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599170 tn?1300973893

Is my husband bi polar Please help Me

hey all I really need help Im considering divorcing my husband but I think he is seriously bipolar and could be helped..he has extreme mood swings singing happy one minute,,swearing and throwing objects the nest his behavior is getting progressivly worse,,ge pushed me hard the other day andhe never layed a hand on me for 18 years,,I went to doctor and had it documented...How do i tell if hes bipolar, can I force him to get help like if me and his parents all signed a paper together,,,he says stuff like I hate my life I wish i was dead,,,I hate having kids all the time  and we honestly got it good our kids are normal behaved not perfect but not horride either,,,,,our oldest is joining service in June he had a blow out with his Dad ,,,who threatedned once again to kick him outta hous he said dont worry Dad I will be outta here soon,,you treat everyone like **** in this hous from Mom to the dog you are seriosuly bipolar this is fro a 17 year olds mouth....Im going to college in one year i will be able to support myself..Im becoming aware of him  forgeting things he says like minutes later..any advice..i walk on egg shells and Im sick of that....yet I do think if I could get him medicated we might be ok,,I am so confused Please Help me.
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574118 tn?1305135284
sorry to have given you the impression that i am a psychologist. i should have said "if i were a psychologist". in fact am an engineer
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599170 tn?1300973893
i have two safe places to go that are near my sisters or my moms theyd both take me and kids in in a n emergency it wouldnt be for long because I believe me and the kids would gethous till youngest graduates thats why i need legal advice id change tumblers on doors asap if that happens.
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599170 tn?1300973893
I agree with you whole heartedly hes no role model for preteen and young teen boys and Im not gonna take it any more,,the day he shoved me was like the straw that broke the camels back,.,,,the guns are gone i took them to a house of a friend that has a combination metal gun safe they are hunting rifles..but they do not neeed to be here

He has intimidated me all these yearsa and now Im enpowering my self and hes realising whats happening...to little too late on his part i want out,,Im gonna get some counseling for myself just to be sure all my thoughts are in order and on how to best help my children,,,he can have visitation.,.but hes got to stop bad mouthing me to them i dont do that hes their dad and they love him...they dont need to know at this age the things that have happened...I have always told them real men dont hit women ever walk away,,,so even little kid fights on the block when they was younger they wouldnt hit a girl...

I think its great your a psychologist I can summarise breifly what I think he was a late in life menopausal suprise to his mom she never said no to anything..he likes to be babied,,well i had 3 babies in 5 years and didnt have too much extra time to pamper him as he was used to,,,his own mom said shes never seen a man jealous of his own children,,,,what really broke us was baby number three was a suprise he wanted me to abort him and I refused I jusr couldnt live with myself had I done that,,,now the youngest is the apple of his dads eye,,,he tries to be a good dad but has a real short fuse,,dont take much to set him off,,,and he worries about irrational things...Like we are planniong oldest sons graduation party and parking is limited onmy street  and hes so freaked about it Im like they will have to park around the block and walk its not a big deal think how far you walk when parked at a zoo or even a shopping mall etc...


he wants everthing perfect I try its not possible perfect is a tall order our kids get decent to good grades. their rooms are sloppy, they have nice friends they have exoerimented with pot the oldest two but I got them right into threapy and stopped that they have gols oldest is joing service and middle boy is taking advanced classes to be a pharmacist..

My husband always sees the glass 1/2 empty not 1/2 full and I think hes bipolar cause he goes from manic dancing singing silly, to enraged in seconds its unreall and we never know what the trigger may be, I feel bad for hima dn firmly believe some psycholggial help would benifit him along with some meds and theres no shame in that he thinks Im nuts the kids are nuts and hes fine...alos everthing wron is 100% my fault always,,,,its a mess but Im sorting through it hes been saying he wants out and wants his freedom for years well hes gonna get it...also he keeps geting thses goals like wanting his own business works hard achieves them then is miserable I dont get it.
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599170 tn?1300973893
thanks for the support enpowerment feels like a high I havent felt in years it feels great Im actually happy..I got plans i will travel adn do some really cool stuff before my days are up...thanks for all your support and Yes as soon as I get back from Fla Im finding a support group i only have time for one and am not certain if divorce or spous of mental challenged (biopolar howver ya correctly word it would be best) I think divorce cause that is what s gonna happen thanks so much for all you encouragment You Rock !!!!
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574118 tn?1305135284
this man i am afraid knows what he is doing. he doesn't seem to me mad or the sort, yes he is violent and yes he can be psychotic. Had he been out of his mind he would have used the guns. He knows well that the guns exist in the house pretty much before you recognised the insecurity of being there; especially that he must be the person to buy the guns. He wouldn't dare to use them, trust me, except that you may feel better secured by hiding them of course. But if you hide them he will notice this too and he will try to make it an issue to intimidate you more.

