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Rollercoasters, anyone like being on one?
by zzzmykids, Oct 27, 2009 04:09AM
I am not new here. Most of the time write answers rather than pose questions. So much pain going down on the rollercoaster and so much fear. I try to stay calm, stressfree and just in a zone of contentment. Right now daughter getting married, her new inlaws are a doozy, she is a control and anger freak....the mom and the dad is most likely an alcoholic to say the least. The new son in law, whom I love, has anxiety and daily medicated. He pouts, is used to being ungrateful for expensive dinners and expresses how the waitstaff treats us. I called him on it last night, it was really getting to me and I reminded who invited him to OUR anniversary dinner and I'd appreciate him remembering his manners as someone else was footing the bill. Then tonight, he was talking bad about a lady that obviously needs professional counseling and just going on about how their group leader should throw her out. I let him know that she needed help and he ought to be tender and show Christlike love rather than judgement. He pouted but did not talk back to me...he never does...which is good in most cases. Then on the way home tonight from dinner at my other daughters house, it was me, my husband and one getting married daughter. She had made a comment at dinner about me and it was really disrespectful and I called her on it. We had long talk...this is usual since she was about eight. My bp showed its ugly head most on her. My manic is angry and manipulative and my low is deep and for days without leaving the bed and sometimes months. I was not medicated all her life until she was in her final years of h.s. So she knows the rollercoaster. Does not respect me and is a lot of the time hostile and guarded with me.
I realized besides her being angry for things we did not find out that happened to her at 6 and17 she had me to deal with. Her sister is even going and avoids confrontation at all costs. This one goes head in and thinks we are equals, no boundaries between mom and daughter. Ranting, sorrry, but falling, falling into the pit. I have so much guilt. Now don't want her to marry him but can't allow myself to meddle at this late date and lateness in her life, 27. I just want to be able to be a mom she can love unconditionally, respect and come to with all the garbage I know about but she is unaware that I do, and the new garbage. I want closure on the before medications. I want off the rollercoaster I get on when she and I have a fight....Before she leaves and becomes a wife with her own home and family. Any other bp mom feel this guilt, have a strongwilled daughter they seem to never be on the same page with? I hate it. I want a "do over". Other daughter is probably, as her husband says, "The most emotionally healthy person he knows." How did I do so well with one and the other I knew was a gift, pregnant with her ten days after a tubal pregnancy removal and when I was not to have anymore, how did I screw her up and ride this rollercoaster with her for so long?
zzzmykids
I realized besides her being angry for things we did not find out that happened to her at 6 and17 she had me to deal with. Her sister is even going and avoids confrontation at all costs. This one goes head in and thinks we are equals, no boundaries between mom and daughter. Ranting, sorrry, but falling, falling into the pit. I have so much guilt. Now don't want her to marry him but can't allow myself to meddle at this late date and lateness in her life, 27. I just want to be able to be a mom she can love unconditionally, respect and come to with all the garbage I know about but she is unaware that I do, and the new garbage. I want closure on the before medications. I want off the rollercoaster I get on when she and I have a fight....Before she leaves and becomes a wife with her own home and family. Any other bp mom feel this guilt, have a strongwilled daughter they seem to never be on the same page with? I hate it. I want a "do over". Other daughter is probably, as her husband says, "The most emotionally healthy person he knows." How did I do so well with one and the other I knew was a gift, pregnant with her ten days after a tubal pregnancy removal and when I was not to have anymore, how did I screw her up and ride this rollercoaster with her for so long?
zzzmykids
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we had the rollercoaster family....still do.
I admire you correcting your soon to be SIL...he sounds ignorant and spoiled to me.
I don't think you can warn your daughter, love is too blind at the begining she will soon see him for the baby he is....terrible for her that it probably won't be until after they are married.
this family is going to get the best of you!....I think one day after the wedding you will let loose on them.
take care