Last Resort

I am 21 years old and I have been struggling for normalcy for several years now. Through out the past few years I have noticed a change in myself. Before I graduated high school, I began a relationship with a girl. She and I were very much "in love", but about a year later, we broke it off. I tried to move on, however I couldn't because I was convinced she was who I should be with. She would not take me back, saying she did not want to be in a relationship with anyone for a while. It has now been three years since she and I first met. We still communicate and she calls me, still promising we will be together, just not right now. After our break up, I found myself using drugs and drinking often enough that friends around me called me "the party" girl. I constantly would try to make better decisions, but any little thing would trigger me to act self destructively and sometimes even try to harm myself to the point of no return. I was recently involved in a terrible accident, in which I was driving, and my friend(passenger) died at the scene. I was flown to the hospital, where I stayed for about a week in half. I am now recovering at home and I thought that my accident would impact my life so much that I might change my ways. Sadly, even after all I have been through, I feel like I am still experiencing symptoms such as, mood swings, anxiety, restlessness, obsessive thoughts, burst of energy, increased appetite, thoughts that I can make it and a day later, thoughts that my world is ending. I'm so confused. I also cannot get thoughts of my ex out of my head. I feel dumb because I'm holding on to someone that is letting go, but for some reason I can't let go. Now I'm coping with the loss of my friend and all of my other crazy emotions. I feel horrible. Am I suffering from a disorder? Why do I obsess over things? Why am I always going from happy to sad? Why can't I keep a job? Why do I fight with everyone? I don't get it... Help! Please....

- Britt

[libra848]

You're at a place in your life where discussion boards are not going to be your answer.  You're going to have to make it a priority to take  care of yourself and go out of your way for yourself by seeking help from a psychiatrist. If you can't afford it or don't have insurance, call your local county and they have free mental health services.   All this other stuff just makes you feel like your helping yourself, but you need real help.  We all did at some point.

[DLA]

Hi.  You really need to get professional help.  Sounds like you are spiraling out of control at his point.  Think most of us have probably been there.  My absolute lowest was when I got help.  Sounds like you're there now.

I had a really great therapist that I talked to just like we were best friends.  She couldn't prescribe the meds, but the psychiatrist at the same place could.  Find some one you are comfortable with and get your life back in order.  You're still very young and have plenty of time to really enjoy your life if you are willing to get the help.

Any time you need some one to talk to or just blow off steam we're here to listen.

Dac