But i wouldn't tolerate what he is doing. Simply he is teasing and bothering and be mean to you all. If i am a psychologist i would try to dig for the reasons why he turned out to behave this way. he thought he is a loser in the family somehow for some reasons. But in either situations he is ill-behaved. There are no excuses for him here, why, because there are children in the house and this house belong to them mainly to protect them as their shelter. Since you are the protector to them right now so you own a part in this house. People buy houses for their families and this man is ruining his family. I think the best advice now is to get rid of him as soon as possible and as simple as that.

Mind you , not every ill- behavior that a person exhibits is due to a mental illness, on the contrary people are sometimes happier with their illness to find excuses of their bad behavior.

get rid of him via police, lawyer,... but they will ask you for documents so be prepared. I have participated in many forums of very sick people but not like that
good luck
ezz
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Avatar universal
Cherie, it's great you have an action plan in place, learning how to empower yourself is key. Making sure that you aren't "helpless". If it got worse, could you go with your mum's with the kids? It fantastic you've also sought out legal counsel, doing so puts you in a better position if he abusive again. There is also the option of going to a shelter in the mean time if he gets violent, your kids can go too. So it isn't a dead end for you right? I know you are doing all that you can right now, keep strong, and keep writing. Is there are support group in your area of any kind you could go to? It might help.
You've got my support anytime,
LCC
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599170 tn?1300973893
its not that simple I have no job and no money my kids need food a roof over their head and medical care,,,,Im seeing a lawyer very soon to see my legal rights if I can stay in this house until youngest child graduates school and recieve child support I will be ok,,,I have to be smart about this as its not just myself to think about I dont want to live in a shelter and feel that would harm my kids more than help them abuse is abuse its always bad most of it here is emotional and verbal,,,,hes been physical only once and it was recently....Im tyring to gather myself together in a very short period of time Im already in an accelerated college program so I can support my kids as a patient tech and then an RN....if anyone leaves this house it will be him...he can go live in his car or his mommys basement I dont care my children will not suffer.I will see to that.They were not present when he pushed me and injured my sholder and spine I did go to doctors and get documentation....

My husband has suggested to me if I dont like things go stay with my mom Id never ever do that because thats deserting my kids...they stay with me..
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Avatar universal
Leave .  Asap.  Do not tolerate abuse. It may be hard at first but do it.  Also - set the example of "enough is enough" for your children. Don't model that it is okay for mom to take abuse.
Best of luck
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585414 tn?1288941302
Good. And one more piece of advice. Make sure you have other people to back you up. If he has family members who are not aware of what's going on they should be. What can be difficult is people who get destructive, this can apply to bipolar but more to personality disorders (but remember he doesn't have a diagnosis yet) as part of their untreated psychosis can be manipulative and try and sometimes succeed in passing for normal. The other people in not telling them they need help confirm their symptoms. If he knows anyone like that let them know what's going on. They can approach him one at a time about needing help. That worked for me with some people who had similar issues though not nearly as bad as what you are describing and in the end they sought psychiatric help on their own.
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599170 tn?1300973893
youngest will be in grad 9 next year typed that wrong..my first class in college in keyboarding,,,which I need LOL!!!!
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599170 tn?1300973893
the next time he so much as lays a finger on me he wil be arrested hes clear on that and he know I have documentation on prior event so I could still push charges on that if I choose ..The past fee days im handling him calmly but differently Im verbally letting him know ..like he got right in my face and started screaming at me yesterday i took a stp back looked him right in the eyes and said I am a human being and expect to be treated with respect watch your tone of vpice when you talk to me....and he backed down I couldnt believe it....I think he knows Im getting a bit a independance by going to colllege and is perhaps gonna be thinking....

