Aa
I think I have Bipolar Disorder
Hi there,
I am still in the very beginning of finding out what is going on with me... but here it goes and I would love some advice and support :)
I have had a horrible medical history which includes 2 open-heart surgeries by the age of 31 and a lot of other serious health problems and operations and I was expecting to have some degree of depression. In 2009 I was diagnosed with major depression due to the "pump head syndrome" which is a chemical imbalance that takes place during open-heart surgeries. It made sense to me and I started taking anti depressants for it (Cipralex on 5-10mg) but I still had days/weeks/months that I would feel depressed and some days frustrated/agro for no apparent reason. I would have hyper days also - that I was just over-excited for no apparent reason, but I thought it was normal. I would also be very courageous in situations where other would run I would stand my man and fight for what is right! I would come back from Hospital after all the operations and just be happy to be alive! I did not have much family-support or anything and would just play Super-woman for a few days and then after 3 days of no eating and sleeping, I would crash into a pathetic little ball and just cry and get up and go again.
No suicide attempts, but self-destructive behaviour like not eating for days :(
Long story short: 3 weeks ago I woke up with so much energy and I quit my job and I felt on top of the world as I hated my job and I did not and could not sleep or eat for 3 days and soon my stomach was upset and eventually I went to my GP as I though I had a stomach-bug and I needed sleeping tabs as my script ran out - only to hear: you are now on a manic/hyper phase of possibly Bipolar Disorder or major depression!
I was shocked and the Doc almost got a good kick on the knee for saying that, but my spouse was also there and he told the Doc how I've been behaving hyper all week and they both decided that they had the right to place me under "suicide watch" (visit GP 4 consecutive days at 4pm) and start me on Valpro and Seroqual.
We left town for a week - planned holiday - and I got a call from my GP and we would talk about my sleeping habits, etc.
Now I don't know who and what I am anymore.
I've had days that I just slept! Then nights that I just could not sleep. They cut my meds down. Instead of gaining weight, I have lost even more weight and I am thin. I am seeing the GP and Psyco Doc today and don't know what to expect.
I am still in the very beginning of finding out what is going on with me... but here it goes and I would love some advice and support :)
I have had a horrible medical history which includes 2 open-heart surgeries by the age of 31 and a lot of other serious health problems and operations and I was expecting to have some degree of depression. In 2009 I was diagnosed with major depression due to the "pump head syndrome" which is a chemical imbalance that takes place during open-heart surgeries. It made sense to me and I started taking anti depressants for it (Cipralex on 5-10mg) but I still had days/weeks/months that I would feel depressed and some days frustrated/agro for no apparent reason. I would have hyper days also - that I was just over-excited for no apparent reason, but I thought it was normal. I would also be very courageous in situations where other would run I would stand my man and fight for what is right! I would come back from Hospital after all the operations and just be happy to be alive! I did not have much family-support or anything and would just play Super-woman for a few days and then after 3 days of no eating and sleeping, I would crash into a pathetic little ball and just cry and get up and go again.
No suicide attempts, but self-destructive behaviour like not eating for days :(
Long story short: 3 weeks ago I woke up with so much energy and I quit my job and I felt on top of the world as I hated my job and I did not and could not sleep or eat for 3 days and soon my stomach was upset and eventually I went to my GP as I though I had a stomach-bug and I needed sleeping tabs as my script ran out - only to hear: you are now on a manic/hyper phase of possibly Bipolar Disorder or major depression!
I was shocked and the Doc almost got a good kick on the knee for saying that, but my spouse was also there and he told the Doc how I've been behaving hyper all week and they both decided that they had the right to place me under "suicide watch" (visit GP 4 consecutive days at 4pm) and start me on Valpro and Seroqual.
We left town for a week - planned holiday - and I got a call from my GP and we would talk about my sleeping habits, etc.
Now I don't know who and what I am anymore.
I've had days that I just slept! Then nights that I just could not sleep. They cut my meds down. Instead of gaining weight, I have lost even more weight and I am thin. I am seeing the GP and Psyco Doc today and don't know what to expect.
