Last resorts...

I suppose I should start by outlining myself. I'm 27, I'm physically healthy, despite the smoking, I have a good job and a group of supporting friends and family. Life should be good.
I've grown up constantly unable to control my temper, although I've never taken anything out on anyone else, as a child if I became frustrated I would usually resort to punching myself in the head. Since then my moods swing constantly, I become enraged at nothing and can be completely innapropriately happy as well. My harming episodes have gravitated to cutting, I have a bad self image and low confidence but at times come across as a complete narcisist. I have attempted suicide once and consider it as an option regularly. My mother and grandmother have both been diagnosed with anxiety issues, which I believe are genetic as I suffer from regular panic attacks, the doctors I have seen believe it to be panic disorder and have suggested I have anti-depressants, which I don't want to take - I have used Amytriptiline before and it made me so sick I couldn't function. I have taken to  sneaking my nana's valium supplies out of her house in an effort to stay calm, but they knock me out completely and my boss is now starting to get onto my back.
I just feel like nobody wants to help me.
What can I do?

[therese83]

You really can take control of the situation.  You can change things so that you can enjoy your family and friends.

Why do you not want to take medication?  It can be something private between you and your psychiatrist.

You do not have to suffer like this, with correct diagnoses and medication you can lead a full and happy life.

I have had very good treatment and I am very happy.  I hope that you will take care of yourself, when you are feeling anxious like this it really screwes up your view of your life, things can get better very quickly.

Take care

[monkeyc]

First thing to do is get a doctor to send you to a psychiatrist, sit down, go thru the family history and be honest and this will lead you to a diagnosis and its what you need.

Valium wont help you control temper, its a muscle relaxant that works as an anti anxiety drug as well however its sedating in higher doses and some people do not react well to it - its also addictive long term.

Don't be afraid of an AD - I was because of a horrific experience with one which caused me issues but im BP and that can happen, im using Mirtazapene and its not sedating me, it makes me feel sleepy when I take it at night but its not doing anything to me during the day.  The big thing is to make sure you discuss any drug with your doctor so you know what to expect - for AD drugs there is a bed in period and some intitial side effects for some drugs but most fade fast.

Amitriptyline is one of the older Tricyclics first launched in 1961 - it's now used for a lot of off label uses and can have some nasty side effects - there are safe and effective AD drugs out there - if you want to look at some of the  and how they compare then this report from the National Center for Biotechnology Information is worth a read - its a 3mb PDF and worth it.www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/bv.fcgi?rid=antidep

Hang on in there ok - we have all been there and its hard but when you get a diagnosis and start getting a treatment sorted out it is amazing how fast you start to feel better - just knowing what is wrong means a lot.

[daisy_a7x]

In 1999 I was diagnosed with depression, In England GPs seem to hand out ADs like smarties and thanks to the ending of a relationship with an ex I found myself unable to sleep. I went to him and cried in his office, eventually leaving with the prescription for Amitriptyline. the side effects for me were horrendous, I couldn't sleep and spent three nights with my head down the toilet puking bile while my mum frantically massaged my legs which were so cramped I was almost on the verge of passing out from the pain.

I went to see the same doctor in 2006 about my rage episodes which were getting more and more pronounced, He handed me a leaflet for a councelling session at the local university which was mainly for domestic violence. I felt completely let down by the system, and spiralled into an emotional nosedive, which was when I initially attempted suicide. I spent the evening with friends drinking, being the life and soul that they're so used to seeing, drank enough Jack Daniels to keep the Titanic afloat, forced an enormous amount of coke up my nose and slashed my wrists in the car park of the apartment block one of my friends lived in. One of them found me and dragged me to his house, I hadn't cut deep enough to need hospital attention, but they wouldn't let me go home as my mum was away.

Most recently has been with a different doctor who sent me for a blood test to check that my panic attacks weren't glandular.. what ever that means? I haven't heard anything since so I'm assuming all was fine.

This time I have written down EVERYTHING. The mood swings, the panic, the suicide attempt, the cutting, the anorexia. I don't want to tell them about the panic when I'm driving as I so don't want them to take my license away.. my car is my freedom.

Thank you so much for your support!