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I don't want to lose my bipolar boyfriend...

I have been involved in a relationship for about 11 months now.  In the beginning it was absolutely perfect.  He was so sweet, loving and just wanted to be together all the time.  It was truly wonderful. After a couple months, he had some serious depressed states where he just didn't want to do anything, talk, nothing, even spoke about just 'giving up'...Now he has been struggling with some stresses as well in the past years, serious abdominal issues as a child, loss of his mother about 7 yrs ago, and in the process of divorce from his wife of 15 years with 3 children plus not having a job nor insurance.  He openly discussed all his 'issues' with me and I would always try to be supportive & understanding when he was feeling down or depressed.  As time went by, our relationship kept getting more of the ups & downs, he would get frustrated with me for everything, even when it came to my job (Bar Manager).  I knew that he had a difficult with my job so to show my true love & committment to our relationship, I switched back to my previous career of just corporate with normal days & hours.  Things haven't changed, it almost seems to be getting worse.  He had a beyond drunk episode a couple weeks ago that truly scared me with the way he acted, so out of control & spiteful.  When we finally spoke, he turned it on me for not talking to him & refused to talk about what happened.  Since that, he has become even more pulled away from me.  We finally had a chance to talk this past weekend when at first he didn't even want me around to later saying that he thinks he had an 'episode' and feels bad.  But by that point, I have been holding all of these festering feelings inside that when I finally had a chance to talk to him, I truly exploded.  I apologized over & over again and it seems that I'm the one always apologizing for both of us.  He says he loves me on the phone but then won't talk to me, return my calls or texts for a day & says he doesn't know how he feels about 'us' & loving me.  I am so confused, heart broken beyond belief, frustrated and just don't know what to do anymore.  My biggest problem is that I love him so much & I don't know how to talk to him or reach out to him anymore....How do I know when it starts, ends & when  or if I should even talk to him about it.   Sorry for so much, but I guess it's truly starting to consume me & I'm just looking for some kind of insight.   Please help....
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5790942 tn?1374334321
hello,
I am being treated for bipolar one, and my boyfriend happens to have been diagnosed with the same disorder (he does not take medication, however.) I understand how difficult your situation is. One thing I can say is it has been better for us to learn not to be attatched to eachothers emotions. In other words, I try not to ever let my wellness be disturbed by his always changing moods, and vice versa. That is not to say you should no longer be there for him, of course not. But for me, if I am well while helping him through his struggle it is easier than when I am irritable and frustrated by his mood.

best of luck
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your response.  I have been going through so many & they have been insightful...guess it's just difficult because you keep looking for that 'right' answer which as I have been discovering, there is none....it truly saddens me because like I said, I truly love him so much.  I even asked him when he says he's not sure how he feels about me, if he just wants space or to not be with me anymore and all he ever tells me is 'no' or 'i'll let you know'...it almost seems cruel & like an intentional head game with me to see how much I can take....  You are right in saying, I am definately learning alot about myself, sometimes good & sometimes not....
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Avatar universal
Hi  ... First of all my sincere appreciation for the love you have which makes you stick on inspite of the challenges  . Being a chronic depressive (  im not that gloomy btw lol )  i realised that though hgaving mental illness is very challenging it  is even more challenging to be the loved one of a mentally ill  ..  

Hey  , though there are no quick answers  .. Pls go through other peoples questions and answers in bipolar forum , I found them very useful .  Also just because we are very loving doesnt make the illnesses go away  .  Please read a lot  on what to do when you are the normal partner in a relationship . Soon you will get answers though each persons situation is unique .. My situation was also unique ( i fell in love with a borderline girl whew  ... )  and i realised more about "me "from the relationship  ...
Feel free to ask me any questions or whatever if i can be of help ,.,. Only thing i may not  be very prompt  .. Pls acknowledge .. regards
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