 16 hes 19 he ised to be a methfreak for 2 years hes majorly depressed and ahh:( now heres me who just breaks down and ets so mad and then find things just so fuckjng funny i have no idea whats wrog with me i beg him to leave me i have all these acusations and assumptions i think hes gonna find someone amaizng and im still so self consious and low self esteem he doesnt  call me pretty he just shoves his penis in gets off and then gets outbits not a good relationship but as bad as it seems its not hes so loving but sad bause he thinksbi hate him and actuallu want him to leave when i just want him to be happy buy when i think of him happy without me i just get a thousand thoughts aminute start pulling my hair havig panic attacts(5 -10) symtoms. I always feel nausious im always social anxious i cant leave my room. I smoke weed(3-8) grams a day.... I eat bad food all day im so depresssedbi just want verythig to end but then when i clean and make food i am happy when i think of travaling and leavig wherebiblive. I happy. Im only 16 i feel 40 i want lifr over. Help

[tryingsohard702]

give it till the end of the year... (december)... if he hasnt come to his senses by then, he might not ever... or at least in time.

[Kc420]

thank you for the consideration, ive tried. I dont want to think hes not the one for me. I just think im not the one for him. He doesnt seeem to want to work hard like put any effort towards anything. Im still going to try, untill i absolutly cant take it no more. why put yourself threw pain? I have no iddea, i like to think hes worth it and that he will come to his sences and remeber... i can leave, hes hurt me. AHH lmao
sorry

[tryingsohard702]

maybe you should tell him exactly how you feel. if you do that he might understand and maybe hell back off sexually wise and maybe you two can try and cut down no weed. no relationship can work without each others support to do good things and without complete honesty and trust. i think telling him everything you said here is your best bet

[Kc420]

I really dont think emailing is good but thank you im an emotional wreak lol cryed reading your comment bro xD he is the only person ive talked to about anything i talk to him i ruin him with futture assumptions and i just know he has never cared about anything really like it was all about fun and drugs and sex and ... **** like tht with him. I met him a year and a half after he realized **** that but now hes just depressed like when we met were happy then he moved in with me and my dad and now we just stay in my room... All the time besides to grab and sell weed this isent me i hate this but when he ahows the smalleat intret in doing somthing benifital to us i say fuxk it and act like him we are the aame person with many defects to one another i hate myself butbi dont knowbhow i can love him i cant leave him i need hom but imjust so distressed, same with him. Buut boy os he strong, tht and he hasent clued in how bad i am yet

[tryingsohard702]

thats a really unhealthy relationship but you two seem to really care about each other in a different kind of way. i think you should definitely talk to someone whether it be a shrink, a friend, him, or even i would be happy to talk to you. im 17, very self conscious, in a weird relationship, and i love being there for people. anyone really. so if you would like, email me and we can talk more :)
***@****
as for the weight and nausiousness, the weed and unhealthy eating could play a huge factor in that, and maybe eat more healthy and cut back on the weed. you dont have to stop completely, but maybe just smoke less of it. im also happy to talk to you about that if you would like :)

[Kc420]

The other day boyfriend wokeup and saw a note i wrote when breaking down the previous night he came an held passionatly for the first time like he kinda understood at that moment but its gone noe anyways he was crying and i wokeup and just laughed i did not find it funny in anyway but it was ******... Weed is the thing that keeps us close i guess

[Kc420]

Im sexually distressed he just gets me horny then when he gets off he passes out. I can feel myself to feel good im so low in self esteem and i cant get it threw to him. I need to get off and the closest thing to it get when i go to the bathroom and thats only abit and it disinigrates itselfs with the bile thwt is coming out of me... Im so frusytated lol help!?