Just diagnosed, trouble understanding mixed episode

[Nikki2226]

I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorser.  The doc said I am experiencing a mixed episode but I am having trouble understanding exactly what that means.  There doesn't seem to be much info on the subject.  I am scared and confused about all this.  The medicine he gave me has super scary side effects.  And the term lifelong illness is freaking me out.  Please help me.  Does anyone have good advice on where to get more information so I can explain this better to myself and my husband?

[Venora Moonwind]

Hi and welcome to the forum  Yes bi polar is a lifelong disease but it is soooo controlable with meds and therapy. what meds did your doc put you on? Is he a psychiatrist or reg md? It is best to dx by a psychiatrist as mds arent trained well in bi polar and dont follow up wioth the therapy that is needed.
Mixed episodes are where you experience the mania and depression at the same time or in quick succession.
try to exercise and eat healthy like 6 small meals a day no sugar and caffiene this will help your episodes untill the med can kick in. Give the med 4-6 weeks to get the full effect.
being bi polar is ok. the meds just do for you what your bady cant and that is control the amout of seritonin and dopamine. sometimes we get too much and sometimes we dont get enough. the meds will balance it out
Now the hardest part for bi polars is to stay on their meds.  we start to feeling better then we think we dont need the meds but it is the meds that is making us feel better.
therapy will give you the tools for understanding bi polar and how to deal with it and to recognize when you are manic or depressed
google bi polar and do some reading up on it. there are several good websites that comeup. I do try to avoid the ones that are spon sered my the med companies. they are biased to their med so that doesnt help much. Julie Fast website is particularily good I think. becasue she gives you info on how to deal with bi polar nad info for your family.
Keep posting and we will help you through this. I have been stable for 7 years on my meds and with therapy so I know this works.
Love Venora

[xanweaner]

Were you taking any antidepressants prior to this diagnosis? Did a psychiatrist diagnose you or another specialty?

I hope that Venora's post has calmed you a bit, too.

[Nikki2226]

Thanks for the advice.  I do feel better knowing others are doing well with their bi-polar.  I keep seeing all these horror stories.  I was diagnosed with depression last December, and I tried a couple of different antidepressants, lexapro and celexa.  A PA told me to stop taking them because I was trying to get pregnant, but I had horrible withdrawel symptoms, even though I tapered off slowly.  I was really dizzy and kept having "head shocks."   I was worried because after a few weeks I still felt awful so I went to see a psychiatrist.  He said he thought I was bi-polar and started me on lamictal.  I was shocked because I never would have guessed that was the problem.  I guess since I have mixed symptoms,  I didn't recognize what was going on.  I told my husband yesterday and he doesn't want me to take medicine because he thinks it will make me feel worse.  He pressured me to get off the antidepressants the whole time I was taking them.  I was having a really good day today, the best day I have had in months, but at lunch today he got furious and told me he didn't want to be with me anymore.  I locked myself in the bathroom at work for an hour and a half and cried and scratched myself.  I pulled myself together and started working and then he called and appologized.  Now what do I do?  I don't know if I love him or hate him right now.  I hope my marriage survives this illness.

[xanweaner]

There are many reports that usage of SSRI's can provoke many untoward side effects, like increasing agitation, irritability, mania, etc. If you read anything that Dr. Peter Breggin has written about (a highly reputable psychiatrist with excellent academic background and credentials), he warns about some of these dangers. You might want to google him to do some reading.

Somehow when you wrote about your diagnosis, the first thing that came to my mind was that you had been on AD's before this diagnosis. That's why I asked. The "brain zaps" that you wrote about are commonly reported in the withdrawal process that many patients suffer from.

I'm sorry to read about your husband's reaction...I'm sure that he saw the difficulty you had during your withdrawal process and didn't want to relive any of this.

I just wanted to add that before you take on this diagnosis, please read everything you can - not just BP sites, but read about what some noted psychiatrists are writing and discussing about this increase in BP diagnosis. Many of these are a result AD's, and
the cause-and-effect are currently a topic of controversy in the field of mental health.

I hope that you feel better soon. And, yes, your marriage can survive this current setback.

[FreeSpirit4Life]

My very favorite book is New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder it has helped me sooo much

*Rapid Cycling-Four or more episodes(mania, hypomania, depression, mixed state) in a one year period.

I have Bipolar 2 with rapid cycling it can be very hard at times they had me on8 different meds in 1 year so I got off meds for a year and a half because I felt like I was comatose and completely lost from all the meds it was very hard I went to a doc and they also put me on Lamictal I was on if for a few months and feeling great then I found out I was preggers I decided 2 stay on my meds but then I had a MC sooo since we plan on trying to get Prego in a few months I decided to get off and have a healthy pregnancy so life is a little more difficult at times it can be a hard disorder but I am glad I have it b/c it makes me the woman I am just a little too intense at times LOL good luck if u have any other questions I can look it up for u

[Nikki2226]

