What you describe sounds a lot like ultra rapid cycling bipolar 2. When not on my meds I get that. I still have some symptoms on meds but it is a LOT less. It is like a switch goes off. Sometimes I can feel it happening. It is crazy making because you (and those around you) never know what to expect. I have been severely depressed and would rather that to rapid cycling. I call it the emotional elevator and you never know what floor it is going to stop at or how quickly the elevator will move.
I have done things I severely regret. I smashed my grandmother's wedding gift to in a fit of rage that my husband put it in the dishwasher and now it had spots all over the silver part. I just picked it up and smashed it into a million pieces. And at the time if felt great to do that. Vindicated. I would show him. Then I changed moods and the regret set in. Nothing I do will ever replace that item. I have never told my husband about this. I just told him I dropped it and it broke. I am still saddened by what I did.
So getting diagnosed and getting treated, for bipolar 2 or whatever else is going on, is really important. You may not be able to control what you do, but you have to live with the consequences. And when you are having stable moments. Tell your husband how much you love him and appreciate his support. It will go a long way to making the crazy moments more bearable for him.
Hey sashaxasha.
Hang in there. Have faith, that that Real person behind those nasty
and crazy sometimes symptoms, is going to prevail.
You are NOT your symptoms. Whether you're diagnosed with depression,
b.p or whatever, remember always that you are the same loving person
that your husband married, and what matters the most is that you are a
Being with a Soul and a Mind and a Spirit, that can rise well above the symptoms
that you experience and the labels that you are given.
Deborah King, a Healer, A Spiritual Teacher and above all, a Beautiful Human Being,
was at a Conference, I attended a couple weeks ago. She gave a talk and conducted a workshop with live Healing that inspired all attendees, greatly!
Deborah was abused as a young girl, later developed Depression, Addictions, then diagnosed with Bipolar and in her twenties, diagnosed with Cancer.
She managed to overcome ALL these serious conditions -totally cured, outside the medical system- and not only living to tell us about it today, but becoming an Inspirational
Leader in the field of Healing and Wellness.
What did it for her? The strength of her Spirit. I believe, within all her pain and suffering,
she made an agreement with herself, NEVER to give in!
Please do a search under her name or go to the Hay House Radio website where
she has a weekly radio program, where people can call in. It will be worth your while!
And it is free.
I know that this stuff is outside the medical routine, the doctors ,the drugs, diagnosis, etc.
However, support, inspiration and encouragement can be invaluable to people suffering from serious mental or physical conditions.
Please post your comments, and should you need some Holistic or Spiritual advice,
post at the Alternative Therapies or message me directly (as per forum rules).
God Bless you all.
Nikodicreta
Thank you for the encouraging words...This is so hard..I feel like I'm dying inside however being here and listening to everyone's stories lets me know I'm not alone...:-)
You might need to be reevaluated. Get a second opinion. My wife was dxd with clinical depression for years until they diagnosed her with Bipolar 1... Don't blame yourself tho... It is a disease, an illness, it is not you. Be good to yourself and him of course, but first be good to yourself. Hang in there, one day, one hour at a time. There are meetings you can go to, they are DBSA meetings (DBSA stands for depression and bipolar support alliance) Not sure if I can post a link here to their main website, I'll take my chance: http://dbsa.invisionzone.com/index.php?act=idx they also have online support groups here: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_OSGnocomponent if you want to find meetings in your community, here is the page you can find them: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupport Good luck to you. Your husband can also attend to any of those three resources I posted...
I was originally diagnosed with post natal depression, then major depressive with psychotic features and then finally my Pdoc got another Pdoc to see me for a second opinion and they both agreed on Bipolar..so it can take some time.
I'm a rapid cycler too, it can be as quick as 1 day feeling great to the next day having suicidal thoughts, sometimes it can be a matter of hours.
I have experienced mixed episodes a lot for the last few years and its the worst state of mind ever...the anger is unbelievable! and it makes me feel so bad afterwards when I have to face the consequences of my rage.
Sometimes my hormones trigger things off, and stress is a biggy! so if you can delegate some of your work load on to your husband that can reduce the pressure on you and he won't be getting screamed at as much LOL.
You really need to get re-assessed as obviously it is more than depression and the treatment you are on isn't working..
I hope you find some comfort on this forum, its great, we all support eachother and understand what you are going through..
Hugs :)
When someone is experiencing rapid cycling (such as I do) they can change from manic to depression in a very short time. Also depression and mania can overlap in mixed states such as an agitated mixed state where a person can feel angry at the world and not know why. That's just one example and only a psychiatrist would understand the specifics but it would be worth explaining exactly what is happening so they could appropriately find a conclusive diagnosis and change and/or adjust your treatment as needed.