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794366 tn?1418009395

Stressed out

Before the holidays began my depression meds stopped working and now I am not doing well. My daughter and I help manage my mother's care giver situation. We hire, train the care givers. I shop for her once a week and do her pill boxes. She has early onset Parkinson disease dementia. We have no help from other family members. The situation is very stressful for the both of us. I have been to see my psychiatrist a few times and told him how severely depressed I am and how I struggle from minute to minute on a daily basis, but all he gives me are anti-psychotic or anti-seizure meds which are not working. I have bipolar depression and they put me on the lowest dose of lithium and I was zombied out and it had a very strange reaction with my thinking so I quit. I tried to see my counselor but it doesn't seem to help. I bought a book on mindfulness and I am trying to incorporate it into my daily life. This is so hard and I am struggling. Anyone else out there in a similar situation?
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6726276 tn?1421126668
Yes I struggle with bipolar disorder and ADHD.
I take 20 mg ( the lowest dose) of vyvance. Then 1/2 of .05 mg klonipin 2x Per. Day. At night Im on Geodone for the mood stabalizer and adivan both lowest dose.
I've been on this treatment plan for about a year. I can focus better. Before I was starting loads of projects and finishing none. It's a little harder to fall asleep as I'm used to the knock out punch of the Seraquel that I used to take.
  I'm steady at my dosages and haven't felt the need to increase mg. also I have not burnt out on this combo. So far so good.
   I'm glad they're addressing your thyroid. To start a new thread just pose a question in that box. Then expand on it a little in second box. Just like you started this one. Sleep well. Maxy
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794366 tn?1418009395
You are certainly right about failure. Without failure we don't know the meaning of hard work and striving to a goal and overcoming the obstacles to get to that goal.
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794366 tn?1418009395
I have already been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and am taking meds for it. and get the thyroid level tested annually.
I have Bipolar II hypomania)...do you have that too? If you do what meds are you on?
Thank you for all your kind words and support...I really do appreciate it.
I don't understand about starting a new thread? About what new subject matter?
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1551327 tn?1514045867
Good Luck with the dr.
I know this is a stressful time and I am sorry for you.  I am glad that you are facing this together.  I hope she understands that failure is not a bad thing.  If we never fail than we never learn to succeed.
Sometimes courage is not a roar.... sometimes it is a silent whisper before you go to sleep that says "I will try again tomorrow."
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6726276 tn?1421126668
My friend had to make the difficult decision. She found a guy that owns 3 single family homes. He has 4 clients( patients) in each house.  
Her husband adjusted well, and she's very happy with the level of care.
I'm worried about your daughter. Her college time is very important for her future.   Parkinson's is a progressive disease. ( my mom has it)
  I'm concerned for you too. I went thru 8 medication changes. Still sick. Finally got a better qualified psychiatrist thru the hospital. She diagnosed me a little differently. I'm on all new medications. Very small 1/2 pills 2x pr day too. So the Mgs and the dosing make a big difference too.
Don't lose faith in all Pdocs. Plus there's increasing evidence that thyroid function is also to blame. I know you have your hands full, but go for tests.
  Rethink the situation. No matter your decision, we are here to support you.
  You can also start a new thread. Just post new question. Maxy
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794366 tn?1418009395
Trying to care for my mother is getting harder and harder all of the time. We have stopped using home health care agencies because of the quality of care givers that we were getting plus the expense so now my kid and I have gone the independent care giver route. Now they are bailing on us and we face possibly facing the shifts ourselves. My kid is in college and was getting great grades but now this semester she is not and that worries me. I am trying to hold it all together and using mindfulness, exercise, proper nutrition, and positive thinking because I know the psychiatrists alone won't offer me the mood stabilizer that I need. Mental health NOT mental illness is not an exact science. You go to them for help when you are at your most desperate times and the best they can offer you is the "hit and miss" method which they all use. They put you on Lithium, anit-psychotic, anti-epileptic, and other medicines that have nothing to do with your depression.
My daughter and I have no help from other family members and we are alone. She works and goes to college and came home completely frazzled and took her her biology exam and failed which is so unlike her. She was so upset that she was talking of quitting school altogether. I hope that was stress talking.
We are trying to face this together.......
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794366 tn?1418009395
Thank you. I will keep you updated.
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Avatar universal
Oh good. I hope the doc can help. Let us know how it goes. I am sending you virtual hugs again!
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794366 tn?1418009395
Hanging in there. Have doc appt on Wed. Hope he can help.
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794366 tn?1418009395
I loved when you said this, "It's a weird thing when the one with the mental illness diagnosis is more realistic and in touch than the ones without the diagnosis." Your words and other words that you said to me touched me deeply, so much so that I cried.
Thank you for looking for the Parkinson's support group in my state.
Also, my older brother who is POA does not believe in mental illness, he is a born again christian and wants to save my soul. Years ago when my father started showing signs of health problems my older brother told me as well as my younger brother that he wanted to put both of my parents away in a nursing home, but it wasn't so much what he said but how he said it. His tone was agitated and like he had enough. I don't understand why he would be that way when I live 2 miles from my parents and he lives in another city. He simply cannot handle any emotional situations. He won't  look you directly in the eyes when you have something important to say to him or he looks at my mom's mail or his phone. I feel dismissed. All he cares about are the receipts from the grocery shopping that I do for my mom. Three siblings raised the same way and one sister with her daughter are left with the care giving of their elderly, ill parents.
I've been called "crazy" all my life by my father and brothers. My mother just calls me "sick." Wow. Makes me feel great.I feel destroyed inside, like there is nothing left to give. My daughter and I try so hard every day.
I always had depression and anxiety from childhood and up and until recently I have been diagnosed with bipolar depression.
I used to walk the treadmill daily for 30 minutes but for the past 2 wks I am so physically exhausted that I am drained as soon as I wake up in the morning  and by mid-afternoon I am wiped out like someone drugged me. I am so sluggish that I just go straight to bed.
Thank you so much for hearing me out and for giving me your side of your story. It has helped to know that I am not alone.
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Avatar universal
I think you would be very amazed how "so not alone" and feeling abandonment by family members for one reason or another, and exactly like what you are going through. Dementia in someone you love is really hard to swallow. It hurts. My Dad had that too, and he was pretty much gone mentally. He wasn't the same man I knew. There were little threads of hin that popped out rarely. He was also a fall risk. Actually, so was my Mom, but a "little less" so. My Mom took care of him along with me when she had bad arthritis, and she was stubborn. The three of us were interesting together, and our personalities aren't exactly timid. I do remember a time when it was so bad when each of us had different ideas doing something as simple as dealing with a stubbornness and  what to do first lunch or shower, it was laughable in a very sick way. My Dad even laughed when we were laughing at the futility of our "discussion," and I am not even sure that he knew what he was laughing about. It ended where we just decided to forgo it, although I tried to coax eating bits and pieces of food mixed with his medication. There are struggles, and then, there are struggles. I don't know about you, but I often found it ironic that the people in the family who weren't so together and had really big health issues had to do the management and care taking and the healthy family members didn't get too involved or involved. I felt like even if I was in a coma, they would still expect me to be totally there plugging away,

