Manic and loving it!

3 days ago I become manic.  I of course did not notice till my boyfriend pointed it out.  I am loving life right now.  I did however have to take large amounts of my sleeping medication to go to sleep.  Fortunately for me I don't become severely depressed after because of my medications.  This is the 3rd time this year I have become manic.  I am not at the too high stage yet (thank goodness), but I am in heaven.  I don't want to call my doctor.  He tried last time to put me on medication to bring me back down but I refused.  Why would I want that?  Life is ecstacy and I am on top of the world.  Can you blame me for not wanting to do anything about it?  My only worry is work.  I work for myself but deal very closely with clients.  I was with a couple clients on Saturday and couldn't talk fast enough.  I hope they didn't notice something was off.  Maybe I should do something about this, I don't know.  Any advice?  P.s  I feel like I am on the best drugs known to man.

[LetaB]

  Sounds like you aren't so out of your head that you don't know what's going on. Since you know that you have the desire to speak too quickly can you find the contol to adjust it? I have experienced some of what you're describing  (only on an antidepressant) and, personally, it was such a splendid heaven from the hell of depression that I normally experienced that I feel hypocritical telling you what you already know - that you're headed for a fall ,sister, and you'd better put on the brakes!
  What does your boyfriend think about your behavior?

[jst4shanell]

My boyfriend is worried but I think he would rather me happy than depressed.  My aunt called and said she thinks i'm manic.  She noticed it yesterday on the phone.  I don't notice i'm manic till people point it out to me.  I may be irrational by saying this but I don't think I will become depressed.  I don't know, what the hell am I saying.  Who knows.  

[ILADVOCATE]

I would say you are hypomanic now. It does feel good. But then it well spiral into full blown mania and things will get out of control. Then yes as is the course of bipolar you will experience depression again. Its inevitable. What you want to feel is euthymic, that is stable. Mania affects judgement and much else. Most defintely not a good thing. Speak to your psychiatrist and have your mood stabilizer adjusted. I would post what I did before recovery when I was manic that had bad results including ended up in a psych. hospital but as its a public forum I don't feel comfortable. But mania is clearly not a good state to be in. What are you taking in the way of mood stabilizers? Maybe we could discuss some suggestions to bring to your psychiatrist.
  And I would see if people read through my posts its important to understand when I say "recovered" its from the primary symptoms of schizoaffective disorder and does not mean "cured". I do need a mood stabilizer in addition to the glycine which is the Phase II experimental anti-psychotic I am in study for, and before that with the glycine alone I did have wild mood swings. And even now my medications for the tardive conditions are activating so insomnia and day time sleep and everyday things and not good and ones that as I speak to neurologists I hope to get adjusted. And what they are identifying as tardive psychosis produces a bizzare euphoric depression that in causing elation, before treatment helped was almost enjoyable. And occasionally as the Zofran wears off I will slip into it. But mania is something I have to be on guard for as well. And everyone with bipolar, bipolar with psychotic features or schizoaffective in fact. Mania seems like a friend but its a seductive one to lead you down the wrong path and by the end you've done things you regret. Stability is the goal and with good treatment it need not be a balance between feeling overmedicated and feeling hypomanic. For a good website about up to date treatments google "Depression Central".

[jst4shanell]

Later today I started getting highly agitated and my mind thinking of 50 things at once.  I couldn't even talk.  I am sedated now but still can't really talk.  My skin is crawling. I am able to put sentences together again. My medications-
lamictal- 400mg
lithium- 900mg
wellbutrin- 150mg
neurotin- 300mg
remeron- cant remember the dose
clonazopam- 3mg-taking more to sedate me
centrum silver-old peoples vitamins

It's a lot.  But at least i'm not depressed.  That's all I care about.  I have been depressed with psychotic features most my life with bouts of mania in between.  I would rather deal with this than be depressed.  I have been hospitalized 7 times since I was 18.  This is nothing new to me.  Once I start getting extremely angry, agitated, can't hardly talk because somethings miss firing somewhere in my brain, and get crawling sensations in my skin ( like bugs trying to come out), I sedate myself.  Yesterday I spent thousands of dollars on presents for people.  I thought I always did that because I was a woman who liked to shop.  I think I realize when episodes are coming on.  The signs are always there, it's just sometimes people have to point them out for me to realize it.  And I really don't get depressed after an episode anymore.  It has to be the medications because it wasn't like this before.  Everything i'm saying sounds very contradicting.  I don't know what i'm talking about right now.  

[ILADVOCATE]

Perhaps it could be one of the medications. As my psychopharmocologist has told me "in high doses Lamictal can actually worsen mania". You are on a very high dose of Lamictal. You are on three mood stabilizers (Lithium, Lamictal, Neurontin). Perhaps your psychiatrist could titrate you off the Lamictal (do not make changes on your own!!) to see if that would help. The dose of the Lithium (900 mg.) is subclinical but if that were raised to 1200 mg. that is a standard starting dose. Of course there is always the risk of an anti-depressent making mania worse but Wellbutrin is the least likely offender for that. If your psychiatrist is unaware of all this have him refer you to a mood disorders specialist. Google "Depression Central" for some information. And clearly with what you talked about with spending you are becoming manic and its of concern. But it could be caused by the Lamictal. And a psychiatrist who is a mood disorders specialist would know more.

