Aa
"It's Your Illness...Isn't It"
I went through three types of medications to stablize my last year episode. It was a really rought year but I made it. I feel fine now thanks to Saphris but I noticed that I'm not as talkative as I use to be. My manic highs are gone and depressive psychosis went away. I'm not drug out or anything. I just feel even keel. I'm also getting a good night sleep every night. Because I'm not yapping away like I use to a friend said "It's your illness isn't it." I didn't answer back because I was dumbfounded that a person could come up with a stupid comment.
when i put him in rehap 2 yrs. ago, i attended a week long course for loved ones of addicts. it was wonderful yet very painful at the same time! i'm having some health issues right now that i didn't want him to know about because he is in such a fragile state....but my folks decided to tell him anyway thurs. morning. he actually called me! he told me about the dr he was seeing and how scared he was. he's so afraid they are going to lock him up in a mental institution. he goes on the 20th to see another dr. for med changes....we hope that will work. the dr doesn't feel it's a good idea for us to be together at this time according to my son...but that's ok. at least i got to tell him how much i love him and how proud of him i am for seeking help. thank you all so very much! have a happy 4th!
Just has one more thought that may help you find some peace in your life. There is a book, titled "Codependent No More". This book may help you have better understanding and new skills...worth a trip to the bookstore! Take care, Jude
I think if it were me, I would send him a card and simply say I love you and if you need me I am here, and let it go for awhile. Once he gets his meds adjusted and hopefully he will get help for his addiction. Bluetwo is correct, don't be an enabler. I know this is tough because I have a family member that has been a herion addict for over 20yrs. It is hard, very, very hard. Perhaps you should attend an Alnon meeting. You can call your local AA location, (in yellow pages) and ask for times and days of Alnon meetings. You will meet others that are going thru the very same issues.
Hummm, I just realized in each of my post to you, I suggest you get help for yourself...have you considered it? I hope you will look out for yourself first. God bless you and feel free to send me a message if you ever need to talk. Jude.
Hummm, I just realized in each of my post to you, I suggest you get help for yourself...have you considered it? I hope you will look out for yourself first. God bless you and feel free to send me a message if you ever need to talk. Jude.
Take some tips from AA. Don't be a enabler. Let go of him and let someone deal with him. If he stole from you he will steal again except it won't be you. If it means not talking for a couple of years...so be it.
Yeah true, they two are actually clinically related somehow but I think it might could be it's just all just the same disorder presenting itself in different ways.
thank you so much for giving me input. he says that even my voice sets him off...or just the sight of me. in my mind, i figured it was the drugs. he can fool my parents and sweet talk his gf into believing he's clean when he's not. but he has never been able to fool me. i always felt this was the reason. but i just don't know anymore. i know he has never shut me out when he was clean and on his meds. he is on his meds now, but i know he's using. he is staying at my parents house currently and his gf lives with him too.(at my folks) they all say he is clean but 2 fridays ago he stole 8 of my pain meds...and when i confronted him, admitted it. i have not seen him since 2 wks ago this past sunday. i'm giving him space. i stay away completely and he has me locked out on his phone so that i can not call or text him. (wish i had never given him that blackberry!! lol) but ready all the posts here makes me afraid to just stay away. it seems that so many push loved ones away, then just never go back! that would destroy me!!! he is my only child and is the greatest joy and love in my life!!! but i do not have what he is and reading him has become so very hard. his dr. has refered him to another one for med change, so maybe that will help. would it hurt to send him a card to let him know that all is forgiven and that i don't hold blame for the things he has said and done? (stolen money, video cameras and all my jewelry minus a few pcs., and sold over 80,000. worth of music equipment in the past 3 years) i can forgive any and everything as long as he is getting help for both his addiction as well as his mental illness. or should i just leave him be and hope that once they change his meds he will come around and come back into my life? i'm his mother. i just want to fix him and make his life happy for him....i know i can't, but a mother is supposed to do that for their child. everything within me aches with the pain of his misery. there MUST be something i can do to help him!!
You know we all suffer similar illness, there is very little difference in the symptoms if you really look at it. I learned a long time ago that dx is pretty much just a label. You have plenty to share and I'm glad you are here. God bless, Jude.
In the two states I've lived in (and I just realized that could be taken as mental states lol), Illinois and Montana, there's like a 90 day probationary period where an employer can fire you for no reason if they just think you aren't going to work out and you need no write ups or anything. After that however you're supposed to be fired after three write ups... which I have like five so I don't know why I still have a job. Close but no cigar to the concept of your post. I couldn't imagine the stress I'd have to live with knowing my job is in danger all the time. I've disclosed my mental illness to my employer, as well as friends and family, and I have schizophrenia and they still treat me the same as before aside from trying to help me work so it's not so bad disclosing it. My first diagnosis was bipolar disorder but then I found out a general practitioner isn't qualified to make this kind of diagnosis (she even told me I "need a real diagnosis") and was referred to a psychiatrist who gave me the schizo diagnosis which is how I ended up here at first and then I just stayed because I like helping people and bipolar disorder runs really bad in my family anyway but somehow I ended up with this instead.