Best Answer
Hi there,
Thanks Robbie! I am crying now but luckily I have no make-up on yet :)
I needed your post so much today! I woke up this morning feeling the way you described yourself above: no family that would understand, no friends to talk to and did not sleep very well last night. I often hear sounds that does not exists (the washing machine has a distinctive peeping noise and some days I would hear it and then I am not doing washing... I have figured it out: the brain is such a complex thing that I think these sounds that we hear are repetitive noises during the day and when it is quiet and your mind starts to "reboot" then it come up. or something like that :)
So, I tell you what, from now on: when we can not sleep at night: let's count our blessings in stead of sheep and when you feel you have no one to talk to, come here and talk to me and to the others - you can PM me any time! or even email me (I'll send you a PM with my addy). and THAT is how God helps us on earth: by giving us friends and blessings.
I feel so much better! we're gonna be okay!
Thanks Robbie! I am crying now but luckily I have no make-up on yet :)
I needed your post so much today! I woke up this morning feeling the way you described yourself above: no family that would understand, no friends to talk to and did not sleep very well last night. I often hear sounds that does not exists (the washing machine has a distinctive peeping noise and some days I would hear it and then I am not doing washing... I have figured it out: the brain is such a complex thing that I think these sounds that we hear are repetitive noises during the day and when it is quiet and your mind starts to "reboot" then it come up. or something like that :)
So, I tell you what, from now on: when we can not sleep at night: let's count our blessings in stead of sheep and when you feel you have no one to talk to, come here and talk to me and to the others - you can PM me any time! or even email me (I'll send you a PM with my addy). and THAT is how God helps us on earth: by giving us friends and blessings.
I feel so much better! we're gonna be okay!
Smiley, I would like to say first handed how much I commend you for your strength and positiveness. You show in your attitude and approach with much joy and willingness to learn. I admire your courage so much, reading what you have endured has certainly spoke to me today. You are a lovely person and glow with radiance of life, your children are so beautiful too. I feel so insignificant now and a little embarrassed with my complaints, none the less they are real. We must always think more of others than ourselves, I never want to get so self centered like that, you know? My prayers to you and God's Unchanging Hand Be Upon You always-Robbie
Well said. What happens when in my situation I have absolutely no one to help me out. I am totally on my own and can not open up to my daughter due to events which has weakened our relationship and trust me she does not involve me in her life since sadly the church she belongs to were most influential and was a factor in our separation because I left and moved on with what I felt led to do. My family (mom, dad, sister, brother) are all in another state and certainly have their own struggles with illness and I'm afraid it would be understood or just thought of as being emotional. I have called in today due to not sleeping, nervous, and I am in dire financial stress currently and feel very susceptible at this moment and fearful that I will end up in hospital which hasn't happened but came close. I have no insurance, no spouse, and live in a tourist town(the last place a person with this needs to be as the traffic triggers much more anxiety) and have no local close friends to socialize and do things. I just am feeling hopeless right at this moment as I know all you experience this from time to time. Also, this is the 2nd time that during early am hours when I have insomnia I begin to get fearful and "hear" muffling sounds from a distance of women talking, not the actual words but the sounds of several of them talking at the same time(does this sound out of character with BP?) This has happened before not very long ago, and I know that the voices are not really happening.
I am glad I'd decided to join this side of the Forum and that I came in contact with you! thanks for your help and info and for explaining things so well.
I was not hospitalized. After the visit at the GP, I was allowed to leave with my hubby as he got my meds at the Chemist, the kids were off to camp for the weekend and I took it and had to check in at the GP every day at 4pm and that is how they did it. I wished someone would offer to admit me as I was really nauseous and felt horrible and a bit anxious about the effects from the new medication, but this is a really basic Hospital and no Psyco Docs and I was not hallucinating or a danger to anything.
I hope that I can avoid ever being hospitalized and will take my meds and try to avoid manias and Hospitals.
The past 3 weeks + has been a rough ride and my meds are actually I think working for me... Valpro is suppose to give me an appetite and according to Doc and pamphlet I am going to gain weight? but so far so good. No appetite and no weight increase. The first week on the meds were: nausea and feeling horrid. I am suppose to take the 25mg Seroquel in the mornings and I took 1 this morning and dropped off the kids, did shopping and tried looking like a normal person, but I am dead tired on my feet now. Going to take my night-time meds soon and lights out.
Tomorrow will be a better day :) keep smiling!
