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3236191 tn?1451025079
Lack of Goals
How many of you have ever decided to not have any goals in life because you've been beaten down too much by life to have the energy to have any?  Is this a sign I'm getting depressed?  I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or depression or any mood disorder of the kind (except anxiety) but I thought it would be appropriate to ask people who experience depression regularly.  I'm going to be going through a divorce so... yeah... that's part of the reason I've decided this.
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3236191 tn?1451025079
My reasoning is I'm on disability, going to be divorced and I can't even handle the minor fame my fan game brought me so I don't see much of a future for myself, if any.
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1551327 tn?1414146344
Obviously depression and anxiety woulld kick in at a time like this with everything you have going on.  I have went throught a divorce before and it sent me into mania and then depression.  There aer many types of depression as well as many ways of treating it.  You likely already know that.  Unfortunately certain things in life are hard to deal with than others like divorce, loneliness, loss, and grief.  The good thing is that as long as you are still living you have the opportunity to rewrtie this chapter of your book and see that it was a positive thing.  This won't make sense for a while but time doesn't matter.  Everything is over or started in less than a second.  If you do suffer from bipolar or chronic depression or any of those wonderfully complicated illness, you may have to get professional help to pull you out of this dangerous time in your life.  If nothing else keep coming back here.  You will find support and likely someone to relate to you.  Good luck.  I am not a doctor but I have recovered from many things that should have killed me.  Never stop learning about yourself.
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3236191 tn?1451025079
Thanks.  Yeah I am looking at it as a chance to get a fresh start but I feel too beaten down to do much of anything at the moment.  I have been doing what I can to cope with the loss but I usually end up having to just sleep off when I feel down due to all this.  I actually have been diagnosed with schizophrenia which also involves a loss of the ability to manage emotions although I don't know how much compared to bipolar disorder.  Also I do experience anxiety but I'm on medication for that as well.  I have a psychiatrist and I got back into Assertive Community Treatment in the area I live in to get therapy and whatnot so I guess I'm on the right track.
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3136619 tn?1345390921
I can see how you would possibly head into a depression when faced with divorce.  Divorce made me feel like a failure, and I divorced an abusive husband.  
We just have a hard time with 'not winning', we humans.  When we entered marriage we thought it was forevererafter, not a contract entered by two fallible beings.
I hate to hear of anyone going through divorce.  It's like their dreams are shattered.
Do yourself a favor and get some counseling.  You can work your way through your sorrow and rebuild a life that welcomes a new healthy relationship.
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3236191 tn?1451025079
I don't necessarily feel like a failure because we both tried everything we could to make it work.  I see what you mean though with the forever after thing.  I am in the process of therapy and I'd rather just stay single.  My schizophrenia caused the relationship to fail and it's never going to go away.
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1551327 tn?1414146344
I can say that my illness has caused alot of relationships to fail and that is the truth.  I think the best thing to do is to wait before starting another relationship.  I would also advice not putting a time limit on it.  I found the love of my life when I wasn't looking for a relationship.  I had actually decided to stay single for a whle.  Above all you get one shot at this particular life so live it to the fullest.  Don't break laws but do break rules.  We were dealt this difficult hand and there isn't a doctor out there that can understand the complexity of our minds, but they do try, God bless them.  There is a time for fear and a time for love.....Just remember fear is love going in the wrong direction.
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3236191 tn?1451025079
I think I can live it to the fullest being single though.  It's not so much fear, it's just I don't have the energy to give to someone else.  Every year I lose more energy and willpower to do things.  It's like life is a vampire constantly sucking the will to live out of me.  I'm happy just self-isolating and doing whatever I want to do at the time of doing it and being particularly worthless and not contributing anything to the world.
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1551327 tn?1414146344
Screw the world that is not your job anymore than it is my job. Yeah this world will suck the soul out of you.  Sometimes it is hard to see your spirituality when you are depressed.  Depression is something we have to battle everyday and as I have said before I win more than I lose anymore.  It is so easy to think negatively and it is easy to isolate.  What is necessary, however, is too pick yourself back upm forgive yourself for the doubt that you feel, let go of control and don't predict the future.  It doesn't matter if you think you are worthless you will be proven wrong.  You are still young but I like to say that I learned everything that I needed to know in this world from grade school and that is the case for most everybody.  It doesn't happen over night but if you believ anything I say believe this.....
When you have a good day don't try to understand why it is a good day.  Don't brood over the fact that tomorrow may not be a good day.  Don't think of time as a line.  You don't get worse every year you just internalize too much.  Start opening those doors and deal with the demons that are behind them.  There is a time for being overwhelmed and a time to relax.  There is a time to give up control and be present and a time to take certain steps to help God out.  The answer is there it is just hard to see....

This is my job and it may sound crazy, I understand.  Somedays I wish I didn't know what I know but I learn everyday. I can't predict the future either but I do know how the cycles of life work.  Look into Cognitive Behavior Therapy when you get time.  Good luck and God bless you my friend.
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3236191 tn?1451025079
I'm actually agnostic mainly because it's the path of least resistance, it takes too much energy for me to give to be theist or antitheist.  I respect other people's religious choices though.  By worthless, I mean I realize all the things I produce are sub-par at best but I'm OK with that so I'm going to stop trying so hard to produce things.  I'm just not good at anything I do but hey that's cool.  I can be good at not being good at anything.  I have opened the door to deal with the demons but it's a bit overwhelming because there's so many of them.
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