Mother has scary mood swings?

[Kitty8675309]

Hi.
I'm a teenager and have always thought my moms quirks were "normal" until i heard my friends talk about their parents and realize my mother is ... different. She's oftn very nice, but has severe controlling issues. She asks questions like, "Who are you texting? Do i know them? i need to know them if they know you." "What you do in school today? Oh? cuz i just emailed your teachers and ..." but i know some moms are just like that. I'm a very sarcastic person, (i have been all my life) so my mother is use to it. But today i said something like "Oh mom, you are such a freak sometimes ..." and she FREAKED out and told me how stupid i was, and i best shut up, or i'm "gonna get it", then she threw me inside and watched me for ten minutes just sitting in my room. She wouldn't leave. It was so bizarre. Another time she has hit me in one of her "anger attacks", but im used to it. Then half an hour later she tries to hug me, but i won't have it. I don't deserve this.

Sorry for the long post, but is this normal in a mother of three children? Her own father was CRAZY, (like hide old fish under his bed, crazy) so it's in the family .... help?

[ILADVOCATE]

Well I wouldn't use a term like crazy but my mother was recently diagnosed with cyclothymia (mild bipolar) and she acted somewhat that way when I was growing up. One can't be sure and only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis. It would not be a good idea for you to approach her. Speak to a school counselor and ask what the best way to approach it is. Nami friend and family support groups are good too. Its a very difficult issue to apporach and if you know of any other family members that would be supportive that would help.

[LetaB]

Oh, and some advice from a crazy mom - NEVER call your mom a freak (even if you think she is one). That is the woman who suffered bringing you in to this world. If you can find a caring adult to confide in about her erratic and controlling behavior then it will be easier for you to keep your temper with her. And you are correct, you do NOT deserve this treatment.

[Dazon50]

My mother is schizophrenic & has never been able to be a mother. I was taken to live with my aunt & uncle when I was 3 1/2 yrs. old.  It wasn't till I was 12 1/2 that I returned to live with my natural parents.  For me, it was like being Alice in Wonderland as she would see/hear things, pace the floor at night staring at us while we tried to sleep or cleaning and talking to herself.  She would puff on one cigarette after another.

She would tell stories of how my dad would make her have s x with him, come with his boots on......I was 12 yrs. old.  First of all, I had been taken against my wishes at 3 1/2 ...cried all the way to my new home, spent those years feeling like I was a captive in a home where I wasn't wanted by my uncle to begin with.  I suffered from nightmares & felt an "evil" presence around me.  The sounds at night grew louder and I dreaded the nights.  My uncle tried to molest me around 8 and my aunt didn't believe me...I misbehaved fequently & kept saying I wanted to go home....

My aunt would say that was the last place for me to go. I would say..I hate you! You are not my mother!.....so to end up getting my wish and find this strange person who I had all these hopes for was a rude awakening.  I came to live back at home in Sept. and by Dec. I saw my mother carted off to the institution as she "went off the deep end"...walking through glass...ranting/raving......she had brought her hand down on my face when I walked in the door totally unprepared by the attack!

By Feb. I was in my first foster home.  When I went back again, and she was out because they put her on new meds...I was off from school one day, sitting on my bed, and she came to the door with a hammer in her hand.  I was nervous, as I had my p.j.'s on and no shoes/socks on....it was cold outside and she started talking about strange things and acting angry so I ran downstairs, grabbing rubber boots and ran out the door without thought to how cold it was.

I stood shivering in the barn trying to stay warm, listening to her call my name...my full name....  Donna....... of (town, state), we know all about you!!!.

I will always remember the way she said it.  I was about 14 1/2 at the time.  Years later, when I read in the Bible about the way demons speak....I thought, "That is what she sounded like"!  She may as well have said my name, of town, state and used, Legion in place of we know.  

She didn't love the girls.  I am one of 8 girls in the family the # 7 child.  She threw my older sister down the stairs at my dad when she was a baby and yelled, "here you take her".  That is how my aunt ended up with her.  That sister is 5 yrs. older than me and lives with my brother 4 yrs. older than me in incest. They have been together over 30 yrs.  This is what the madness has done and what I have had to live knowing.  I built my life with my children away from them.

