Leave, or face dangerous consequences

[PenelopeAnn]

I am 38. I am disabled. I have lived with my mom & stepdad for several years. Over the past couple of years there has been a change in my stepdad. He is hateful, passive-aggressive, & gets bent out of shape over normal or little things. He focuses the blame of all his personal problems on me & one of our dogs. It's actually very bizarre. Anyway, it is time for me to go. I have been entertaining thoughts of suicide both during depressed & mixed episodes, and even when my mood is OK & I'm just that discouraged. I am actually tempted to stop taking my meds so I can go into the hospital & get a break from this mess. I feel trapped, which also causes me to contemplate dangerous things-the only way out. It is time for me to get out, but I know nothing of how much it costs to live alone these days. I get $1700 a month, can I live that? How do I find out? Will Medicaid pay for my meds - Lithobid, Seroquel XR, Xanax - or will they make me take other stuff? What about my psych dr, I found one I really like, can I keep her? I already know that the only therapist in my area, and a good one, no longer takes Medicaid because of the paper work.

I honestly don't think I am safe enough to live on my own. I am still having some rapid cycling. The stress & isolation might tip the scales. But maybe being away from the itense pettiness and negativity will balance it all out. I wouldn't have to hide being gay anymore, that would be nice. My stepdad is a racist & hates homosexuals. He'd kick me out if he knew. My mother has told me I am her only friend & she uses me as her only social support. She would be lost if I moved out. That has kept me here longer than I have wanted to. Also, we have a special needs dog that is huge & I doubt I could find a place to live that would accept him. They would have to learn how to take care of him (diabetic) or have him put down. I was trying to wait until he died to move out, but I guess I take too good care of him because he's still in great shape. I'd take my little dog with me, I think.

What are your thoughts and/or ideas?  

[ILADVOCATE]

As I've said there is the Medicaid Buy in for Working People with Disabilities. It is in almost all states. You can work as little as an hour a month and qualify. But you'd still be eligible for SSDI if you work under the limit (google ssa.gov). There are other options as well. As I said your local independent living center could give more specific in person advice.

[PenelopeAnn]

If I cannot keep my meds, I cannot move out because there are no alternatives. I have been on all other meds and it was only because of extended release that I am able to take the ones I do. If I cannot keep my same psych doc I may not move out because it is too difficult to find a good one and I already had one screw up since we moved out here, almost ending up in the hospital.

[PenelopeAnn]

I found a place in my town that helps low income people find housing and budgeting, etc. They seem very nice. What I need is a liason for me & SS and Medicare issues.

Can I just say one thing? This nations health care system is DUMB. I am totally ignorant and become easily overwhelmed. I get too much SSDI to qualify for Medicaid, so it's Medicare for me. I thought I just got this Medicare card and went about my business. But no. It isn't MEDICARE that covers you, but other plans, and you have pick one. How the H*** am I supposed work this? How is anyone? All I want is to stay on the meds I am on and keep the psych doc I have. Social security is SO not helpful, neither is Medicare. They want you to do all the work....so what good are they doing me? It too much and too overwhelming and I am close to giving up.
Another dumb thing. In 2004 I was offerend some coverage by Medicare, but they would cover my meds, which one by itself was $500 a month, so I refused & kept the private insurance. SO NOW that I go to use Medicare I have to pay $180 a month penalty!!!!!!!!!!!

[ILADVOCATE]

Perhaps the therapist works with a social worker and could find a case manager as well. Social workers generally are supposed to coordinate practical issues in a person's life. Maybe the therapist could make a reccomendation.

[PenelopeAnn]

Thanks. I see my therapist tomorrow. I'll find out more from her, I hope.

[ILADVOCATE]

I don't know what the exact options for housing are where you live but there is supported housing for a person with a psychiatric disability. You qualify for that. A person lives alone and a social worker visits once a month. Yes Medicaid will pay for all of your medications. They are first line FDA approved options. You could find out more about this at your local independent living center:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html