Parent(s) with Bipolar how it effects........

How does a Bipolar disorder effect parents and the well being of there children, especially if it is untreated!?
My step-daughters mom may have it, as I have done research and that is one main concern with taking care of her children properly.
I just would like some advice, maybe someone who knew a parent, parents like this.

I am pasting a bit of the definition and what is in brackets is what my husband usually experiences with her mom.

Signs and Symptoms of mania:
In the manic phase of bipolar disorder, feelings of heightened energy, creativity, and euphoria are common. [People experiencing a manic episode often talk a mile a minute], sleep very little, and are hyperactive. [They may also feel like they’re all-powerful, invincible, or destined for greatness.]
But while mania feels good at first, it has a tendency to spiral out of control. People often behave recklessly during a manic episode: gambling away savings, engaging in inappropriate sexual activity, or making foolish business investments, [for example. They may also become angry, irritable, and aggressive–picking fights, lashing out when others don’t go along with their plans, and blaming anyone who criticizes their behavior.] Some people even become delusional or start hearing voices.

we didn't realize this until it was mentioned and we did research. we want to make sure we go the right way of this, like making sure she is doing something about it so her children are safe etc. etc.

Like we know she is loving towards them, but making decisions for them, she hasn't been making very good ones.

[redrosesrsweet]

oh and it was mentioned in court.....as my step-daughter got placed in our care. but still has visits with the mom.

[ILADVOCATE]

It depends on the particular person and how they follow up with treatment and how severe the bipolar is. Family members including my mother have bipolar (she has cyclothymia which is mild bipolar) and were fine as parents. They did do better when they were on medication though. A person who has severe bipolar and doesn't take medication as prescribed would not really be an appropriate parent though. And any behavior that is abusive or neglectful is still considered that under the law regardless of cause. Visiting rights would have to be determined by a judge and if any destructive or inappropriate behavior still continues. A psychiatrist would have to evaluate as regards that.

[bernie40]

You say "may" have it - who has decided this?  I think it would be very unfair to start casting doubts on her ability as a parent when you have no definite diagnosis.  I should also say that "IF" she has it then there is no reason at all why she won't make a good mum.  How many so called parents out there treat their kids terribly and don't have apparent mental health issues.  If anything I would say that having her daughter taken from her would have made her feel pretty damn awful and would be enough to send any mother spiralling.

Would you be this concerned if the label were "depression"?

[hell1971]

I am a parent of 4 children, I have bipolar II, I was not medicated for 37years and didnt do a bad job. "normal" people can do a bad job of parenting too, I personally beleive my illness has brought diversity and joy and like anything it depends on the person not always the illness. Sure I have made decisions that may or maynot have effected them but so has any parent out there. It really does depend on how the illness effects the person as to wether this effects there parenting ability.

[bernie40]

well said hell1971.  I am also a mum of 4 and pregnant with my fifth.  I have only been on medication for 3 years.  My kids have had the benefit of learning about mental illness and will not grow up with the prejudices so often shown by others.

Yes I think it has benefited them.  I have never hurt my children, my behaviour has never directly impacted on them in a bad way.  They will grow up caring and understanding individuals who will accept that not everyone is the same and that nobody is perfect.

[redrosesrsweet]

this i sone concerns with her mother. there is other concerns.
my husband is trying to seek full custody on a final basis as he got it because childrens aid is involved with the mother.
i know that they want her to go to a doctor etc and see if she does.
but my husband has not been told if she does or how it is going. I don't know if he has the right to kno, but with all the mistakes she has made we feel that is something we should bring to court because if she does it is effecting the decisions she is making for her childrens, as she has another with someone else she is not with.
And we just want to make sure that she is doing the right thing so when she starts making desicions she will be more calm etc. if that ends up being the case.

[redrosesrsweet]

sorry he has temp custody right now because childrens aid society placed his daughter in our care

[bernie40]

in answer to your question then i would say emphatically that NO, having bipolar does not mean she is not able to care for her own child.  The bipolar spectrum is vast and even if someone is at the high end of the spectrum with psychotic violent behaviour, with medication there is no reason why the cannot live a perfectly normal life and have children.

You don't say why her daughter has been taken from her.  I would hope that everything has been done to try and facilitate her keeping her daughter.

