No negative please, I want positive...I want to get through this

[London2327]

I am at my ends and have no where I feel I can turn but here. I met a wonderful man a little over 2 years ago. We clicked and were very compatible; however, he was a few months fresh out of a almost 2 yr relationship and she had two kids. After 5 months of dating she started contacting him and I could tell he was confused. During these 5 months I also started to notice his bipolar tendencies, his anger, his self esteem, never feeling good enough, always having to prove himself. So I packed up his things and didn't look back about 3 months later u received a long email and a knock at my door, so we decided to work it out. Five months later we were engaged Dec2011 then he left 2 1/2 months later March. Then he was back in 2 weeks (end of march) & we got pregnant shortly after & lost our baby and he freaked leaving me to miss carry alone (first week of May). He was back three months later (august) and low and behold same exact story with the baby and him leaving again (last week sept/1st week Oct). Then low and behold he tries coming back around in Nov while away at work just talking through distance, then he flips out, then first week of Dec he is begging his best friend & my mom to come back he realized this is it I'm the love of his love he wants forever he'd marry me tomm. Well he finally got on medicine & realized his bipolar so u gave it a chance. Well the first 2 weeks he took it great till he got called offshore new years day and couldn't get a refill so the next 2 weeks he wasn't taking it right (splitting pills), he came home got a new bottle but skipped about twice a week & we were bickering here and there. Well feb 1 2013 in a fight while drinking he packs at 2am for the first time he ask for space I went to hug him he pushed me I slapped him, it freaked him out he went to leave his friends showed up and wouldnt let him drive so he faught with them (now when his friend showed up I left the house removing myself from his phase) he apparently fought with them & to him since it got that bad he packed and left, yes at 2-4am. Every time he leaves he swears its done and won't talk to me, but it always changes. This time I will say I think we had a lot of pressure with me still not over everything & I think I pushed. Now I'm asking him to stand by me and let me get counseling cuz when he's in his manic phase I won't walk away I push to much to be there and it makes it worst. I now realize & want to get help to succeed. He says i wont change its my nature, im not who i was. I feel like i just ruined my life with him, but i try to remind myself that all my insecurities that hes been complaining about are because of the past he bestowed on me, i was never weak like this. When he left i blew up his phone just for a talk, i know i am wrong i just for once want to get through a fight together than this whole break up back together cycle. He blocked my number again & says it for real this time:( I have stood by him for so long, I don't want to loose this. He knows his medicine is helping, but he doesn't really phase bipolar or admit his cycles till a lot of time has passed. Normal everyday couple issues around the household or like life or death to him, he feels he never makes me happy or is never good enough...& that is so not that case thats why I'm still here. He doesn't have a dad and a mom when she wants to. She & him fought and she hasn't spoken to him in 6 months it's how they function (she is also bipolar & his grandfather). I find every time this happens I shutdown and don't leave home, bathe, eat, anything. I did put my self in counseling the Monday morning, do you guys think I should stick with him and how do I get him back home? I don't want to give up on him, I know how much he loves me...he just proposed 2 weeks ago again, it's like he's scared:( I truly love him I think these last two years u just saw his potential I focused so much on getting him better, I forgot what I needed, who I was. He noticed this and told me he wants me happy. Please say there's a way to succeed... (there are so many good times in between I just can't recap everything, most ppl think when we're together we're perfect-also let me add he went through this cycle with 2 x's but he never proposed or stuck through like with me, how do u help someone see it's a cycle and to fight it?) sorry for the book, just hurt:( 

[gho7]

Such wise words here:
The best thing I can say, and it has stood the test of time, is this saying..
If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was...

FIGHT OR FLIGHT...? As part of the human or even the animal race... This is what we all come back and down to...

Serenity Prayer
Accept the things you cannot change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference...

Peace, hugs and Aroha (love) xXx

[gho7]

And your post is awesome too...

[gho7]

U said it so well...

