I think I'm starting to get manic again, but I'm not sure. I spend half the day feeling amazing, like I'm walking on clouds and nothing can touch me, but then I start getting scared and confused. I feel like people are watching me or they're hiding things from me and lying, like they're conspiring against me. I also cry or get super angry over the smallest little things (ie dropping my phone) and it all changes every couple of hours or even minutes sometimes. I usually just get really happy and hyper and it just escalates or really angry and hyper, it isn't usually this all over the place so I'm just really thrown off.
FireFly, I'm about to sound patronizing: How cool that you are so mindful of all this and that you give a damn about balance. Here's why I know I'm not patronizing you: I've been like this for as long as I can remember. And I feel embarrassed about 'me' sometimes.
So are you heading towards a manic episode again? Well, what's manic for you may not be... You know where I'm going with that line. You know yourself (although I know that's subject to change dependent on your state of mind)...you know yourself well enough anyway to observe the changes and you don't feel comfortable. May I ask - are you concerned about 'being manic' (if that is what is happening) because you understand it to be bad for YOU, or are you concerned because you believe it is an undesirable state because of having learned thus?
I just hate how I feel once I get there, and I know from experience I won't be able to help myself once it's gotten to that point. I know it's bad for me, mostly because the last full on manic episode I had ended up with me in the hospital and very bad decisions made that I'm extremely embarassed about, so not fun times. There's probably some influence from my doctors lecturing me about telling them when I feel like I'm acting strangely or about how reckless I am when I'm like that, but I've learned for myself
It kind of sounds to me like a mixed episode/state. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_state_%28psychiatry%29 ) The anger/irritability and the feeling great are how I feel (sometimes) when I have mixed episodes. BTW, I have Bipolar I, but spend most of the time in mixed states or depressed than being manic.
I had an almost identical experience/symptoms last week, which ended in a manic event (I'm rapid cycling). Looking back, I don't know whether to lump those symptoms into a mixed event, or as a rapid-cycling precursor to a more intense event.
Thanks for sharing this here; the responses have been tremendously helpful.
Maybe it is mixed, I've been diagnosed as rapid cycling but this feels more like it's all at once in a way, or so fast that it pretty much is. Had a couple of really rough days but today's been a little better, but yeah I definitely am glad I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week
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