[kissym83]

I am also a mother of 4, two are mine and two are stepchildren(which my husband has custody of) I am absolutly pissed off the way the "normal" people react to someone who has bipolar disorded. Last year when I first started having symptoms of bipolar before i knew what was wrong, it tore my family apart. my husband and i seperated filed for divorce and started the awful process of turning our childrens lives over to a magistrate. Of course when my diagnoses was brought up the idoit magistrate gave my husband temp custody. So I was only allowed to see my babies that were 3 and 5 every other weekend and they were going to make it supervised visits until my husband intervened. Since I was placed on litium and my moods have dramatically stablized my husband and i reconciled. now that we know what is going on we are much closer even than pre-bipolar us. Our whole family is closer and we are able to talk about how we feel openly...so it is a blessing in disguise in disguise in some ways. Please dont judge her ability to be a good mother. I am awsome 95% of the time. The other 5% I need help from friends and family. I know there are many other people who have kids that aren't half of the mom i am and to think that people worry about my ability ticks me off to no end! Just remember that a medical diagnoses does not define how any person lives their life... I do not let my being bipolar affect my kids lives at all. I have plans for when and if i am in an episode, and my kids lives go on as normal, they just see mamaw and papaw more for a few weeks! KIDS NEED THERE MOTHERS...even my stepdaughters need more time with thier mom and i wish she would step up and spend more time with them for their sake! Love that baby and comfort her and remember to tell her that it is not her fault that she cant see her mom. I know that it is probably hard but put yourself in her shoes... Legal battles are very traumatic on children. Put that baby first not your own judgemental feelings of her mother.

[redrosesrsweet]

well
like I said she may have bipolar and so far it obviuous effected her ability to take care of her children properly as the childrens aid files had 143 statments regaurding concerns about her.
Pages and pages of stuff. we know she is loving, but what choices she has made has been very poor and selfish ones.
Like for example, she would leave her kids with her boyfriend (at the time) while she went doing god know what for a few hours. and this guys had a court order stating he was not allowed around kids under the age of 16.
and then 95% of the time when my husband went to bring there daughter back to her, he either had to bring her to her grandmas because she wasent around, or he had to go searching for her, when she knew and this was disscust when and what time he would be bringing her back.
I do think if she does, which my husband had a best friend he has been friends with for 13 years that has bipolar, so he knows, it has effected her judgement.
and I think that if she gets treated, her mind will be set differently as in not arguing once things aren't her own way, and take FULL responsibilty of her children/
But i can understand what other bipolar parents are saying, because all you want to do is defend a bipolar parents, but there are ones who cant be in control until they control and face the fact that they have bipolar, which i think most of you say that when you are on medication for it you do feel better etc etc adn is able to be a good parent.

[lovingmotherof2angels]

I was diagnosed with bipolar depression in April 2008 after 1 suicide attempt. I did not believe it as I was in a physical, mental and sexual abusive marriage. I eventually walked out of that marriage and functioned very "normal" if you may, for the next 2 years. I cared for my boys, now aged 5 & 7 to the best of my ability. I am a registered ICU trained nurse and do not earn alot. I got married again in May 2010 to a wonderful husband that has shown me what love, respect and friendship really is. Shortly after we got married, with alot of trouble with my ex, I had a very severe manic episode whilst being out for the night, si it happened infront of family, friends and strangers. Ofcourse in that state I called my ex-husband unknowingly to come and fetch me so I can be with my children, most probably  because I thought they would calm me down. Obviously I couldn`t remember a thing when I came back to reality. I was not on medication then. I then went to see a psychiatrist that was working with my psyhcologist ( me and my kids were seeing her for some time already regarding the trauma of the divorce ). She started me on medication which had to be increased to max dosage over a few weeks. In that time I still had manic episodes at home, but never infront of  my kids. My husband made sure that they were somewhere else in the house, playing and not being able to hear or see me. He always tried to calm me down and tried to protect me from hurting myself as I became extremely aggressive, not towards others but towards myself. As soon as she had reached max dosage, she started to wean of the dosages again...which was the most idiotic thing she could do. These episodes carried on, believing her that the medication is only 50% of the healing, the other 50% was me wanting to change...as if I ever chose to be bipolar. She also said it will take about 6 months to see a difference.

