Please help me understand - Lies or Confusion???

[vsantos]

      Many of you know my story. Husband diagnosed 11 months ago with BP, had a Major Manic Episode (tried to commit suicide), Psychotic/Paranoid for at least 3 months. Was on meds (Risperdal and Depakote) for only 6 months and abruptly stopped. Taking no meds now.
    He left home 1 months ago. He wanted to separate and there was nothing his family and I could do!
     The one thing that still Puzzles me is that since he was Psychotic (and of course 'making things up' I wouldn't call them lies...) even now he tries to either 'twist' the truth, or 'hide' facts, or even lies about things.
     I'm confused. If due to the fact that he didn't get at least a Year of meds and stopped, that he still has symptoms...or if his 'new' state of mind will be this, the lies, hiding etc...
     My husband has been the most trust worthy person I have ever met (we've been together for 13 years!).
     His lies make it very difficult for me to trust him with our 3 year old. At this point I don’t  even let him stay with our daughter by himself---but of course I want things to change and I want him to take our daughter out without me being to worried about her welfare (if he was treating himself things would be less difficult!)....
   Any thoughts!  

[SurfRake]

My dedicated wife of (then) eight years was 6 months pregnant with our second child when she said I had to either deal with my mental illness or leave. Though she loved me and knew the girls would be better with a Dad around, she could no longer deal with the atmosphere of delusion, combativeness, and having to spend all her time and energy being a counselor and trying to negotiate my crises when she also had to work and provide a warm environment for the kids.

I was blown away. I didn't have any problems. I was manic. I was extraordinary, brilliant, powerful. But once she said that, I had to listen to all the things I'd done, about my disposition, my delusionary behavior, my abusive tone. She was right. I sought help rather than lose what was most impt to me.

From that experience, I can only say being forthright, maintaining your priorities, and, as the other posts advise, do what you know is right by your child and you. It may or may not help your husband see things as they are, but for now you it sounds like your best alternative.

[BeeKeeper]

Another thought to keep in mind...sometimes the state of psychosis drives a person to make decisions that they would not normally make.  Those decisions can put them in places and circumstances they would not normally be in.  When they 'come back' to themselves, they're ashamed.  They don't want to tell the truth for fear of being found out or ridiculed.  Even worse, whatever took place while in psychosis has created a personal situation that they don't know how to get out of and they don't feel they can talk about it - so the lies cover their confusion until they can some how work it out.

Until he can hope to cope with whatever is in his mind, and to hopefully deal with the reason he feels he needs to lie or hide things,  He has to get help through medication and therapy.  I know that's a tough order when you are the partner trying to convice someone of this.  however, if not for you, perhaps he will be compelled to do so for/by his daughter.

Best of luck!

[Xila31]

I think the first step here is to take a step back and think about what psychosis is.

First off, when you are psychotic you are not "making things up" although the things you are talking about, etc. are not true. A psychotic episode is one in which you lose touch with reality. That means you are actually seeing / hearing / believing things that are not real, but you absolutely and 100% see them, hear them, believe them. It is your very mind and your ability to perceive the world going out of wack and basically attacking you. You don't just wake up one morning and decide, "I'm going to tell everyone that I'm the all powerful super wizard from planet x today." And if you are the type of person who decides that, that is a whole other basket of kittens....

So let's say you're a person who just happens to believe that not only are the aliens coming to get you, but you actually have seen them standing around in your yard. You have heard their spaceship hovering over your house at night. You just know that they are coming to get you and you are trying to find any means necessary to stop them. This is not a lie. You're not making it up. This is really happening to you, but in your head and there is no way that you can stop it.

Now, that's a pretty obvious delusion and set of hallucinations. But not all psychotic thoughts are that far out. Believing that the very people you love are trying to murder you for example, or that your boss is out to destroy your life, etc. So, in a person with untreated psychosis, they are suddenly living with the people who have become, in their heads, "the enemy." And they are not making it up, their brains have turned against them. :(

Would you tell the truth to your enemy? Would you be an open book? If you just barely came out of this break with reality do you think it would be easy to trust the people who you thought were against you?

I can tell you that, even now, almost 5 years after my last memories of my psychotic episode are behind me, when I saw that building that I thought was evil, it sent chills down my spine. It made all these memories I had burried somewhere in my head come flooding back unexpectedly. It was like getting hit with a ton of bricks. But, this time, I looked at it with healed eyes. I knew that whatever danger I thought was there was not real.

So, it is up to him to get treated and get help at this point. Your only concern should be your daughter's safety if that is a concern. If he has left you and refuses treatment, I don't know what you can do. But perhaps you should check out NAMI in your area if you have not already to get you and your daughter back on track.