Oops! Suppose to be 'wonderful' not 'wonder'. Sorry.
Well, don't even consider ending it all!!! There is still hope out there. You just have to be willing to look for it. Sounds like to me it's about time for a change in drs. You know, pdocs are like all the rest, some are good, some are very good, and then others. . . well, you know. Sounds like you and yours don't have a good working relationship. Do you have other drs and meds? If you do they ALL need to be working together for your good.
Don't give up on life, it can be absolutely wonder when you find the right combo and get stable. Trust me, I'm a stable bper and there's nothing like it.