Is there ever a time when you can say ' Bi polar just take me, I give in '
I have had severe rapid cycling bipolar disorder since I was 13 yrs old only treated with medication for the last 12yrs though and today another medication added and another increased to try to even out this episode (a little)
My eldest son has just been diagnosed with bi polar disorder and I guess I'm trying to look for some hope for his benefit really, surely fate couldn't be so cruel to make my fate his aswell! Is there a point where you say "this is a waste of time fighting, it's inevitable just give up already" At least when they finally gave me my diagnosis and prognosis they didn't pulp any punches. Severe rapid cycling bi polar, I will always take medication and I will never stabilize for long (If at all) but hey, those are the breaks. I am finding accepting my fate hard at the moment, probably because of my son's diagnosis too.
Maybe don't accept fate. I had a pdoc literally tell me "There is nothing more we can do" Talk about making a person suicidal. I moved and got a new pdoc who took me off the antidepressant (which can cause or make rapid cycling worse), and tried some new meds (Trazodone, Zeldox (Geodone), and lamotrigine). That took me part of the way there. Then we tried a different med instead of the Zeldox because I was having big time fatigue issues and switched to Abilify.
For me its been a godsend. I have to figure out what it is like to be stable again. Its put me into a bit of a personality crisis. Bipolar used to take all my energy, but now I have dreams again, I am taking on more responsibilities. I started volunteering a bit. I work three hours a day. Doesn't seem like much but I wasn't sure I would ever work again. I have some other health conditions so I can't work full time, but I think I could mentally handle it if my body would let me.
Each body is different, and each med is different. I have one friend for whom Abilify was a nightmare, and another it worked like a charmer. It seems to be a love/hate drug.
What I am saying is don't give up. Keep doing what you are doing - trying different meds. Do the relaxation, exercise, eating right thing too if you can. And there are new medications in research phases.
They are learning so much about the brain right now through functional MRI's. They are learning that the brain continues to grow braincells. That is amazing. 10 years ago they didn't think adults did that. If we grow braincells they may be able to figure out a way to help us bipolar people grow the right kind of brain cells to prevent the damage bipolar does.
Severe cycling is really hard to treat. The odds aren't good. I don't want to give false hope, but there is still hope.
One really good reason not to give up "Your kid is watching you and will believe what you believe"
I've been to the point of saying "This isn't a life worth living" I said goodbye to my husband for the final time. Thankfully he caught on and took all the meds with him to work that day, made me promise to stay alive, convinced me that he would suffer more with me dead than alive. It seems so hopeless when you are caught in the middle of it. I hope for your sake the meds at least slow things down so you can catch your breath.
I really truly believe there is reason to hope. Perhaps they won't find many answers for us, but I do believe they will know so much more by the time your son is our age.
Thanks for the reply and the pep talk :-)
I guess you could say " I'm used to fighting the battles" Me? I can live with me, a bit hard not to really . I have lived with bi-polar since I was young .so I don't know any different.
I feel guilt because he has Had to watch me try to deal with this illness and maybe I could have done a better job of saving him from that. He has been there at the worst times possible, the dozen times I've had to go into hospital to try to stabilize. The last time was for 9 months and not that long ago really I think the poor kids more terrified than anything now and perhaps this is where. You pointed out that no 2 minds are the same, well hopefully his will be more manageable than mine and that he will gain from my knowledge can only be a bonus, I guess :-o
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