I would most likely get a legal trial seperation It would be done through lawyers Im covering my butt cause I cant trust what he may try to pull Id stay in this city so my children can graduate from school district they are currently in...youngest will be in grade 8 next year,,,I dont really want this house but it would be best for my children to stay here till graduate then perhaps the economy will be better and we can sell it split the profit and get a divorce or perhaps by some miricle he will get help and become the man I married.....if he dont I am done thought Im approaching 47 years old will be 50 when youngest graduates..I will live the rest of my life happy,,,,and Im never ever gone be hit and let him get away with it ,,,never again.....thanks all of you for your advice...Its gonna be a long year and I will be needing more I certain...thanks again...Cherie
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607502 tn?1288247540
Vilolence is beyond sickness and in health.

The minute violence enters the room thats the end of those particular vows - no man has a right to hit a woman and no marriage vow compells that woman to stand around and be hit.  Im not sure what you think this poor person should be doing to save her marriage to be honest - her husband is violent and increasingly irrational and weapons are involved.

Im pretty sure that Cherie762 has suggested her husband get help many times, im certain she has tried to help him many times - I dont really think that saving her marriage right now is her job - at some point her husband has to man up and make a decision to get help.

Basically you are in a volatile and dangerous situation and you need help.  First step should be your community support resources and then I would be proceeding to do whatever you need to be safe - certainly the weapons need to be removed as he is clearly dangerous.

Next time he touches you file a police report.  Im sorry but if he wont get help then you need to - this is a situation where you may end up seriously hurt or worse.  You can likely get a committment order if you can prove he is dangerous or violent and you can likely get a court order removing the weapons and his license but of course this will escalate the situation.

Protect yourself and your family first.  Its that simple
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Avatar universal
The sanctity of marriage does not include abuse. I would hope that he gets the help he needs so they can fix their marriage. Cherie is obviously crying out for support and that is what we can do here, and hopefully give her information for her own safety.  I would suggest to anyone in an unsafe environment to get out of the situation.
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Avatar universal
i agree with jamie 100% you should try to get him help!! or do leave but dont get divorced right away..these mood swings are bad i know ive got them im uncontrolled no meds..if you realy love him then help him..if he continues to hurt you then go someweres else to stay ..but keep in touch with him..i know at this time this is not what you want to hear..only a shrink can propper diagnose him..if hes bipolar then he wil be treated..if hes invoved in any subtances at this present time they can be serve!!  that is if hes bipolar...most people that are bipolar are very manic at times and others at down times..theres alot of people that are rapid as ur describing to us..i dont liuke to hear of abuse,and you should get ur loved ones away from him..but dont divore him till the end of his problems..now if he doesent want you thee thats all totaly difft..ive been on a few meds that didnt agree with my systym..if you cant find a shrink then ask the family docky to put him on lithiem at 300 mgs twice aday..he would do this..just tell ur docky whats going on..i been looking for a shrink for 3 yrs..im on nothing except xanax..and its not a fix for bipolar..everyone is difft when it comes to bipolar,most people get manic witch is a hyper kida state and if there rapid as ur descibing to us,,then by all means he might want to go to ur local communty rehab place..they will talk with him to see if hes protocal..they will know within a period of talking  with him..and almost diagnose him within that time frame..if you love ur man then see him threw.so dont be upset with me..i have some friends that are manic  this behaveur that hes doing just doent sound like bipolar to me..but like i said theres over 200 difft bipolar acts.........belive this there are people out there that are bipolar and go to work eveyday and dont even know that they are..FEEL FREE TO POST AGAIN..IM SURE YOU WILL GET THE ANSWERS THAT UR LOOKING FOR...SO IM NOT SAYING THAT UR WRONG FOR WANTING TO LEAVE HIM CUZ OF THE ABUSE AND UR SONS ABUSE...JUST REMBER WERE ALL   HERE  TO HELP YOU.. GOD BLESS........JAMES
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Avatar universal
First I would like to say that you said you have invested so many years into this marriage. Sickness and health is a commitment you agreed to. I am not saying that the 'abuse' is right. He is ill and needs to get help medically. I would suggest to him that he needed to receive help or our marriage is not going to succeed. I do not suggest leaving him at this point. I think you have not tried every thing to save this man or your marriage. I believe you need to weigh all options first and try to get help for him and yourself and family. I pray that you and your family find peace and healing. I will say a prayer for you to find the strength to do all you can to help a man you love. God bless.
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Avatar universal
Regardless of what his mental state is, abuse on any level is unacceptable.  He's had obvious paranoid events. Get the guns out of the house, if not for your sake, but your kids. I would suggest going to a safe house as well. It would be awful if you became a statistic, abusers don't abuse just once and you know that. I put up with verbal abuse from someone for a year, not knowing any better, I thought I deserved it, but when I was hit, that was it, on Xmas night no less. I had to leave, and only came back to gather my things up with my brother (who's a really big guy). My ex even threatened me then, but thankfully my brother was there!  I should have gone to a safe house, as I was stalked for 6 months, and terrified I would get attacked. Call the abuse hotline, get a plan of action in order. You have already started in the right step talking about this. It sounds like you are a strong woman, keep on going!
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585414 tn?1288941302
  I think at this point in time he is emotional abusive and for the kid's sake I would divorce him. Be careful and if things start to get out of hand seek resources for someone who is going through a domestic violence crisis. If you get to that point pm me and I'll send you some links. As I said emotional abuse counts with this as well and with the state he is in it could spiral into something worse. If you have guns in the house perhaps remove them or at the least have locks put on the triggers that only you have keys to.
   From what you further describe some aspects of what he is going through are potentially psychotic and one thing that's important is not in any way to accept it, but to realize a lot of what you are seeing is symptomatic such as "blaming everyone else". Projecting blame on other people is often part of untreated bipolar and other psychiatric disabilities as well. I don't want to give people here a bad rep. As you've read through my posts I've recovered from schizoaffective disorder but I sought help right away without people even asking me as have many people. But "lack of self awareness" is common too. But this destructive behavior is nothing you and especially the kids should have to witness or put up with.
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599170 tn?1300973893
The day he pushed me I flew 8 feet across the room hit shoulder on dresser and back on bed post both where xrayed( not broken0 and documented as abuse and bruised,,,,,

