How do I control my own emotions?

[djydave]

For as long as I can remember I've let other peoples words/actions dictate my mood, which isn't a problem when the influence is positive, but when it's negative, I automatically think of the worst possible thing that could happen and go into extreme depression.

Does anyone have any ideas?

[djydave]

Thank you all for your comments and words of support, I try to take a little bit from everything  I hear/read. I am currently seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist and will continue (I haven't been doing it long yet). I also am an alcoholic/addict in recovery, but I have a lot of practice at that, but I still have a lifetime of work to do. Sometimes that's intimidating, but I just gotta remember one day, one hour, one minute, and sometimes one second at a time.

[Bluetwo]

I just went through what you just went through. Words can really effect me especially when they are negative.  The depressed mood lasted for a couple of weeks but I bounced back by thinking about the situation. The person I was talking to is  an alcoholic co-dependent. Since this person is a novice in recovery and in denial; I shrugged off and didn't let her effect my "recovery program" as a bipolar. We do have a lot of stinking thinking we have to overcome. I have to work on it everyday.

[lindahand]

I am a mood sponge myself. It doesn't cause me to be depressed but it does negatively affect my mood. I am working on it. I do pleasurable things to counter balance negative emotions. One biggy is when my DH comes home from work in a foul mood. I have to really fight not to get caught up in his emotions and wreck my own night. Some days I succeed. I think working with a psychologist would be helpful as they can give you tools to counter these issues. At least that is what I am doing.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I don't know, I've found it's relatively easy to control my emotions by changing them entirely once I actually thought to try.  I can't really explain it, it's like flexing a muscle.  I found it's better though to let them come and go on their own and analyze them instead of acting out on them or trying to change them.  I view emotions as a flaw of us being mortal beings.

[calmshell]

Hi.. I have always been one to immediately think that whatever someone else was doing /saying was almost always correct or the "right" thing about me, or other things  ( a comment, a look, or pretty much anything ) usually whether positive or negative ......

I have had anxiety for about 4 years now and a lot of it was about me always thinking about how I acted, what I said, if it was "good " enough, "right" enough, etc...I learned through various articles and books on anxiety that overthinking, over -analyzing etc. about how OTHERS see you /think of you , or other things, etc. only lead to more worrying, more checking to monitor yourself or see if you are "right".., or if what they are SAYING is right....I had an upbringing (which I learned to look at childhood for roots of things with my anxiety in my life) of a LOT of criticism which after looking back upon, I realized none of it was true ABOUT me...it was coming from someone who was always upset or frustrated about their OWN things and then projected everything on me...so of course over time one would internalize negativity...... sometimes i think we pick up on negativity of what others are saying and think that is truth......what people say is not always truth, and I've found a lot of the times actually its not!

One book that i have actually told others about on this site that has VERY much helped me for MANY things was Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" ....he talks of how words in themselves separate things in this world into fragments ...in other words, a lot of what people think of a situation/themselves can be distorted because it is only being based on their own memories/ and feelings (or thoughts/..ego   -incessant , usually negative stream of thinking that we all subconsiously do ) of the situation/person......Tolle's book says that .thoughts /words/ situations are not what is REALLy us as amazing beings..I have increased my own self esteem and knowing that I can trust ME and what I say or think and look at things usually as everything is fine.... knowing that just being in the NOW ONLY (which he talks about a lot in The Power of Now) we can see things always objectively and how there is not really positive /negative...right/wrong , good/bad...in life;  one of the quotes he had used was "the deeper interconnectedness of all things and events implies the mental labels of "good" and "bad" are ultimately illusory.." And, "through excessive reliance
on thinking, reality becomes fragmented..."
I'm not sure if this at all helps..i am so sorry if I rambled, I just like to share with anyone what has helped me, and I think I could somewhat relate to what you had said... ...in the past I have grappled with various frightening/anxious feelings/thoughts, and questioned myself before...these things have helped me (book, quotes) a lot and I wish you the best too......maybe talk to you another time here......take care.

[mopeybeanery]

I am exactly like that. I want people to always be happy with me and like me. It would upset my whole day if a person even looked at me the wrong way. In school, it was hell for me because some kids can just be mean. I am a very introverted person and shy and  someone called me stuck-up and it destroyed me. I went on meds for social anxiety and they are a life saver. Maybe that could be an option for you. I also had to learn to not let other people control my happiness. If they don't like me, then I don't want to know them anyway! I hope this helps at least a little. Good luck and best wishes, Mopeybeanery :)

[ILADVOCATE]

Well that's worth discussing with a psychologist as sometimes having a problem with self identity can be a part of many psychiatric disabilities including bipolar and its essential to have a sense of self definition. Some of this may be psychiatric as well but only a psychiatrist could determine the specifics and what would be appropriate follow up but it would be worth discussing this with one in addition to a psychologist.