Thought I would explain the last bit anyway in case you were wondering what I'm doing here.
Thought I would explain the last bit anyway in case you were wondering what I'm doing here.
I can see the pain in your post and I am sorry. Sometimes we don't realize how our illness affects others
As you know, anger and rage is not a stranger to Bipolar. My anger comes on quickly with no warning and can be very intense. With proper medication the rages are kept at bay.
Do you know what you may say or do that triggers your son's anger? If he can tell you what you are doing or saying that triggers him, it can be avoided. No, it's not good that you must walk on eggshells around your son but until he gets on the proper medication, I would back off and give him some space, make your conversations with him light and casual and short. Stress is always a big trigger for us and possibly he is going thru a stressful time.
With that being said, you need to take care of yourself. I know AA has Alnon for family members, there has to be a support group for loved ones of mentally ill or suffering from disorders. It has to be hard for family members but you can't be treated like a door mat either. I will search the web and if I find something, I will let you know via friend invitation. Perhaps some of the other members are familar with a support group.
Take care of yourself, give him some space and remember it is not him, it's his illness. Jude
As you know, anger and rage is not a stranger to Bipolar. My anger comes on quickly with no warning and can be very intense. With proper medication the rages are kept at bay.
Do you know what you may say or do that triggers your son's anger? If he can tell you what you are doing or saying that triggers him, it can be avoided. No, it's not good that you must walk on eggshells around your son but until he gets on the proper medication, I would back off and give him some space, make your conversations with him light and casual and short. Stress is always a big trigger for us and possibly he is going thru a stressful time.
With that being said, you need to take care of yourself. I know AA has Alnon for family members, there has to be a support group for loved ones of mentally ill or suffering from disorders. It has to be hard for family members but you can't be treated like a door mat either. I will search the web and if I find something, I will let you know via friend invitation. Perhaps some of the other members are familar with a support group.
Take care of yourself, give him some space and remember it is not him, it's his illness. Jude
In regards to being fired and not revealing your mental illness...in Texas an employer can fire someone for no reason...it's called 'right to work'. I never disclose my Bipolar. People think you are a freak.
my son refers to me as his main "trigger". does this mean i have lost him forever? if that's what it takes for him to find peace and happiness, then so be it. but people, my heart is breaking and i'm dying inside a little more each day! does anyone have any advice? when he looks at me, (last time 2 wks ago) he was totally out of it and his eyes held nothing but anger and hatred. for those of you that have been there with your own loved ones, is there nothing i can do to help him but stay away???
If you are requesting reasonable accommodations under the ADA you have to disclose your disability at that time directly to the supervisor you are requesting them for. You don't have to disclose your disability to anyone else and that information must be kept confidential. A person has to be able to do the "essential function" (basic aspects of) of the specific job but they can request a reasonable accommodation ( as long as it would not create an "undue burden" (that is create needless difficulties or costs for the workplace). If you want more information on this or the ADA in general go to ADA.gov.
I went to my pdoc and social worker to get reasonable accommodation.for my bp. I was worried about losing my job with my erratic behavior at that time. If I didn't disclose my illness then the school could of fire me according to Americans with Disabilities Act. I asked for light duty sub jobs until my med's start to kick in.
On the most part the school has been very helpful accommodating during my last episode. The other teachers were very supportive and helpful. I give them a A+ for what they did for me. I'm very grateful for that but unfortunately we live in a world where confidentality does not exist. People can talk all they want but at least I'm holding down a job. I did not quit during my episode which I did many times when I was younger. When things got tough...I would walk out blaming the world. The substitute teaching job is the longest job I ever held in my adult life. So I feel grateful.
On the most part the school has been very helpful accommodating during my last episode. The other teachers were very supportive and helpful. I give them a A+ for what they did for me. I'm very grateful for that but unfortunately we live in a world where confidentality does not exist. People can talk all they want but at least I'm holding down a job. I did not quit during my episode which I did many times when I was younger. When things got tough...I would walk out blaming the world. The substitute teaching job is the longest job I ever held in my adult life. So I feel grateful.
Well, you're right to drop that woman as a friend.
I hope the HR department isn't who told her about you being bipolar. That is a serious problem if they are sharing personal information. But, maybe she just thought maybe you were bipolar and then you confirmed it? Maybe, but from what you say doubtful. Like you say there is a lot of gossip in the work place, so someone must have let it slip.
I hope the HR department isn't who told her about you being bipolar. That is a serious problem if they are sharing personal information. But, maybe she just thought maybe you were bipolar and then you confirmed it? Maybe, but from what you say doubtful. Like you say there is a lot of gossip in the work place, so someone must have let it slip.
The person should of said...."It's my recovery...isn't it?" That would make me feel real good about myself but I guess she is too ignorant to know any better.
