Paranoid

[Junet1228]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 24 years old (I know I've had it all my life I just was never taken to dr until it was sort of last resort) I've been married for the last 10 years (I am 32 years old) and from the moment that I started dating to now I've  always been tormented by the idea that my husband is having an affair. I have done the most horrible things to him. From very violent episodes to horrible mind games (and all this without an actual proof). I have been taking trileptal and lexapro since early 2006 and for a while this helped a lot. It took the edge off my highs and lows. I missed the highs but I was ok with the trade off. For some reason about a year ago this started to change I was again getting extremely paranoid it is like everything just indicates what I am thinking and I go crazy about it. Yesterday I had the most rude awakening he told me he wanted a divorce that he just couldn't handle this stress and abuse anymore. Of course, my initial response was how dare you you're just having an affair but let me give some example of the things I do to him. I make him send me random pictures doing specific things (like put two fingers up or close right eye) while he's at work because I don't believe he's there. I go through everything on his phone, I go through service provider's record in a weekly basis, I have a tracker on his phone, I check everything and it has been this bad for as long as we've been together (12 years!). I don't enjoy this I'm miserable and he is miserable. My therapist has no idea why my husband is still putting himself through this. I need new medication, this combination for some reason is not doing it anymore. I've been diagnosed by two different drs with bipolar disorder and I believe this to be accurate now (I didn't accept it for several years even though I was on medication). Please help! Can anyone relate? I am going to see different psychiatrist now for new evaluation and medication. If I don't get this under control I will lose my marriage and my family and that would be the end of me.

[Junet1228]

Thank you! Was I supposed to post this in a different place??

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I agree with you that you need a different treatment regimen, if this one isn't working.  I'm going to see about getting your thread moved to our bi-polar community.  I think they would have more specific advice for you there.

Very best of luck to you, hon...I hope you get some relief, and soon.