My husband and I had a good talk last night (and cry and rage and kiss and hug) and he is going to go with me to the doc and try to understand all this.  Maybe there is some hope.  It looks like I have a lot of questions to ask the doc when I go back for a follow up.  I need to try and remember if I had bi polar symptoms before I started taking the antidepressants.  I think I did, but not as bad as I did afterward. In the last couple of months I keep changing mind about who I want to be.  One week I wanted to start a charity and go on a mission trip,  the next week I can't stand to be near my husband and start staying out with my friends so I don't have to go home, and the next week I was obsessed with this person and started driving by their house constanly and and thought about them all the time.   Then I got over that and couldn't stand to be apart from my husband at all.  I keep designing lines of jewelry and thinking up grand ideas about what I will make next but I never have enough energy to get off the couch,  or go to work much less make my ideas happen.   Now I feel like I have nothing to think about constantly and distract myself with and I have to live in the real world and it sucks.  I feel kinda lost.  I feel sad, but not really depressed anymore.  Just num.  Am I coming off of an "episode?"   Or is there even really anything wrong with me at all?  Did that medicine really screw me up as bad as my husband says it did?  Before I started taking the antdepressants I quit a realy good job suddenly because I started getting really irritated and could not handle myself if I made a mistake and got stotally stressed about every little thing.  I stayed at home for two weeks and was really happy.  Then my husband decided he wanted to move. We moved and I got my old job back and became really depressed and obsessed about finding a place to live (we were staying with my parents).  I spent a couple thousand on jewelry supplies that I didn't really have and went on a jewelry making spree. I started imagining myself bleeding or burning to calm myself down so I could sleep.  I never actually wanted to die, but I liked imagining it.  Thats when I decided to tell a doc and they put me on the antidepressants.  Am I just depressed or bi-polar?  I just don't get it.

[xanweaner]

Wow - it sounds like you have been through quite a bit. It sounds like things were in a turmoil prior to taking any antidepressants??
I'm not the person to confirm or negate your diagnosis...only a qualified psychiatrist or psychologist can help you with that.

I just wish you the very best, and hope that you can get this all sorted out. A good therapist will be quite beneficial in this process.

Wishing you the very best,
-xan-

[FreeSpirit4Life]

I’m not going to say this is normal but 4 people with our disorder I have found this to be quite common I did a lot of these same things I left my hubby after graduating from school thankfully by the grace of god he took me back and now were doing fabulous at least compared at where we were  I am a runner it is easier 4 me to run then admit im wrong and deal with a problem and I spent sooo much money in the first year of finding out I am still trying to pay it off  but I am working on these things and that is all I can do in order to get better ur not ok u should really see a good therapist and a qualified psychiatrist to help u cope knowing about ur disorder and ACCEPTING IT 4 WHAT IT IS will be ur first and hardest step be glad u have someone who supports u try not to push him away but yes I know this is very difficult when u start to feel ur head taking over ask him if u can take a time out and just write all of ur feelings this has really helped me a lot and don’t be ashamed of who ur this is a great gift ounce u can learn how to cope with it in a positive manner good luck and if u ever need 2 talk or vent I’m here 4 u k and good luck with everything I'm glad to here he is going with u that is a very supportive and caring action 4 him 2 do

[Crystlas]

Hello!  I am a Bipolar I, mixed state, rapid cycler, one of the worst to treat, but that is ok, cause I found my med combo after a year of diagnosis, so I know this can be managed.  I use Lithium/Wellbutrin.  Anyhow, my mixed state consists of being really really depressed but having slight manic symptoms like lack of sleep, axiety and racing thoughts.  Then when I am super high manic, I still get depressive symptoms like feeling lathargic, tired and fatiqued, even sometimes have suicidal ideations.  All the while being super hyper, no sleep, and of course crazy racing thoughts.  It really is a pain in the rear, but luckly my meds are helping.  I also gave up alcohol and only drink on cup of coffee some mornings.  Hope this helps!

[Johnny262]

I don't have bi-polar myself but I do like with 2 people that do. It's very different for different people. I would take the advise of the other post these people REALLY no what they are talking about. From my experience you may have to try a lot of different meds to fine the ones that help you. My sister takes Elivil for the depression, Abilify for the bi-polar (this is a anti-psychotic) and Xanax for the anxiety. My dad however, is on lithum, Seroquel and Valium. I am just giving you an example. Don't mean to scare you. Just hang in there you will get the right treatment and have a good life. PS- have you tried a sun lamp

[Nikki2226]

Thanks so much to all of you for your advice and support.  It has helped me understand this so much better!  I am starting to realize how different everyone with bi-polar is.  My experiences are not going to be exactly like anyone else's, and that is normal.  I think I have been trying to compare myself with a lady I know who is severely bi polar and thinking " I am nothing like her.  How can they say we have the same illness?"  She is a very sweet person with an extraordinary memory, but unfortunately she is not able to take care of herself or drive or have a regular job, even with treatment.   But now I am realizing that there are plenty of people with bi-polar who lead normal lives.  I have had a roller coaster of a week and reading these comments has been a huge help.  I have been really depressed and self destructive, super happy and had racing thoughts, and relatively normal all in the last few days.  I hope this lamictal helps!  I have been keeping a little diary and writing down how I feel each day, and also if I ate enough frutes and veggies, drank enough water, excercised, and took my medicine and vitamins.  I think this will help when I go back to the doctor next week, because I will forget everything if not.  Also, having to write down what I ate and if I excercised is really helping me.  I don't like vegetables and I hate excercise, but if I feel accountable to my little diary, it is much easier.  Good luck and thanks again.

[FreeSpirit4Life]

I'm glad to here ur coping better and ur right we are all different and yet the same It's about looking at the similarities and not the diferences just don't split hair's this wont help k

[Crystlas]

Glad to hear that you are taking a smart approach in taking care of yourself.  That is my goal, since I am stuck with being BP I.  Anyhow, check out www.moodtracker.com  It is an online journal and also tracks your sleep patterns, medication being taken and your highs and lows.  I have an alert sent to my email every day to remind me to track my progress for the day.  I also put an icon on my desktop to click into the site.  Just another tip for ya!!