I was not hospitalized. After the visit at the GP, I was allowed to leave with my hubby as he got my meds at the Chemist, the kids were off to camp for the weekend and I took it and had to check in at the GP every day at 4pm and that is how they did it. I wished someone would offer to admit me as I was really nauseous and felt horrible and a bit anxious about the effects from the new medication, but this is a really basic Hospital and no Psyco Docs and I was not hallucinating or a danger to anything.
I hope that I can avoid ever being hospitalized and will take my meds and try to avoid manias and Hospitals.
The past 3 weeks + has been a rough ride and my meds are actually I think working for me... Valpro is suppose to give me an appetite and according to Doc and pamphlet I am going to gain weight? but so far so good. No appetite and no weight increase. The first week on the meds were: nausea and feeling horrid. I am suppose to take the 25mg Seroquel in the mornings and I took 1 this morning and dropped off the kids, did shopping and tried looking like a normal person, but I am dead tired on my feet now. Going to take my night-time meds soon and lights out.
Tomorrow will be a better day :) keep smiling!
Yes, your doctor can hospitalize you without your consent when you are not able to function well, a risk to yourself and or others. it's because you are in mania or possibly in a flucuating state from the nature of your postings and the comments you made in other threads. That is my guess, at least. I know it's disconcerting. My first psychiatric hospitalization was involuntary too. I was pretty spacey, extremely agitated, nervous, paranoid, delusional and hallucinating a bit, although I didn't know it at the time. I remember all I wanted to do was run from everything. Luckily, my sister's boyfriend had experience taking his Mom to be hospitalized when her mental illness went awry. She was schizophrenic, and I did not know that. He packed my bag, told me to wear elastic sports pants, a sweatshirt and tee shirt and slip on shoes, and then they drove me to the ER, and all the while Imwas telling them. i was ok and we can just get the medicine and I canh go home. The very nice psych ER resident interviewed me, said he wanted tontalk to my sistetpr, asked me if iI wanted juice and crackers, and then had a guard posted outside the door, which was left open so the guard can watch me, Then, I was escorted by the doctor, 2 guards and a nurse to the lock up psych ward.
When I got there, it was a small ward, only 10 beds in ll. The staff was just aa friendly and kind as the ER psych doctor, and even though I didn't want to be there and constantly thought of escaping, i felt safer. I didn't get better until the medication worked -after 3 days, which was alsonwhen my 72 hour involuntary hold was up. Then, the psychiatrist who saw me every day, said i should stay in the hospital a little longer and would Inagree to that? Luckily, Insaid the right thing, which was sure, why not? Otherwise, He would have put me on another involuntary hold. I still couldn't think very well. All I thought about was that i really liked art therapy and they had an unlimited supply of sugarfree, nonfat chocolate pudding, which wasn't so bad. Besides, it was reasonably quiet in there and "uncomplicated," and The running away feeling was starting to subside.
Don't worry so much about supporing your husband right now. What is really the priority is to get you better. You can ask about support for you husband wihen you are in the hospital and connected with a social worker. Everything will follow. They know this is your first psychiatric hospitalization. If you talk to your husband you will find that what he wants is for you to get better. That is the first line of support for him.
I know you are probably scared. That's okay. I've beenhospitalized many times, some volunarily and others without my consent. that's my course. Some people never get hospitalized, some only have the one, and other have a little more. I've seen a lot of people come in after their first manic episode like yours. The reasono why you are being hospitalized is because the mania was serious and you are being medicated for the first time. For each person, thepsychiatric medication is trial and error, They try it, and see if it works. If it doesn't or you get a side effect that can'to be tolerated or manage, they try another. If it works, they stay the course or up the dose depending onyour response. Then, they watch you a little more until the psychiatrist thinks you are stable enough. Then they watch you just a tad more, and set you free. However, they will have to send you out with a follow up plan. Going back out in the world after what your mind went through is like going through culture shock and jet lag after being in a foreign country and returning home.
I worked with Australian nurses. They were a good bunch. They always mke me laugh and they take their job seriously, I also have great respect for the Royal Flying Doctors. I heard a lot about them.