I just looked up Parkinson support group for caregivers. I see a couple of organizations that may be helpful to you in your state, and maybe, they can give you a lead to something useful for you. You never know. Miracles and luck sometimes happen.  I know the situation  you are in all too well. Just a little bit of kindness towards you would help. For me, I would refuse help, mainly because my Dad had extreme paranoia, and I just couldn't deal with the fallout from that if someone strange came into the picture. Friends offered to help me. My other family members, just chalked it up to my bipolar disorder that I was not seeing things as they are, and it couldn't be that bad. They made up their own realities to suit what they wanted to see. That's the thing about people, you learn an awful lot of what they are capable of and what they aren't capable of, and their own coping mechanisms. It's a weird thing when the one with the mental illness diagnosis is more realistic and in touch than the ones without the diagnosis,

I used to have trouble falling alssep even when I was dead tired. Then, when the alarm sounds or I hear my name being called, I just dreaded that the day started. There were times I didn't even bother changing my clothes from day to nightwear. I remember, I even went to the grocery store in my pajamas, and didn't care one way or another. No one said a word to me to my face.

A friend of mine is going through the caregiving for her mother right now. I offered her help and she won't take it, but she will tell me what she is going through, The other friends and family of hers just don't want to hear about it, and she is angry and tired of hearing what an angel she is and what a strong woman she turned out to be, She suffers from depression. Last month, when I saw that she looked like she aged 30 years, and that she was moving like an agitated zombie and getting ready to see her mother to relieve the night nurse, I told her I was coming with her. She refused and said no, and I just said tough. I wasn't comfortable doing that, because she gave the same reasons I gave when my friends offered and insisted, and I just said, been there, done that, start driving. In the end, she told me not to do that again, but she also cried because it was something she really needed. We had "girls' night" afterwards, where we indulged in ice cream and did homemade facials. It was silly, but that's what people do when it gets tough. Caregiving is alot like a personal war zone.

