Bipolar Disorder Community
Shutting people out...
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Bipolar Disorder is also known as "Manic Depressive Disorder". This forum is for questions and support for people with, or for loved ones of people with Bipolar Disorder. The forum covers topics ranging from Aggressive Behavior, Affect on friends and Family, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Appetite Changes, Chronic Pain, Denial, Depression, Difficulty Concentrating, Euphoria, Guilt, Manic Depression, Medications, Mood Swings, Poor Judgment, and Sleep Disorders

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Shutting people out...

Does anyone else shut down emotionally when people try to get to close to them? I can’t maintain friendships because I don’t trust people. Even with meds my moods are always up and down, and I find interacting with people impossible because I can’t keep appointments, and I always decline invitations to go out. It’s so frustrating….the urge to be around people never lasts more than a couple hours. I've been this way for 6 years.
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301447_tn?1284331357
Oh my goodness i thought I was the only one. That is me to the T. And my meds as well doesnt help the situation either. My guard is always up and never come down regardless of who it is.  I have no social life, I am always indoors and when people invites me to events I dont go to.  I am not even going to go there with relationships because they dont exist with me. so no ur are not alone in this. It is frustrating to the max!!!
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402739_tn?1203541958
same problem here. i have major trust issues and i have a problem with making friends. even when i try, i seem to mess it up. try talking to a therapist i guess, that's my last resort.
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Avatar_n_tn
Dido. I am the same way. On the internet on the other hand I can talk to people all day, I think there is a safety in knowing that I can just delete someone who gets to close. I dunno.
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Avatar_f_tn
Here too. I don't trust people and probably more importantly I don't feel I can trust my own moods. There"s a huge stigma with this disorder and I just don't feel like anyone understands. The closer I allow someone to be to me the more they see the instability in my moods. I am medicated, but like you, I too still struggle.
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Avatar_f_tn
It's me, too.  I'm very successful at work where I have to deal with people but when it comes to making, and especially keeping, friends, I have a really hard time.

I go as far as penciling in times when I will contact a "friend".  If it's on the calendar, I usually can manage it.  I do a lot of lunches, too.  It's a finite amount of time and there is eating to do.
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Avatar_f_tn
Do you have a facebook? it helps me because no one can see you (unless you use a webcam) and you can think about what you'll say before you say them, and can delete comments unlike real life.

i hope this helps
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1211960_tn?1272978102
Medication can only help chemical imbalances not behavior concerns. Not wanting to go out and shutting people out is a behavior concern. Are you in therapy? Therapy may help with a concern like this. Also this could be a sign of social anxiety.

I have a little bit of social anxiety and I take Paxil to help me with it. I also have mood dependent behavior where I break plans if my mood changes.


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899491_tn?1243777227
I distant myself from people when I'm psychotic. It's only with people I don't know. I only trust my husband and my children when I get psychotic.
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952564_tn?1268372247
I try not to have many friends. It's just easier. You never know when people are faking, so I tend to stay away. I've been hurt a lot and I think that's why I feel that way.
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Avatar_m_tn
Unfortunately what everyone of you are going through serves a positive for me. Like a lot of you, i thought i was the only one and literally going crazy!! I'm glad that a lot of us found out that we weren't the only one because it truly helps, it's actually a relief! I have yet to be diagnosed but i am 100 % sure i am BP from talking to others who are diagnosed and i am making an appointment with my family physician. Over the past year and a bit i have slowly and completely tried to keep myself from the rest of the world because i feel more comfortable that way. I used to be very outgoing and was always with my friends. At this point im pushing everyone away and im not completely sure why. All i know is that i prefer to be alone although i dont have any trust issues that some of you are experiencing. Aside from this i encounter every other symptom of BP. For me this is the first step in the right direction and im hoping you all will be strong and get through this as well. Be patient and stay close to God! God Bless!
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1255530_tn?1269871219
of course your not alone I feel that way alot too hun but it comes and goes so I can get out sometimes. Mine is social anxiety disorder and paranoia that causes mine. I hope you and your pdoc can find a combo to overcome that for you. Iv missed out on so much of my life worrying and being scared and untrusting  it just not worth it.  
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Avatar_m_tn
During episodes of psychosis I intentionally distance myself from people because being around people stresses me out more the more I'm psychotic but at the same time I hate it.
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1134609_tn?1269275800
To be very honest, I just don't enjoy peoples' company all that much and I never have. It was never anything born out of my illness; it's just who I am. I guess my problem has always been that when I am in a social environment, I want to have conversations that aren't really appropriate those settings; I really enjoy discussing politics. I don't like ARGUING over politics or other touchy subject, but I want to have conversations that are deep and broad. I just can't stomach most normal, mindless chit-chat, for whatever reason.