Seriously, Smiley. Just take it easy and just take getting better to task. when you get in the psych ward, they will give younpamphlets on your rights and information on involuntary holds. I find, for the most part, there are similarities between the developed countries in medicine and hospitals. A few of the doctors and nurses I know have gone to Australia to helpset upnwards or give talks there. My hospital is pretty international. I've worked with South African doctors and nurses, as well as Nigeria, Bahamas, Scotland, Ireland, etc. By the way, when I was a kid, i watched an Australian television show called, Smiley, which was the name of the main character, a boy living in a small Australian town. Just a little light trivia for you :)
When I got there, it was a small ward, only 10 beds in ll. The staff was just aa friendly and kind as the ER psych doctor, and even though I didn't want to be there and constantly thought of escaping, i felt safer. I didn't get better until the medication worked -after 3 days, which was alsonwhen my 72 hour involuntary hold was up. Then, the psychiatrist who saw me every day, said i should stay in the hospital a little longer and would Inagree to that? Luckily, Insaid the right thing, which was sure, why not? Otherwise, He would have put me on another involuntary hold. I still couldn't think very well. All I thought about was that i really liked art therapy and they had an unlimited supply of sugarfree, nonfat chocolate pudding, which wasn't so bad. Besides, it was reasonably quiet in there and "uncomplicated," and The running away feeling was starting to subside.
Don't worry so much about supporing your husband right now. What is really the priority is to get you better. You can ask about support for you husband wihen you are in the hospital and connected with a social worker. Everything will follow. They know this is your first psychiatric hospitalization. If you talk to your husband you will find that what he wants is for you to get better. That is the first line of support for him.
I know you are probably scared. That's okay. I've beenhospitalized many times, some volunarily and others without my consent. that's my course. Some people never get hospitalized, some only have the one, and other have a little more. I've seen a lot of people come in after their first manic episode like yours. The reasono why you are being hospitalized is because the mania was serious and you are being medicated for the first time. For each person, thepsychiatric medication is trial and error, They try it, and see if it works. If it doesn't or you get a side effect that can'to be tolerated or manage, they try another. If it works, they stay the course or up the dose depending onyour response. Then, they watch you a little more until the psychiatrist thinks you are stable enough. Then they watch you just a tad more, and set you free. However, they will have to send you out with a follow up plan. Going back out in the world after what your mind went through is like going through culture shock and jet lag after being in a foreign country and returning home.
I worked with Australian nurses. They were a good bunch. They always mke me laugh and they take their job seriously, I also have great respect for the Royal Flying Doctors. I heard a lot about them.
Seriously, Smiley. Just take it easy and just take getting better to task. when you get in the psych ward, they will give younpamphlets on your rights and information on involuntary holds. I find, for the most part, there are similarities between the developed countries in medicine and hospitals. A few of the doctors and nurses I know have gone to Australia to helpset upnwards or give talks there. My hospital is pretty international. I've worked with South African doctors and nurses, as well as Nigeria, Bahamas, Scotland, Ireland, etc. By the way, when I was a kid, i watched an Australian television show called, Smiley, which was the name of the main character, a boy living in a small Australian town. Just a little light trivia for you :)
We immigrated/moved to Australia 2 years ago. Apart from my Spouse and kids, I don't have family and many friends here. We live in a small Mining-town and Medical supplies/resources are very limited. We do have a Hospital with about 5 beds, but most patients gets flown out of town to the City (Royal Flying Doctors).
According to my Spouse and the Doctor: they have the right to admit me if I don't want to work with them. Not sure where to look up my rights.
I don't have a good relationship with my family in South-Africa. But what can I do to support my Spouse with what is happening with me now?
According to my Spouse and the Doctor: they have the right to admit me if I don't want to work with them. Not sure where to look up my rights.
I don't have a good relationship with my family in South-Africa. But what can I do to support my Spouse with what is happening with me now?
Hi there!
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post! Awesome info and a bit of a role-reversal for me as I've been an active Community Leader on the GERD and Heart and ENT and Back and Neck Forums and now I am just another patient that got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and it is so complicated and overwhelming.
I am going to respond in another thread in order to reach more people.
Speak to you soon :)
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post! Awesome info and a bit of a role-reversal for me as I've been an active Community Leader on the GERD and Heart and ENT and Back and Neck Forums and now I am just another patient that got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and it is so complicated and overwhelming.
