I think my wife is bipolar, can somebody help?

[delzar]

I have been married for 9 years and been together for 10 years. We have a beautiful 8 yr old son.  
      My wife has told me she wants a divorce at least 10 times.  She goes through mood changes.  She will LOVE me for 6 months, then she decides she does not love me anymore for another 2-6 months.  Then she goes back to loving me again.  I have never quit on our marriage and never will.  I love my wife with all my heart.  She claims that she is just trying, but the things she does when times are good are not things somebody who is trying does.  She constantly changes her mind about everything.  One minute she wants something done one way, and when I do it that way, she sometimes gets mad and tells me "she never told me to do it that way" or that "she never said that".
     Just recently, she gave me a card that said "thank you for never giving up on us, I truly love you"  She also told me this to my face, she thanked me and told me how much she loved me and thanked me for never quiting or giving up.
     She will go through being very very happy and loving with me (she claims is just trying), then all the sudden it is "I want a divorce, I don't love you".  We have gone through marriage counseling twice before.  The counselor says that he believes that she love me very much but, something sets her off, and she then blocks all of the loving feelings to protect herself.  He went on to tell me that "she tries to hide her feelings so she does not get hurt".  
     We have a really good friend who is bipolar and her husband is a psychology major.  They have both told me that she very well may be bipolar.  Our bipolar friend also went on to tell me that she did many of the same things before she was diagnosed with being bipolar.  I have also had people who have worked for us and other friends tell me that she is bipolar.  
     Some of the people who have worked for us have had some of the same problems with her.  She will tell them to do something one way, then when they finish, she will get mad and say she never said to do it that way.
     I have told my wife that she may need to see a doctor because she may have a problem or be bipolar.  She gets angry and blows it off.  Can somebody help?  I love my wife with all my heart and I want to hold this family together.  I know that she loves me.  I will never walk out on her or my son.    
      

[delzar]

BTW,  
She is ALWAYS tired no matter how much sleep she gets.  Her mind is always racing from one thing to another.  When she gets in her moods of not wanting to be with me, she starts going out and drinking when she is away on business.

[LetaB]

  You seem to already know what the answer to your question is. Unfortunately, unless she presents a danger to herself or someone else there is little you can do to "force" her to seek treatment. She needs to educate herself and come to her own conclusions. Is she happy? When her emotions soar and crash are you able to point this out to her at the time? How does she trat your son and how does your son feel about her? Until she starts to flounder in her life - and this usually means a traumatic incident - she could just go this way forever. Can your friend in psychiatry suggest anything? Perhaps marriage counseling would be a good start. If the person counseling has enough skills they should be able to see what the main issue is and maybe having someone professional tell her she's needing help would make her think. Good luck, sir. I sure hope something gives.

[delzar]

Thank you Leta,
My son love her very much.  She is pretty level with him for the most part.  She is very loving towards him.  It is usually me that she has the highs and lows with.    When she goes into "I don't love you", she is usually very depressed and not happy.  She starts grabbing onto friends and her family for support and attention.  She will be on the phone with her friends and family all the time.  
     THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DEALTH WITH IN MY 38 YEARS OF LIFE!!!!  I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP, AND THAT REALLY ANGERS HER WHEN SHE IS DEPRESSED!!!  

[mrgilpo]

I have a very similar situation with my wife of almost 16 years.  She was just recently diagnosed as bipolar 2 and has been on and off in depressions for years.  Since this is all very new to us, I cannot offer much advice other than to do all you can to convince her to see a psychiatrist and to be completly honest with the dr.  Like you, I am committed to remaining supportive and to helping her through the tough times.  Really, that is all we can do.  If you are like me it is the memories of the good times and hope for more in the future that sustain you through the bad times.  With proper medication and therapy, bipolar can be managed.

I have learned that drinking and other behaviors can be a form of self-medication or an attempt to mask other symptoms.  Remember that this is a disease and it can be treated by professionals.  Also keep in mind that you are not alone, there are support groups for spouses and family members and this forum can be a great resource.

Hang in there,

mrgilpo

[RichReligion]

You have to be her best friend...try not to make her worry..don't play games with her..act like there is no problem; she has to gain confidence. Let her know how good she's doing..even if she's failing a lil. Watch comedy shows; laugh a lil. Make sure she's being her and doing the thing she's used to doing...Most B.P's forget who they are and what they used to do: don't allow her to do so. Reminder about who she is...help her keep a journal or agenda...bad things.

[Calientemommy29]

I was just reading your comment.. and it made me think. I've been married almost 7 years. We've been together 9. We have 6 kids..... Two were from my previous marriage, one from his.. He is wonderful to me. however, as I was reading all of this... ( BP ) Runs in my family. My Twin has it, my brother and my mother. ok back to As I was reading your post, I sat and felt very comforted. I to think I am BP. I will be going to a doctor but what you said really struck a nerve. I have forgotten ME. I sometimes have to ask my husband What did I use to do, what use to make me happy? Why do I act out like I do sometimes?  I love my husband with all my heart but there are times I can't help but just be mad at him. He is wonderful, and he know's I've been depressed but how do I tell him I think I may be bp?    My brother tried to kill himself " he didnt know he had it". until he almost died. My mother left 5 kids, when my lil sis was only 12... I had to help raise her..
I fear that if I admit this, and see a doctor and its true my husband will fear me, more than love me?
I guess I fear being like my mother, my brother, and my sister.. I've always said how horrible it can be just to deal with them.. I LOVE THEM dont get me wrong but now I feel Im in the same boat.
I guess my reason for writting to you, is because i thought I was fine, but reading your post made me see that I'm not ok... I know I need help to find me again!
Thanks for putting it the way you did....

[Calientemommy29]

Sorry, my post was to you... not Delzar.