How do you carry on and figtht

I feel like im at a border, a little depressed but still not completley down, yet my thoughts are extreme. I think  maybe im experiencing a mixed episode. I have never felt like giving up before but I feel like I cant do this again. Im in a panic, I want it to just stop. Im no where near being as sick as I have been in the past yet I feel more fragile if that makes sense, probably not as nothing I am thinking makes sense. I feel like I have no where to turn, I dont have anyone who understands this illness, I am constantly trying to protect everyone around me and so I can never open up, when I have done it in the past I feel like people are shocked and horrified and certainly do not understand. From the outside I look perfectly normal and yet if someone was to look inside they would see a mess. My family deserve better and I dont know how to give it to them.

[lindahand]

I just wanted to let you know that someone read this. I don't have much of an answer except that you just 'do'. Somewhere, somehow there is this little spark in us that says 'just maybe tomorrow will be a bit better than today' Sometimes that spark is pretty little, but it is still there. If your family knows they are loved, that is the best that you can give them. The rest in the end won't matter as long as you continue to affirm who they are as people.

[Amy4891]

I agree sometimes some people just don't understand, and we cannot make them. So I think it is best to just find those that can understand so we do not feel so alone. I also bottle alot of stuff up and while that can be good to save others from my mood swings it does nothing for me but make me feel like I am exploding inside myself. I guess it has kept me from destroying some of my relationships though. We cannot hold everything inside though. I say find people that you can talk to....like us on here. I love this community because I think we can help each other on here by understanding and in someways help support each other. Maybe a support group might help you. I know sometimes seeing a therapist is just not enough especially when we are going through crisises. I hope you feel better soon.

[Amy4891]

Also it has been my experiance that people who really care and do not judge you will strive to better understand you and your illnesses. I am not saying everyone that loves you will do this because even people who love us are so prone to judgement above understanding. If that is the case maybe you should just try to accept that they do not understand. I know it can be hard to do, but it can be done. I was so upset when I felt like no one understood what I was going through. During my stay in the hospital I got to talk to so many people who did understand, and I found this community, and I am going to a support group. Now I feel like there are so many people that do understand, and I feel not so alone anymore. It makes it easier for me to accept that some people just may never understand, and I have to remember that we are all human and none of us are perfect...only complicated, lol. :-)