Life is frustrating isn't it? just when I think I'm keeping my cool and things are calm..someone or something ticks me off and makes me blow up...then I end up feeling horrible about myself because I didn't act differently and want to crawl in bed and never get back out. I get sick of these cycles and ups/downs and no way to control them and feeling like everyone hates me and is always trying to make me look stupid with things I say.
I'm still waiting on cardiac clearance to get put on Lamictal but it's been weeks and my cardiologist hasn't said it's ok so when I go to a new Psych dr in 2 weeks I'm just going to fill the script; I'm sick of feeling this way and hope it will help calm my nerves.
It is very frustrating honey!!!! I know exactly how you feel..
Sometimes it gets us really down just thinking about the up's and down's, knowing that we have to keep fighting our impulses and watching our moods for the rest of our lives is hard work!
Keep in mind though, that every day you are learning, every time you blow up is another learning curve and you might handle the situation next time a bit better. I think we get a rough time because when we rage people automatically blame the Bipolar, but everybody gets angry, everybody can react in a way they don't like and feel like a terrible person afterwards. Maybe you had every right to lose your temper! It's not always you losing control, sometimes it's the situation.. something led you to it..
There's no point beating yourself up, it's done. You're human!!!
Is there any way you can pester the Cardiologist? I usually get my partner to call, and he will say that the situation is making me unwell etc, they seem to listen more to someone else LOL.
You are not alone, we are all here for you, please remember that.
By the way I have had some horrible rages because of the tiniest thing, and I just apologise and apologise, and try to explain, it helps ,me to forgive myself a bit..
It is comforting to hear that I am not the only one that goes through these things! I agree with Mom2four85...everything is a learning experience. I notice that I can calm myself much quicker than I used to. I still "lose it", but it is less now. Keep your chin up (as should all of us) and we will survive this and be stronger for it! = )
thanks for the responses and yes I beat myself up over the silliest things...one problem I have is with people treating me like I'm a 12 yr old when I was out on my own by age 16 and grew up early taking care of myself, mother and brothers.
I used to have a really high IQ (now my brain is just mush); never studied in school and a photographic memory where I saw it once I knew it and a knack for details and now would probably be dx in the Autism spectrum disorder; socially inept and never thought much about social things just academic and got a scholarship at 15 but I didn't utilize it.
I had a friend a couple of weeks ago on facebook scold me like a little child and tell me what not to do in a post where 20 or 30 of us friends were chatting back & forth...then she proceeded to tell me I could NEVER have OCD issues and I didn't know what I was talking about with OCD and mental health, yet she hasn't stepped foot in my home before; only meeting out at dinner parties etc...this just sent me through the roof and i got out of our meeting group and unfriended her.
the other thing that really bothers me is when someone thinks they're right about something we're discussing and goes out of their way to prove I'm wrong even though I have solid facts to back up what I say, yet they have nothing except what they have been told like my opinion means nothing.
I just don't know why I let things like this bother me? I'm hoping meds will help me not care what the heck anyone else says lol
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