I am going to respond in another thread in order to reach more people.
Speak to you soon :)
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Since you are newly diagnosed, talk therapy is important. It takes some time to comprehend and adjust to the bolar diagnosis. Basically, almost the same sort of process that you went through when you went through your cardiac issues. In a way, you have an advantage because you've already dealt with mayor medical conditions that required life adjustments.
I didn't reallyhave any health issues before I got hit over the head with my psychiatric issues. I went through denial and anger and it complicated my course because I was initially not very compliant. I was lucky that I eventually started to listen and cooperate, that my doctors did not give up on me,were more understanding than I was to myself, and treated me better than I treated them. I was also lucky we had 2 way, mutually respectful dialogues and exchanges. I've apologized for my bad behavior quite a few times, by the way. It wasn't my finest moments.) Which brings up another issuet that it is really easy to be really hard on yourself. It's one of the weapons of depression, and you'll be amazed how you can fall easily into that pithole.
Your course will be unique to you but the essential characteristics of bipolar disorder present. You may find that you will question at times that you are actually bolar. This is usual. I'm convinced I'm bipolar 14 years since my diagnosis, but every once in awhile, I would put it on the table and ask my doctors if I'm really bipolar. I actually asked that question just 2 weeks ago. The reason is because I'm pretty much stable now and I am forgetting how it felt like not feeling well I'm in "recovery" right now, and I'm making sure I do everything right to keep me from falling into the cycling again. I haven't cycled at all, and now I have absolutely no hallucinations, no delusions, no suicide ideations, and I've even gone through a couple of major health and family crises and I'm astounded that I didn't tip into hypomania or depression or that I am manaing pretty well.
I got into this website and a bipolar support group to keep myself in perspective and learn from others in effective ways of coping. I also had to learn to distance myself from anything that makes me uneasy that I don't really need to go through. I really don't want to repeat my former bad habits or take this disorder for granted. I also dodn't want my treatment regiment or my disorder to encompass my whole life or impinge on my freedom and independence. I like flexibility, room for spontaneity, breathing space and keeping my world open to all the wonders and possibilities and my feet grounded, although I still will take chances, making sure the odds are even or pretty good. If I make a mistalke or fail, I pick myself off the ground, dust myself off, review why I tripped, gather up my confidence, check my resources, consult and give the thumbs up to my support group, and try again with some adjustments and keep my eue on the prize.. When I take a bite out of it. I enjoy it and then it's another apple to pick. In other words, remember that you haven't stopped living and you still are capable of being happy.
Don't sweat the small stuff, but try your best to make things better and stay the course, even if you don't believe you won't make it. you can apply it to your weoght loss or if you can weight. Just notice it and do what you need to do to be healthy. Others will let you know not to "listen or be fooled by the depression." You may be hospitalized when you are very manic or depressed and cannot functon well or safely. As you know, we generally aren't very good listeners or judge well either in mania or depression, and it requires a watchful eye if you or your family can't keep you safe. When you get hospitalized, it's basically to keep you safe from harm, and it's usually not for a long time for the most part.
Your doctors may put you through day hospital where you go through grpup therapy sessions and learn coping skills or treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or even biofeedback. I don't really know Australia, but here in the US, we do not have to take medications or treatments unless we consent to it. Our confidentiality is well guarded due to privacy laws. I would read up on such laws if I were you. Just ask your psych doc that you want resources about it. It's most likely accessible online. The other important thing is to be honest with the doctor you feel comfortable with and trust and rort anything that troubles, bothers or even causes you anxiety or problems. It can either be alleviated, removed or temporary or on the other side of the coin, be an adverse reaction to watch out for. Taking time to know your meds, treatment, illness and having a dialogue about them with your doctors, therapists, psychopharmacologist or any orther reliable source. Just remember each person experiences is their own, and not necessarily yours, and vice versa. It's ok to relate but not to compare because bipolar disorder and other mental illnessses and their treatments come in many flavors.
I can go on and on, but I'll stop here. I hope ithos is helpful. It's probably mpre than you asked for, and I don't expect you to remember or find everything I say useful. I'm still learning. Others can gove good insights and advice that speaks to you. I wish you the best. Take good care of yourself. My regards to your family, friends and support.