I think the idea of talking to him on phone is a good one..we have 3 sons and hes teaching them how to be men I dont want them to be disrespectful to their wifes..or name calling..its been done so much it doesnt even hurt,,Infavt Im past hurt and into mad...but I have 20 years invested with him and Ive seen him decline over past 10 years...he keeps getting these goals and when he reaches them he is miserable,,hes never happy except for the manic moments..he will grab a child and start tickling or dancing with them,,,they are getting older and they think its weird for him to be screaming thowing stuff one minute and singing and dancing the next.


I really dont thing he would qualify for forced help...We do have guns in our house and that reallly scares me....our third child was unplanned he wanted me to abort hima and i refused he has never forgiven me...its his baby i never cheated on him it just wasnt in the plan ,,the plan was 2 kids.....
Im preparing ,myself for divorce because deep down i think its gonna happen and he will still be unhappy..I feel bad for him as a human being because I know this can be treated.
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585414 tn?1288941302
  What he is doing is emotional abuse. I would say its from bipolar though. My stepfather was the same way (he pased on in 1990) and when my mother and I look back we believe he had bipolar with psychotic features (he often talked to himself under his breath as if he were psychotic). One aspect of bipolar that's important to understand is an "agitated mixed state". The person has the down aspect of depression but the speeded up quality of mania. That's very common. I've experienced it in the past. And I've been the brunt of it from people who were untreated or improperly treated.
  But he sounds like he has some form of self awareness (not psychotic) so perhaps apart from him (such as on the phone) so he doesn't become confrontational you should tell him that you and the family can't stay with him unless he seeks help. I don't know whether he meets the grounds for having to recieve psychiatric care involuntarily but you don't want to let him get to that point. He should see treatment as something that will be helpful to him but all the same what he is doing must stop but only medication (with talk therapy) can completely control it.
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Avatar universal
Is your husband approachable at any time?  If he is then I strongly advise that you tell him how his behaviour is effecting the whole family and ask him to seek help.  

I don't know whether or not you or his parents can force him into treatment, this would depend on whether or not he has psychotic episodes that would be considered dangerous to himself or others.  Him pushing you is unacceptable and I'm glad you have had this documented.

Speak to your own Dr and see if he can give you any guidance about this.  

He does sound unwell but then again you shouldn't have to put up with abusive behaviour.  If it is BP or another type of mental illness then it is treatable but you should not be expected to be his punching bag in the meantime.

Good luck.
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