[gho7]

Oh my goodness you poor person... You are my partner... But I'm sorry to say four years on we have a baby girl nearly three.. He has stood by so closely, supported me so well, been my rock but now walked out on our first year anniversary of engaged life.. On 13 Feb after I cooked the three of us three course dinner.. He walks away telling me I'm a loony.. Reminding me of the two times I've been institutionilised, pointing out by weaknesses and my (in)sanity and now questioning his own... He scared me, himself but most of all and worst of sell his/our little girl.. My illness/cycles have left him broken, our love broken and relationship is broken and so am I but I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE BREAK OUR LIITLE GIRL AND I WILL SET THEM ALL FREE EVEN SO IT BREAKS ME AND MY HEART TI SEEING EVERYTHING SO BROKEN AROUND ME... For my love for him and her... Let him go sweetheart... Becos he will break u but u will effectively break everything good around u if u choose to stay... Sorry, just saying it how I see it... If u choose to stay.. And he lets you prepare yourselves for much more pain and heartache.. Bipolar or not...! Ps. I have been now cleared of my Bipolar status by my own medical team but my hormones are so messed up I am very much like a cycling bipolar ii person and it is scary. Live and strength to you&yours xXx

[nomeglyttyr]

omg, I'm sorry I lost some words in that post. How does it make you feel when he leaves? Is what that sentence is supposed to read.

[nomeglyttyr]

I might not be offering what you're looking for, but I'm concerned. No where in your post did you talk about your feelings. How does it YOU when he leaves? What does he do to support YOU? He's putting you through a lot of his emotional stress and being bipolar does not excuse that, especially when it sounds like he is not supporting you in ways you are supporting him. I dated a guy who is borderline (I'm bipolar II) and I excused all of his emotional outbursts because of it. But that was really unfair for me because I never got emotional support. I wasn't even allowed to say I was in pain. It was abusive and his mental **** does not change that fact.

Basically it sounds like you're wanting advice as to how to help him but I'm also concerned for you. :/ You have just as much of a right to be supported and loved, to be able to set boundaries and have them respected, as him.

[Bubulous]

The best thing I can say, and it has stood the test of time, is this saying..
If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours.  
You have to be willing to give up control and really on fate.  It isn't easy and I struggle with it some days but it is necessary to live a happy life.
Doing this shows strength and if for some reason he doesn't come back it will make it easier to find closure...You have to prepare yourself for the possibility of him not coming back to appreciate it if he does.

[London2327]

World*

[London2327]

Would you have any advice on what to do, I want to speak to him so bad:( he blocked my phone number (not the first time) eventually reality sets in and when he looses that pride hell speak again...unblock me from fb or the phone. He deleted fb a few months ago, he made the choice on his own and I'm proud of him-he'd use it as a weapon and try to humiliate me but it fell back on himself. I keep wanting to email him, I've sent a few of these forums to maybe let him get some knowledge...I know why he's at work hell read stuff usually. So would you advice to leave him be or stay persistent? He always said my persistency is what he loves but this case I'm not thinking so, just miss him:( ---in 1 night, my works flipped & I can't let go:(---

[Bubulous]

Again if he is like me, he will come back.  It hurts to hurt somebody when you have no control over your mood.  I hope that he decides to learn more about bipolar but even with all I know, I still lose control over it from time to time.  The meds are important.  I recently experimented with coming off a med to see if it helped but it was an impulsive decision and it hurt me in the end.  i am back on it now and I can already tell a difference.  I will never try that again :(

[London2327]

Thanks for your comment I've been on other forums and it's mostly woman who have tried very hard with no sucess. I on the other hand, I'm looking for more insight to understand and what I can do to help in a manic phase. I tend to push and want to be nice & soothing. I finally (sad to say after so much time) I learned after how bad this got I just need to quietly walk away till he comes to me. I 100% believe if I would have done that he'd still be here. He finally realized he had something wrong & did the medicine thing for the first time over a month ago. However, he doesn't know much about bipolar or does any research at all. I want him back but he's in that phase of its done for good, this time I'm scared it is. He feels like he brings me down, he can't do anything right, hell never be good enough, he doesn't make me happy...he feels if it's not one thing it's another. When in my heart none of that is true:( I truly love him and wish he'd just stand by us through a fight and see it can be okay. He runs away from any issue with anyone Xing them from his life & no working it out...any advice what to do or how to get him back home? He's offshore now away at work (which is good no contact to ppl & he can think).

[Bubulous]

I was the exact same way and actually still am a little.  It is very difficult to be in a relationship with me because of the mood swings and how quick I get bored with a relationship, then want it back a few weeks later.  I cannot tell you what to do but I will tell you that when I was married was the most stable time for me and me and my wife made it 4 and a half years, which was a huge accomplishment for me.

I think the marriage thing does something to me and once I was in it I finally got someone that I knew wouldn't likely hurt me and couldn't leave me without a long process.   But this may not be the case for him.  That is why I said I can't advise but if you love him and you guys have been on and off for this long, perhaps consider it but if you are afraid than you may need to take a break and recharge your batteries.  It can be difficult to deal with us but it is hard to find yourself happy in a "normal" relationship after being with us.

Good Luck