[jst4shanell]

My psychiatrist is also a psychopharmocologist.  I did look at my medications and my Lamictal dose is actually 200mg.  We tried to go to 400 but I was not able to tolerate it.  The Lithium seems to help a lot.  Maybe I should up that dose (of course not by myself).  We tried to max out the Wellbutrin to 300mg but I instantly started to become manic.  The Wellbutrin mixture has saved me from the crippling depression.   I don't want to call my doctor.  I know he will put me on some sort of tranquilizer and try to kill me.  I refused last time and he told me to just have fun then and call him when it gets really bad.  Did I just say my doc was trying to killl me?  Oh boy.  Here we go.  Hold on to my seat belt.  I don't know what i'm saying but I can't stop.  Sorry.

[dippy1]

Maybe it would be sensible to speak to your doctor just to let him know what's going on...catching up with the specialist doesn't mean you have to add/change meds but he/she would find it helpful to know where you're at with this, at least then if/when things go pear-shaped, they'll have been warned and will be ahead of you in planning the next strategy.........?

[LetaB]

   I know this is not funny but.....I bet you're fun to party with in this condition! If only it didn't have any repercussions. You spent all that money - do you actually have a job? I mean you said you have a history of dramatic moods and hospitalizations and I know from my own situation that it can interfere with employment. You don't have to answer. I'm just curious.

[ILADVOCATE]

I think you would mean by "tranquilizer" anti-psychotic right? That would specifically be needed for psychosis which you state you don't have and don't seem to be showing signs of. Your should not feel intimidated by your psychiatrist. If he acts in that manner to you that a medication is held over you like a threat perhaps its time to change to another psychiatrist. From what you've identified its the Wellbutrin that is making you manic but you need it to stop severe depression that the Lithium alone wasn't helping. Lithium is a mood stabilizer so its effective on depression as well. If that were raised to a standard clinical dose (with a psychiatrist working on it) then perhaps you would be able to lower the Wellbutrin. I had mania caused by taking Anafranil because I was misdiagnosed as having ocd. It made me hypomanic, then manic, then psychotic, then finally I ended up in the psych. hospital (1991). Anafranil is an anti-depressent of course as well. The first SSRI before Prozac even. The Wellbutrin is making you manic. It should be changed as soon as possible to something else. Tell your psychiatrist that or he may think you are manic on your own, and if you feel that afraid to speak to him then get a referral to someone else. The best thing to do is to see a mood disorders specialist. Google "Depression Central" for more information about mood disorders and all known forms of treatment and ideas about it.

[jst4shanell]

I am not afraid of my psychiatrist.  He's the best.  I don't want to be on more drugs though.  I like this feeling.  I am just trying to make my psychiatrist understand that I feel wonderful.  Like i'm high on drugs, but I don't do drugs.  What's wrong with wanting to feel  that way?  How often does anyone get to feel this?  Even if it only lasts a little bit.  I'm telling you, I do not become depressed after an episode.  The only thing I hate is when the aggitation, paranoia and skin crawling start.  It lasts for a little while, then i'm fine again.  My boyfriend and family are well aware of whats going on.  They are 'babysitting' me if you will.  I do have a job.  I own 2 businesses and when things get bad, I have 11 employees that knows what to do.  My boyfriend is right there to help out.  No big deal.  When it comes to tranqualizing myself, I use high doses of Klonopin.  It really helps with mania or hypomania.  Unfortunately it only lasts a couple hours.  I need to talk to my pdoc about that.  He does not know i'm doing that.  I am going to Google 'Depression Central' and see if it has anything I don't already know.  My boyfriend is no longer really thinking this is fun.  He says i'm talking way to fast and very loud.  Yesterday, I did get to the point where I could not talk at all.  I had so many things running through my head that I couldn't put a sentence together.  I can go on and on and on about all this.  My symptoms are so jumbled, it's hard to explain.  I really appreciate the impute you have given.  People around me don't really know what's going on because they are not Bipolar.  It's great that I can bounce things off you guys without judging.  

[ILADVOCATE]

