So I can't sleep and I'm acting like a crazy person
I had trouble going to sleep last night and tonight I couldn't sleep. I've given up on trying to sleep for now, because every time I try and I don't fall asleep I get upset. I've been sleeping great for weeks for about 12 hours per night, falling asleep within 10 min. Which is what I need, now I can't sleep even after an hour period. I live with my parents and when I can't sleep I act like a monster. I scream and throw things trying to wake my parents up. Somehow I think it will help me fall asleep. Even though It doesn't usually do anything but make my parents hate me more and make me hate myself. I don't know why I act this way, but I hate not being able to sleep. It makes me feel suicidal and I cut myself. I find lack of sleep physically painful. One period of my life I couldn't sleep for days and it physically hurt. My eyes burned, my head hurt and I kept zoning out and felt like all around ****. I've heard anyway call lack of sleep painful. I know sleep deprivation is a form of torture, so it must be. I really need mental help and to calm my mind. I get into this mindset where I think I can't sleep and them when I go to bed I can't because I psyched myself out. I don't want to do this to my parents anymore, am I manic or something? I hate the way I treat my parents when I can't sleep. It hurts them more than it hurts me. I hate myself so much right now.
I can not advise you.. I can only share with you my experience.I would say it is time for a med check with your Dr.....You are obsovely in a distructive pattern and needs adressing. Anytime we lean toward self harm it is time to act....There are so many little ,yet important things you can do to prepare yourself for sleep and emotional stability... The #1 Most Important is NO ALCOHOL...OR DRUGS.... Some form of exercise during the day, if nothing more than swift walking. Getting outside is a great way to visually distract yourself and interject some natural beauty. No caffeine after 6pm.... try some herbal tea (warm) before going to sleep.. A warm bath before bedtime is good, helps you to calm down... turn the voulune down on the TV.. better yet Turn It Off.. after your bath and dim the lights... all this triggers the body that it is time for sleep... light reading or meditation of some sort.....I personally if I am cycling will take 3 (1mg) melatoin as I head to bed.......All of these or any combination of these will help move the energy... work on changing your relationship with your Bi-Polar.... . We can be very creative and loving people when we keep ourselves healthy.....Have your B-12 checked if you have not done so. We normally run low......All these things you can do even while feeling crappy... You don't have to be feeling good and you don't have to like doing these things....what is most important is that you give it a try.....I strongly have to finish with a strong suggestion to see your Dr.......
Are you on any sleep meds at this time? The only thing I can advise is talking to your doctor, if you have one or going into treatment for a med change if you have insurance. Yes it could very well be mania. Were you diagnosed with bipolar and if so how long ago was it?
My last doctor told me that bipolar could also be called hyper-sensitivity. I have cut myself too and the last time I did it was when I was manic and in treatment. This was about 3 months ago.
I am on a mood stabilizer and it also helps me fall asleep. I have been taking it for about 4 months and there were only 3 nights that it didn't work for whatever reason. If you continue not getting any sleep you could start hallucinating and when it gets to that point you will either find yourself in a psych hospital, in jail, or worse. Please seek help from a professional.
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