It may seem cold but I wanted my children to have a sense of normalcy.  My oldest is on the autism spectrum and believe you me when I was told off record by a school psychologist that in his opinion she had childhood schizophrenia, when she was 6,  I about lost it.  I didn't think God could be so cruel as to do that to me.  I was robbed of my mother...one sister is an alcoholic who has never been able to be in a relationship long enough to have stability/joy. The two that are like man/wife are grandparents & talk about how evil the world is and the government...blah, blah, blah, all the while living like they do acting normal.  My oldest brother would run & hide in the silo because others would tease him that they were coming to take him away....he did that at 15 yrs. of age.  If vocational rehab hadn't gotten wind of him & gotten him away from the farm, he wouldn't be out in society with a job at all.  The brother one year younger than him was in the military & got out & was on drugs.  I watched him od on pig tranquilizer when I was 17 & he laid on a door on the floor in basement reading the Bible.  He found God.  He would pace about preaching/ranting/raving and he was carted off to the hospital where they put him on thorazine.  I remember going to see him & his tongue was hanging out & he could barely talk.  

Later he threated to kill us for signing him in. He had stock piled weapons thinking there was going to be a war.  He lives like a recluse now & still preaches, taking it one day at a time.

Lost two siblings in the same car accident when I had just turned 15.  I think they were spared having to live with this, but such a tragic ending.  Two were adopted out as my mother couldn't take care of them and one died at birth.  

I have spent years trying to deal with all this and live a "normal" life.  The last time I saw my mother about 15  yrs. ago, she motioned for me to come over and whispered in my ear that my dad screwed my older brother in the behind quarters.

I never could reach her and I didn't want to be in the place of madness.  I chose to deal with my sorrows by intellectualism.  Others pointed it out along the way.  I think God was merciful to me with my first child as I didn't really know how to be a parent.  I was an mixture of all the influences & didn't know how to be on ground level...so it has been a long process and a painful one of learning to be in the here & now and see that there are choices.

I have the echoes of things my mother said and sadness that she isn't a part of my life.  I learned it was easier to call her by her full name.  I hope answers can be found so that things can be better for others.  I can't say that I ever called my mother "crazy" to her face.

[Isabel81]

I'm not sure what someone in your situation is supposed to do.  My mom had similar issues and I didn't find out until high school that it wasn't normal for rules to constantly change, moods to constantly change, and to be miserable.  It turned out later she was bipolar, but nothing was being treated at the time.  My solution was moving 1500 miles away for college.  My life was exponentially better -- I highly recommend it.  She got worse over the years and I became something of a verbal punching bag.  I learned from her that I was a bad, selfish person, and my depression got to a point it hadn't reached since I'd left home.  Eventually she went completely off the deep end and alienated everyone in the family.  I'm relieved now that she had so little to do with me when I stopped giving her money because now she doesn't have my phone number or know where I live.  This is probably disheartening if you have more than a few months left in her house, but honestly, you can't make her get treatment.  Do you have any other parental-type figures who might be willing to step in, like a dad or grandparent or aunt or even a friend's sane parent?  Someone who might be willing to talk to her and try to intervene?  And even if she never gets treatment, it's important you have someone you can depend on who isn't her.  And to answer your question, no, this isn't normal, and don't ever believe her if she tells you you're bad.  It's her problem, not yours.

[Twelvesgirl]

I am a mother of 3 young children, and I have bipolar disorder. I can't say that I am the best mother at all times, but I do try my hardest. I have admitted to myself that I have BP and I am on meds, and go to therapy, etc. I agree to please not call your mother names like crazy or freak, it will hurt her and she may turn that hurt into anger, and you don't deserve what she may do or say. I feel like by coming on here to ask a question about her, you care about her, so running away from her may not be your first option. Talking to a trusted adult or the school counselor is a fantastic idea. If your dad is in the picture, he or someone who sees her behavior, would be the best. That way the adult can speak with her, not you. This shouldn't be on your shoulders alone, it is a heavy load. Please don't be afraid of your mother, there are some horrible stories, and my heart cries out for those of you who have had to endure such pain. But not everyone is that way, nor will they "end up" that way. I hope you find the help you need, and I hope you will continue to post here and let us know how you and your mother are doing.

[Xila31]

I also have bipolar and I do have anger, but I take it out on myself or on objects, not my family members. My kids are very precious to me and I would probably die if I ever hurt them in any way. So, I'm saying that your mom probably needs some help and you do need to talk to an adult. Hitting is not okay, no matter how old your kid is.

As for the texting issue, I understand maybe she's worried about you. There are a lot of crazy stories in the news right now about texting and child pornography and so on. I'm sure she's trying to protect  you. But I agree with the above poster. If she does have something like bipolar which is untreated, and you call her names, she may well act as you've described. But, as I said, hitting is not okay. I think you and your mother have a lot of work to do, so please see if you can find someone to help.