Bipolar Disorder Community
Help with my Boyfriend
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Bipolar Disorder is also known as "Manic Depressive Disorder". This forum is for questions and support for people with, or for loved ones of people with Bipolar Disorder. The forum covers topics ranging from Aggressive Behavior, Affect on friends and Family, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Appetite Changes, Chronic Pain, Denial, Depression, Difficulty Concentrating, Euphoria, Guilt, Manic Depression, Medications, Mood Swings, Poor Judgment, and Sleep Disorders

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Help with my Boyfriend

My boyfriend is Very Bipolar, he gets mad at just about everything. I understand that he can't help it, but he could make it a little easier on me by attempting to take his medacin. But he won't, he says it makes him think about everything to much, & makes him not want to sleep. But it puts him in a much better mood & makes him so much Happier & I actually want to be around him.

Basically I just want to know how to deal with it. I've never been around someone with Bipolar & I just want to know how to deal with it & react to some of the things he does & says when he gets mad. I love him to death, but I don't think I can put up with it...
Can someone help me understand it a little more ?
4 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_n_tn
You can't make him take his medication, he has to want to take it himself which I know can make it frustrating for you. When someone with Bipolar is 'up' they tend to feel that they no longer need to take their medication and when they becoome low again it can be difficult for them to go back to meds.

I understand that it is difficult for people living with or in a relationship with someone who is Bipolar but nagging will not help him. Perhaps remind him of how good great he was doing when he was on his medication and what an amazing person he is to be around when he is happier, but don't drill it in. Be subtle. It may well make him realise the good his medication was doing and want to take it again.
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Avatar_f_tn
When he gets mad - leave. That is the only thing you can do because trying to reason with him isn't going to work. His body is firing chemicals into his brain that overwhelm it. It isn't that he doesn't want to listen to logic, it's that he can't. But on the same hand - you don't need to put up with abuse or poor behaviour, that is why I am suggesting you leave. You don't have to be dramatic about it, or guilt trippy, just say "I love you but being around you when you are so mad makes me feel __________  and I need to leave for a while" Then leave quickly. Don't let it become an arguement or a bartering tool to cajole him into better behaviour. It isn't open for discussion. A = B. It can't be about him changing, it is about you self preserving.

I would encourage him, not when he is mad but at a calmer point, to go back to his psychiatrist and talk about the medication. He may have a valid point about the medication, perhaps on some levels it isn't working, maybe something else would work better that he would be willing to take. It took me three years to get medication that was tolerable, and worked. I would frame it in the "I love you and don't want to see you suffer" not "You are being a pain in the butt, and driving ME around the bend" lol. Both are likely true to an extent. And that is okay. Even if he can't help it, you have a right to your feelings and they are important.

Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner Second Edition may be a good book to buy and is under $15 at Amazon right now.

And as much as you may love him, if he isn't willing to get help you may have to walk away. You can still be a friend to him, but no one, for any reason, should live in a house filled with anger. It is simply too much to ask.

Good luck. Hopefully he comes around and starts taking some meds. In the meantime take care of yourself.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ive never thought about walking away when he gets mad. Usually I just argue back & the fighting gets worse & worse, but leaving will help, because he can calm down & think about what he says & does. He's got his medacin changed twice so far & he's supposed to get put on ADD medacain too, but I'm not sure if he's actually going to do that yet. But I appreciate your help it's made a lot of sense. Thank you.
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Avatar_f_tn
My boyfriend and I fight alot. When i am in full rage anger he fights with me a little. Then i become disconnected and then he comes around and just holds me and cuddles with me. It just has to pass, and it will. Im bipolar & add/adhd.
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