Mornings

I have very vivid dreams that stick with me even after I wake up in the morning. I wake up with a feeling that I am going insane and how nice it would be to check out permanently. I take my meds and the feelings fade after an hour two, but this is an everyday thing. I feel so hopeless and worry that I will end up in a rubber room for the rest of my life.( I would never allow that to happen if I could help it). I have been reading and I seem to fit BPD better now than I fit in BP. I know I have psychotic problems as well and cannot do without psychotic meds. I find life to be almost unbearable in the mornings and I dread nights. I hope none of the rest of you go thru this. I know longer know what I have mentally and feel lost. Don't worry, I am not actively suicidal, just keep my options open for the time when I run out of available meds and have to go unmedicated.

[Twelvesgirl]

I saw this post going through the old ones and I am wondering how you're doing w/ this? Have you spoken to your doctor about your thinking you fit BPD? Just checking in since this must have got to the bottom too fast. I hope you're well.

[bastet56]

Thanks, I'm fine. I have been going thru mixed episodes lately but the dreams have pretty much become a nightly thing. As for BPD, who knows? I fit some of the criteria but then I think anyone who has gone thru abuse probably does too.

[Alex_X_18]

I hvave been blessed enough not to have this problem....
but my opinion is that anxiety and taking too much madication can cause a person to have very vivid dreams

[lagatta]

Are you stressed right now?  I get nightmares when I'm stressed.  

I used to have these nightmares where a serial killer would break into my home and try to kill me.  I would then catch on to the fact that my surroundings were slightly off and realize I was just dreaming so I would try to wake up from the nightmare only to be in another dream that I had woken up in my bedroom from the previous nightmare.  Then the attacker in my nightmare would once again try to kill me.  It would go on repetitively for about 7 or 8 times until I would truly awake. I always had a hard time grounding myself when I was truly awake.  I was able to do so by connecting with others (even if it was just calling a crisis line).  I found that talking to another live human being about what had gone on calmed me down.

[LetaB]

I am having the same issues. I'm awake now because I fear what nightmares have been prepared for me tonight so I'm awake to write this now. I woke up early this morning from yet another dream which played out as if the script had been written specifically to terrify me. I had a traumatic happening in my life a round a year ago which has made my BP ten times worse. Ever since I got this bad news, if I think of this thing, I cry. I never had this problem before. I can not drive past where it happened and then the nightmares started. Each one so creatively scewed from one another but tied together by having the main theme always be about this tragedy. It has colored my life completely and I can't seem to be able to cut through all this cr@p and see the sunshine. How does one ever recover? I feel like if life has nothing in store for me but this desperate treading water I just want to be done.