Before the "It's your Illness...Isn't It" incident she was distressed over her brother in law. They live in the same town. The family found out he was an alcoholic after he accidently push his accelerator of his car and backed out of his garage. He sped down the driveway and smashed into the neighbors garage door across the street. He was hospitalized to start recovery and they put him on anti-depressants. We live in a society where substance abuse and recovery is quite common but she was totally shocked and denial that her brother in law was in the hospital.. I told her not to worry about the recovery & the anti-depressants because I told her I was bipolar....I understand. He will get better. She told me in a aggitated voice she already knew I was bipolar but the problem is I never told her I was that way. I have told only people who had a need to know three years ago like my HR department and my boss but I never told her about my condition. When I was going through all my problems last year adjusting to new med's she thought all my difficulities was due to family problems. She even told my co-workers I was distress over my mother. I was dumbfounded my co-workers were hovering over me and mentioned my mother all the time. I said my mother is doing fine...thanks but my mother wasn't going through anything serious except age related illnesses.
I dropped the relationship with this woman because we don't have anything in common except talk around the water cooler. She was the one trying to impose the friendship but inviting me to women groups. She is retired and a substitute teacher. I think she took on substitute teaching to keep her occupied three times a week and be in the know in the gossip. I wonder how she got the information I was bipolar? I guess nothing is secret is a workplace. I thought she would be more open minded being a educated teacher but I guess not.
I have since then hooked up with another older woman to hang around with who is outside the school. She likes sewing and gardening which I also like to do. She has no problems with my bipolar because her grandchilden suffer from epilepsy. I understand that it's a brain disorder which has nothing to do with family upbringing but genetics.
Before the "It's your Illness...Isn't It" incident she was distressed over her brother in law. They live in the same town. The family found out he was an alcoholic after he accidently push his accelerator of his car and backed out of his garage. He sped down the driveway and smashed into the neighbors garage door across the street. He was hospitalized to start recovery and they put him on anti-depressants. We live in a society where substance abuse and recovery is quite common but she was totally shocked and denial that her brother in law was in the hospital.. I told her not to worry about the recovery & the anti-depressants because I told her I was bipolar....I understand. He will get better. She told me in a aggitated voice she already knew I was bipolar but the problem is I never told her I was that way. I have told only people who had a need to know three years ago like my HR department and my boss but I never told her about my condition. When I was going through all my problems last year adjusting to new med's she thought all my difficulities was due to family problems. She even told my co-workers I was distress over my mother. I was dumbfounded my co-workers were hovering over me and mentioned my mother all the time. I said my mother is doing fine...thanks but my mother wasn't going through anything serious except age related illnesses.
I dropped the relationship with this woman because we don't have anything in common except talk around the water cooler. She was the one trying to impose the friendship but inviting me to women groups. She is retired and a substitute teacher. I think she took on substitute teaching to keep her occupied three times a week and be in the know in the gossip. I wonder how she got the information I was bipolar? I guess nothing is secret is a workplace. I thought she would be more open minded being a educated teacher but I guess not.
I have since then hooked up with another older woman to hang around with who is outside the school. She likes sewing and gardening which I also like to do. She has no problems with my bipolar because her grandchilden suffer from epilepsy. I understand that it's a brain disorder which has nothing to do with family upbringing but genetics.
I also think that people don't realize exactly what happens to us and how we're not the person we appear to be. For example, I think that if I was in recovery I would talk a lot less, laugh a lot less, and just be more of an observer than I am. So, it isn't your illness, it's your recovery.
I think people expect us to be things and then when we're no longer those things they just drop us. That's what happened to me with all the people I thought were friends. They didn't care about me, they just cared about what entertainment I could give them. Then when I needed them they abandoned me, but at least I learned the truth.
I think people expect us to be things and then when we're no longer those things they just drop us. That's what happened to me with all the people I thought were friends. They didn't care about me, they just cared about what entertainment I could give them. Then when I needed them they abandoned me, but at least I learned the truth.
Yeah...they will help you to put things into your head. They are insecure people who need insecure people around them....that makes them feel good.. But for us sensitive people it can be detrimental to our mental health.
I bet that the same people who say that are the ones who say it's all in your head and stuff like that.
I'm with you on that one, I'm trying to stay away from "people triggers" myself.
The med's have flatten out my moods and that's a good thing. The highs are fun to have but I don't want to be followed by the terrible depression either. I had some people say I'm looking better which is nice to hear and treat my illness like any other illness. But this "It's your illness...isn't it" person really p@ssed me off. I guess she wanted the old Bluetwo back with the wicked sense of humor and talking a mile a minute for her entertainment. I guess she didn't understand recovery is all about. I noticed I do get irritated when I'm around her because she constantly talks about our rotten economy and annouces who lost their job lately. I don't need that negativity which WILL effect my moods. I need calm, cool and collective people around me. In AA they warn people who are trying to recover to stay away from enablers and toxic people. I guess I will do the same thing.
I wanted to address the stigma associated with mental illness. I absolutely hate it. If someone knows you have Bipolar they "look" for signs of you are crazy. Sometimes I feel we are denied normal emotions "because of your mental illness" or "have you taken your medicine today".
I really wish the general public would take the time and effort to understand mental illness and see that we are not raving maniacs and can live productive lives. Thanks for letting me vent.
I really wish the general public would take the time and effort to understand mental illness and see that we are not raving maniacs and can live productive lives. Thanks for letting me vent.
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