Greetings! I have been off of a BP roller coaster ride since late last Summer, or maybe I am just on the bottom part, not sure. I was dx with BP years ago and have never really taken medication for any extended period of time, atleast in the last 15 years. As a teen, I went to a juvenile delinquent place where I was put on Prozac for about a year. I had taken Paxil for about 2 years prior to that, and really haven't taken anything since. I am not sure what causes the mania stages, and have only had 2 that I can recall. One around age 27 and one at age 35. Both times there were big life/relationship changes going on. I had what I would call a text-book example of a BP episode: didn't require much sleep, exaggerated confidence, felt like I had boundless energy, I had people all around me and felt like the life of the party. I was also drinking often and smoking a lot of weed. I had been smoking since I was a teen, and drinking socially for about the same amount of time. Towards the end of this most recent episode, the weed started to make me paranoid and more isolated. I have smoked maybe 5 times since last October. Now, I am in this rut of depression and am having trouble getting on with it. I have plenty to be happy about, and have a weird guilt about being depressed in the first place. I have a teenage son who has a barrage of his own issues. I am in weekly one on one counseling, but am wondering if I shouldn't try an anti-depressant again. I no longer smoke or drink and am trying to build a relationship with God. I also feel like an *** talking about myself so much. I would appreciate advice or just someone to share their similar experience. Thanks for reading.