A part of that is due to the illness as I have become very adept at researching ALL kinds of topics when I am laid up. When I'm having a down depressive episode, I spend my time scouring the internet, going over every topic imaginable.

When my moods are swinging, I do like to talk to people. But they are my close group of friends and we have one-one conversations about anything other than mental illness. I just need the distraction from it. But, in order to get that distraction, I really need need 'intellectual' stimulation.

For example, I was having a rough patch awhile back and was over at a friend's house for a birthday party. A group of us were having a fantastic discussion about religion; a truly neutral conversation that was really, really helping me get out of my head. BUT, someone else jumped into the conversation and brought up snowboarding.. I tried to sway the conversation towards my naturalistic philosophy behind why I enjoy the skiing, snowboarding, and the outdoors in general. They looked at my like I was an alien because I didn't want to talk about the new snowboard that was out on the market and whatnot.

Needless to say, it irritated the h-ll out of me because I was getting good social interaction that was keeping me out of my head. I had to excuse myself from the situation and I haven't been a big fan of large social gatherings since.
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952564_tn?1268372247
The big thing that happens to me is that I'm talking about something really interesting to me and the group just sort of changes the subject. And since I tend to have pressured speech a lot. It is hard to just sit there and listen. I am a story teller; a narrator. That's my natural way of being. If I hear something that reminds me of something I want to tell the story of it in a detailed and captivating way. It's in my blood. But, others don't see it that way. They see my leaps and bounds of conversation as weird, annoying, and strange enough to just sort of turn away and talk about other things.

That's fine. I don't really like parties or stuff like that. And my family is better. I think they're used to me talking too much and how to get me to stop.
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1134609_tn?1269275800
I have only had 'fun mania' a few times; my speech gets very pressured and I remove myself from social situations. I have to do so because I have a very hard time controlling what I say when I'm manic and I can be offensive. Plus, I know that I am acting out of the ordinary and I really, really hate that when I'm having some kind of episode.

I enjoy smaller social situations; my wife and I double date quite often and have a pretty good time. But, it really needs to be low key for me to enjoy it. I have a close friend who has really been pushing us to join he and his girlfriend for a night out at a local comedy club. It'd just be too much for me; I don't like big social gatherings, much less gatherings at a bar.
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1317254_tn?1274154386
When I get depressed the fear of any kind of rejection becomes overwhelming and I find myself avoiding social settings. I'm afraid of saying something that gets that awkward "what?" stare from people or feeling like I am not "fitting in". I also shut out my husband and I can never figure out why because that is when I need help from him the most, but I am too afraid of any kind of negative response that I shut down.
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Avatar_m_tn
I can totally relate to what you are saying.
I don't trust people, can't read people. Worry thtt if they get too close they will notice my inconsistencies and disappear, which happens most of the time.
My speech is also pressured when under stress and I couldn't care for chit chat.
I also love learning about all sorts of things on the internet. It's far more interesting at home.
I also have a different way of looking at things, and they do get annoyed by my off-the -mark conversation.
Sigh.
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1134609_tn?1269275800
Honestly, I don't really bother much with trusting people anymore. And it's not that I distrust people; I just don't care if I trust them or not. I don't open up about being BP to people anymore and it's not out of fear or mistrust. It's because people aren't educated about mental illness and, even if they are, they'll still never understand it because they've never dealt with it.

I keep in communication with my close friends, even when things are going well; texting is GREAT for that. I have only shut one person that I was close to out and it was because she was self-destructive and I grew weary of it.

Part of my problem is that I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor. Even when I keep it in check, people still don't like it. Well, they either don't like it or they don't get it.

I don't mind if there is some mundane chit-chat going on. But, I'm not going to spend my entire night involved in it. It doesn't matter what frame of mind I am in, I am just not going to involve myself in it. I have a few friends that I used to play a lot of billiards and horseshoes with but I couldn't stomach anymore. You play with them and they're always running their mouths and acting stupid. It's just playful, but it's obnoxious, especially when a 30 year old is doing it.
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Avatar_m_tn
I am the same way.  I have the ability to read people and figure them out within 10 minutes if I am going to trust or like them.. I don't trust many people and love being by myself most days.  Your not alone stay strong
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