Rage. Off Meds. Do I Really Need Them?

Ok, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder since Sept. of 09. My mother thinks ive been this way alot longer than that.
but anyways, it took me forever to find the right combination of meds to take to get me under control. I was on an anti depressant, anti convulsant,and a mood stablizer.
As of May, i had stopped taking all of my meds. I was getting sick all the time, i gained so much weight it was sickening.
So, i have noticed that my rage has been acting up. BADLY! i know i am going to have to mention it to my doctor the next time i see him. i know this sounds gross to the guys, but i am on birth control for my PMDD, and my cycles have been off for quite a while, but when i finally got one this last time, i had SEVERE mood swings/anger. Everything was pissing me off. All it took was someone saying something, doing something wrong, having to repeat myself, over and over, act the wrong way, something doesnt go the way i want it too. I was on my anti depressant the last time i had a cycle, and this last one i wasnt, so im all parinoid that i need the depressant to control my issues.
BUT, unfortunatly, when i went off, my rage issues have not ceased.
My social anxiety hasnt changed any. when i go out in public, it doesnt take much to set me off. and believe me, i am one of those people that expresses my anger well when people tick me off. I hate being in public. i always get enraged. it embarresses the people that im with all the time. im really bad when it comes to road rage. especially when i am in my car. and when someone else is driving it. i usually end up leaning over and laying on the horn, or i roll down the window and give the bird and scream some sort of profanity.
i was wondering what i need to discuss with my doctor, or if i need to consider my meds again.

[healthgal42]

get back on your meds. if the meds you are on now causing weight gain and that is a concern for you than tell the dr and tell him or her you want to be put on either a lower dose or something similiar that wont cause weight gain. i know how you feel. that is a big concern of mine too. but stopping meds especially with bipolar is very dangerous. hope that helps.

[lindahand]

If you are reaching over while someone else is driving to lay on the horn your anger is out of control and you need some help. You are a danger to others. If you don't want to get medicinal help you need to invest in some cognitive behavioral therapy. Living like that is no way to live. If you get put back on meds and are worried about weight maybe ask to see a dietician. We can't control our hunger, but we can control what we eat when hungry. You have to eat a hell of a lot of carrot sticks to get fat.

[Chris6588]

Thanks for the comments. Unfortunately, i was afraid of the idea. i know its terrible.
Linda, i know, its HORRIBLE! i dont know why, its just when it comes to my car, i freak. BAD. I have tried self help books, and anything i could think of.  

[Xila31]

The sad thing about having to take meds is that you're depressed, so they give you a med that makes you fat, and that is depressing....

But, your anger is a serious issue. So yeah, I would discuss it with your doctor. Being able to control your anger is very important in life. Exercise and a good diet will also contribute to wellness overall, including your bipolar. So even if you're on meds you don't have to just give in and be fat. If you work at it, it will help, even if not 100%.

I hope you feel better. It's not fun to be in a dark place.

[Chris6588]

i had a talk with my family that i needed to talk to my doctor about the issues ive been having.
i didnt get much feed back. . at least the kind i expected.
they said its 'normal' for people to have outbursts once in a while, and have anger, and all that crap. i need to talk things out more.
they think because ive been off my meds for so long that i am 'fine' and i may not have the issue to begin with.
now im all confused. i mean, ive been in denial for a long time, but i just dont know. i guess denial plays in some part of why i stopped. but, when im off the meds, there are times that i 'feel' that i need it .
does that make me an addict? am i addicted to a fast cure to my issues?
i mean, there are times i really can not control myself. i really hurt the person around me. esp. my boyfriend. i get so mean. and lately, it just doesnt take much at all to get me going. all i have to do is see something on facebook about things he can not control, or someone does something, he acts a certain way, says something, i FREAK!
i mean, they want me to 'talk' things out, but sometimes the things i have to say, really hurts, especially when its towards them, or something they care about. then it becomes a hurtful event, and a hard feelings type issue.
ive been reading some of peoples posts and reading their descriptions of their others, and i start crying because i realize that i have been like that all along, and havent changed.
i dont like being this way. its bad for everyone around, but for me, its torture.

[Chris6588]

what bothers me is, lately, ive been getting the flight mode. ive been getting fed up with everything around me, and all the situations around me, that i just dont want to be here anymore. two times now, ive almost done it. i dont know if that makes me weak, that i havent, or what. i mean seriously, i was in the car, had my favorite radio station on, and i wanted to just keep going. i was so fed up with everything, and i felt good just listening to the music i enjoy.
i just dont know what to do. .

[Bubulous]

You likely not only need medicine but some other treatments as well.  I have some homework for you:

Go sit in nature by yourself and totally relax for a while.  Journal about your thoughts and feelings every morning and sometimes at night.  Try some meditation like yoga or guided meditation.  The medicine only assists you in your ability to do these relaxing things.  The medicine is not a fix, it is just there to allow you to work on yourself when your mind is not strong enought to do it on your own.

I wish you the best of luck and I have a yoga page under my profile and I will post homework on here as much as I can......starting today.