It's a big deal to me because I don't like asking for help.
When I'm low I can't bring myself to do it and when I'm high I don't feel I need it.
But I got myself there. Asked for help. I have a suicide attempt on my notes. Years of therapy despite only being seventeen. Told her I was feeling pretty ******. I needed something. Anything. That I was getting to that stage again. To rock bottom.
She said there was no magical cure. That she wasn't going to give me any meds. That I should deal with it. And said it all with a smile on her face. She had my notes. Can you really send a proven suicidal person away when they ask for help with nothing? I mean nothing.
I'm on no medication and I feel like the world is swallowing me up.
This can't be right...
I've simmered down somewhat... I just have a hard time admitting I'm not coping and when it gets all thrown back in your face I kinda just want to scream.
Meds make my head dizzy and I've never wanted to take them. But therapy is longwinded, patronising and certainly doesn't help. There's nothing really left but to give it another whack. I don't think I have enough money to buy a million stress balls.
Hi, no email notification that you'd posted - sorry Auden. Just came online to check see if my threads had additional comments.
In my experience, talking is RIGHT when you feel it's right. Meds, well that's another story. I know people who seem to have really benefited from them and even thrive. My own experience, not so good. I choose not. I'm not against them.
I hope that you get the opportunity to talk to someone who isn't going to 'try to make it all better' with that patronisation you allude to. Someone who isn't afraid of you and your feelings either. I've found that hard at times - when the counsellor, therapist etc, is visibly and palpably nervous or unconfident.
Antidepressants are falling out of favor among some doctors so that may be why she didn't give you anything. Some of the newer research is saying that they are as effective as a placebo - although some research is saying they do work for moderate to severe depression, but they are generally bad news to someone with bipolar disorder as they can send you into mania or rapid cycling.
To send you away without a therapists referral at the very least is malpractice in my mind. You don't mention a bipolar diagnosis so this may only fit if you are bipolar. You may want to see another doctor, and ask about a mood stabilizer. Lamotrigine for example is supposed to be pretty good with bipolar depression although it takes a while to titrate up.
You may want to try the book "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr. David Burn. It is cognitive behavioural therapy. The older edition I found easier to read than the newer one. I think the newer one was just a cash grab. If you have a mild to moderate regular depression cognitive behavioural therapy is as successful as antidepressant therapy for depression with better long term results.
I still get depressed but it is much easier for me since working through the book. I am a lot less hard on myself about it.
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