  I understand but being that I have schizoaffective with the bipolar aspect I have indeed been manic before recovery and it wasn't that long ago. It does feel fun at the time but it always spirals into things that get out of control. Its not so much passing a judgement as a common experience we all share. I had a friend who actually works as a clinical social worker who is on a mood stabilizer. That person did not seem manic at all and passed for "normal" but when they started on an anti-depressent it made them so manic they did many destructive and out of control things and I got their e-mails and had to personally talk them down and then they called their psychiatrist.
  You would not need an anti-psychotic as that is not an issue. Klonopin is an anti-anxiety drug and has a minor mood stabilization effect. The problem from what you are describing is the Wellbutrin and it is making you manic and medication enduced mania is a concern indeed. Of course from what you said you need an adjunct medication to mitigate depression and Wellbutrin is the least likely to do that so its a matter of changing the Wellbutrin. But the fact is some mood stabilizers are also good on depression as well. Lithium is good on both mania and depression so that's why it is still a first line mood stabilizer besides the side effects. I am fully familiar with all mood stabilizers in existence having been through all of them because I couldn't tolerate any and before recovery would discontinue them and become manic which was the wrong thing to do on my part. But unlike anti-psychotics of which the new categories are still in research studies there are approved medications used off label as mood stabilizers identified all the time. For example many people take fish oil as a mood stabilizer. However, the FDA approved drug Lovaza that is an anti-cholesterol medication derived from the fatty acids in fish oil is now being studied as a mood stabilizer. Unlike the phase II experimental antipsychotic I've posted about glycine that I'm on, these are FDA approved medications so a doctor or psychiatrist can prescribe them off label for whatever they want. You can keep your psychiatrist of course but I suggest they refer you to a mood disoders specialist. That person would be an expert in the field and know more and be able to find you a medication that could mitigate the depression without causing mania. Its not a matter of more medication. Its a matter of changing and titrating medications.

[jst4shanell]

You are right.  But I don't want to.

[ILADVOCATE]

  Yes and I'm just another consumer on the site. But on the other hand I have been through it and I know what will happen. The hypomania you are experiencing will spiral into full blown mania and it will be really frightening. At that point you won't be able to control yourself at all. You already had some concerns with spending. Things will get worse. And although you are asking other people as for decisions you make you may not afterwards. And do something that will have consequences. And in this situation its not you being manic. The anti-depressent is making you manic.
   I will tell you myself that last winter I went off Lamictal. I entered a full blown manic state and did things that alienated people and almost lost friends. I was also experiencing something that they are identifying in research that is a new criteria not yet established which is tardive psychosis. But I had standard mood elevation and then depression. And most of them time I had both an agitated mixed state (which is common) and a euphoric depression (which is rarer) and a dissociative depression (which is not unheard of). I spent the entire winter in a dissociative state, part of me believing and I lived in the Victorian era and read gothic literature and thinking that death was about to approach me. And after two near death states from the choking spasms from the tardive conditions instead of becoming upset I thought that I saw the angel of death.
And then I went on Clonidine which treated the tardive conditions (including the tardive psychosis) and more importantly was a mood stabilizer and I realized something. It wasn't real. I liked the real world. I had spent hundreds of dollars in cd's. And I had read bizzare and disturbing poems at readings and alienated friends. And some things that are explicit that I don't find it appropriate to detail her. So I should have asked my psychiatrist to transfer the Lamictal. And before the tardive conditions ever happenned, I had standard manic episodes and medication enduced mania as well too at times. I was glad when they were resolved.
  There's one thing that feels better than mania. Its stability. And medication enduced mania only feels good at first. Then its frightening. But by then you've lost control. What you don't want is to feel "flattened out" and "overmedicated". You want a mood stabilizer that will stabilize your moodswings without making you lose your personality. I went through that too. There's much more out there in the way of approved medications that are experimental as mood stabilizers that don't cause cognitive blunting. And yes your psychiatrist may not know of them. But a mood disorders specialist would. What if you could feel stable without feeling overmedicated. Isn't that you really mean? And what you really want and are trying to acheive?

[jst4shanell]

I'm sorry to sound like a broken record, but I like the way I am.  I like how I feel, talk and think.  I like everything in my life.   My jobs, my boyfriend, my family, my friends, my hobbies.  I'm smart and funny.  I talk too much and too loud, but I don't care.  I spend too much money, but I have money.

I'm starting to understand the point you make about the full blown mania.  I have been hospitalized twice in the past year (way earlier in the year).  I assumed you were taking about the crash.  I swear, I don't get that anymore.  But you are talking about the full mania.  That scares me but I feel like I can't help it.  I don't want this to stop although I know I don't want to get into serious trouble.  I hope that makes sense.  It probably does but is not logical thinking.  I decided I will NEVER go to the hospital again.  Absolutely under no conditions will anyone force me to go to such a depressing place.  All of them are like that.  Cold, sterile and prisonlike.  

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes but what you are experiencing which is hypomania could spiral into full blown mania. If it were just your own mental changes it would be one thing but because it is obviously medication enduced its another thing. In 2003 I had the same issue. I didn't want to go to the hospital either and I didn't think I would. But I let things sprial out of control and what started off as a few minor prank calls that got out of hand in their intensity turned into an involuntarily hospital stay.
That was my last inpatient stay. After that I went to the Clozapine clinic and most recently I went back to the same hospital I had been in the in patient unit in 1991 to testify about new medications in developement and I think of myself now as an individual who is free and never will be confined again. Its a wonderful feeling. But I know if I let myself spiral into mania that freedom would be lost in an instant. Just have the Wellbutrin changed. Call your psychiatrist about that. And yes you will never have to go to the hospital again. But sometimes mania makes that a reality and not one of your choice.  

[therese83]

Be careful, you should get in touch with the Doctor.  

You could make a mistake or do something you will regret or even have an accident.  It could be your medication.