I eventually attempted suicide in September. My kids were with me so I called a very close friend because I knew they would be safe with her. My husband was out visiting his kids for the day, he is 14 years older than me. I took an overdose of pills and came very close to dying but my friend found that the patio door was unlocked. I was admitted to hospital and was seen by a psychiatrist...my answer to these aweful things. She admitted me to Riverfield Lodge Clinic and I stayed there for 2 weeks. A very long 2 weeks without my husband & boys. I was discharged with the correct medication. Problem is, I never made a follow-up visit with my psychologist for every 2 weeks, I always had excuses. Eventually the stress of working long hours, only seeing my kids every 2nd week and the onslaughts from my ex-husband, became too much and on a Tuesday when I was home alone, hubby at work, kids with their dad, I od`d again. Thankfully the gaurds got to me somehow and I managed to give them my husbands number. They called him and he took me to the hospital. Again I was admitted and re-admitted to Riverfield Lodge. This time we were going to try ECT`S in combination with the meds. I had short term memory loss for some time but it went away and I started feeling much better. Before I was discharged we had a family meeting, where I invited my ex to join too, as he was my major trigger. He did not come. I also made a follow up with my dr for in a month`s time and my therapist within the next 2 weeks. While in the clinic my ex send me a letter from his attorney to say he wants full custody of our boys. My husband then spoke to him and we came to an agreement that for the time being till December the boys would stay with him and I would see them every 2nd weekend, in order for me to get my life back together. The agreement was that if I remain stable the boys would go back to the normal routine as per div contract

I was awarded PRIMARY PLACE OF RESIDENCE when I got divorced, the only thing that I really got out of our divorce. After I was discharged my ex told me that he has enrolled the boys into a schoolof his choice in the neighbouring town where he stays. I eventually agreed to it since I was not working at that stage and did not think it would be a problem. I started working again on the 11th of Nov.Still seeing therapist and dr. Taking my meds every single morning and night.I gave the kids schooling alot of thought and realised that again my ex got just what he wanted and that me and my boys will bear the consequences. I e-mailed him and explained my concerns. I would have to wake my boys up @ 5am, leave home @ 6am, drop them off at another school`s early care or at his house, leave there atleast 6:25am to get to work by 6:45am. It was unfair for the boys to wake up so early and then wait till about 6pm when my husband would be able to get there, nevermind driving back in that traffic. My ex works from home most of the times and has very flexible hours. He has for the last year travelled up & down from Kemptonpark to Midrand every day of every 2nd week. We moved closer & stay in Boksburg, closer to work, closer to a school for the boys and closer to their dad so no one has to travel too far and my boys get to sleep until about 6:30am before my husband will take them to school, around the corner from us. My ex obviously hated the idea & said he already paid a deposit at the school in Kemptonpark. I then reminded him that he never got my permission fopr the enrollment of the boys into that school, that I never had the opportunity to go look at the school before he enrolled them and that primary place of residence is with me, meaning that the boys have to go to school in the town where I stay. Ialso called that school several times a day for nearly a week and a half to make sure whether he paid the dep or not. Everytime I got the same answer: NO. I then went to see Legal Aid Board of SA and they advised me to act within my divorce contract in terms of place of residence and the fact that I e-mailed him to tell him he can go to the school with me or seperately, which he refused to do. I went and enrolled the boys and paid the dep of the schoolfees, which he should pay in full acc to div contract. I acted in this way making sure my kids still get a place in a school before their pvt school closes on the 3rd of Dec and before the start of the new schoolyear. He was lying anyway, trying to manipulate me by saying he already paid.

Now all of a sudden he is trying to take the boys away from me claiming I am an unfit mother due to me being bipolar and should I do anything, his attorney would get an urgent Supreme Court intedict against me, giving him full custody. I consulated an attorney, he told me what to reply on the ex`s attorney`s letter. In the letter I received from his attorney, not yet passed by any court, stipulated that Im only allowed to pick my kids up from his house between 4-6pm, and not at their school like I have always done so in the past. I then decided today to go to the police station and lay a charge against him, denying me access to my children and not acting within the div contract, the ONLY legal document up to now.

Now all of a sudden I am unfit to be a mother just because he can`t get his way with the school issue. If I was really such a bad mother and he had the boys` best interest at heart, why did he not then with the 1st letter from his attorney, took things further and applied for custody? If he did it then he might have gotten it right as I was in the clinic then. Again he was also manipulating me while being vulnerable & under intensive treatment. Worst of all, on Tuesday 1 Dec his attorney send a letter to their current school, mentioning that I have bipolar.

I would like to know what you think of this whole case? What am I to do and will I loose custody of my boys? Can I be seen as an unfit mother due to the fact that I have bipolar/  I need this URGENTLY please.

Thank you. Loving mom of 2 angels.

[ILADVOCATE]

   Yes laws regarding this are complex but clearly as you've pointed out you have stabilized and acted in the children's best interest. Also his attorney should not have disclosed to the school that you have bipolar. I think they may have acted inappropriately there but it would be essential to obtain appropriate legal representation who could explain to you the exact laws and how they would apply to you and the next step to take. Keep a formal record of everything that is happening in the meantime though.