Being that low and emptied out, I think it is time to call the doctor, therspist, your brother  and tell him, that you are definitely at casualty level, and there will be at least, 2 people and double the problems and the fallout like being more expensive and more demanding to deal with.

I also feel you are emotionally traumatized and grieivng on so many levels   along with feeling the depression. Besides feeling disappointed and abandoned by people. I think it is a good thing you get angry, because it means you care and not quite so empty to call out for help and take it. I wonder if it would be helpful if you can ask your doctor or your therapist to call up your brother with power of attorney, and say, the present plan is not going to work and the care restrictions that are imposed right now gets softened around the edges. Think of what you really need that you want  for support and write it down. Then present it to your brother. If he is that rigid, send it by certified mail to let him know it is pretty  serious, I didn't have power of attorney on paper either, but I was able to make things a lot better. I don't think I and my Mom would have lasted very long.

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794366 tn?1418009395
I am not doing well. I am severely depressed and physically I feel so sick. My doctor and counselor have offered no help in my situation. I have a younger and an older brother both of which do not help. The younger has dropped out of sight before the holidays and my older brother who has Power of Attorney is emotionally not there at all. When the going gets rough he just isn't there. So it is up to my daughter and myself to take care of everything.
I feel broken and a shell of a person. I took care of my dad for about 2 yrs. and he died last year and it was more physically exhaustive and he died in front of my mom, daughter, and I. My mom just has Parkinson's dementia and is a high fall risk. With her I am more emotionally and mentally exhausted.
I drag myself everyday out of bed and summon up what little energy I have. The depression is exhausting and debilitating. My daughter and I just need help but there is none.
Thank you for what you said yesterday it meant a great deal to me. I felt like you really understood what I have been through and am going through.
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Avatar universal
I forgot to add, how are you doing now?
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Avatar universal
It was the hardest thing I did taking care of a very sick parent at home for nearly 2 years, basically with no help from other family members except my Mom. We had a home aide, but it turned out she caused us more work than when she wasn't there, so we fired her.

Mindfulness helps but it doesn't really complete the support picture. My doctors and my therapist did support me. I always felt like I was near breaking point in the beginning, when I didn't have time to talk to them. They actually checked up on me by phone. My doctor did increase the antipsychotic med one time, but later, I said, it wasn't really helping and it was making things worse, because I was too tired to do anything, and caregiving is very tiring already. It's a 24 hours job. I know I didn't get much sleep, which as you know, is very bad for bipolar disorder.

It really helps to talk to someone. Not just meditate. I also prayed a lot, usually, asking for strength. It is really important to take time out for yourself, besides talking to someone. Talking is so important, because we go through a lot of really hard emotions and thoughts that just doesn't sound very nice or very kind, but they are there. I would check out and see if there are any caregiver groups out there. My psychiatrist was interested in talking about it, or more like for me to talk about it, and he just listened. Sometimes he had good suggestions. He didn't always fill out the prescription pad When he did, he would ask me if it would help. I asked my therapist to listen to me. That was all I wanted, and encouragement that I was doing the right thing by just taking a day off without feeling bad about it. I also talked to friends who were also in the same boat I was in. There are a lot of people out there taking care of very sick parents at home, and even though, they don't have bipolar disorder, we can all identify with what we were going through.  

It's been a few years since my father died. It was a miserable experience, but I was glad that I had the time I had with him, and I do miss him. I won't say that I would want to go through it again, but I have to say that there were moments during that time where there were poignant moments that I like hanging on to in my memories.
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1551327 tn?1514045867
Mindfulness books are great but they speak to a certain level of consciousness that may not be where some of us are at on the spectrum.  When we don't love ourselves it is hard to love anything or anybody else.  You seem like a very loving person and you do selfless things for your mother which you will be payed back for some day.
What do you do for yourself?
I like the phrase "Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing."
You do these things and you become attached to them.  The mindset that mindfulness is going to try to put you into is a place of awareness that puts you in the moment.  You can also gain a lot from meditation.  Sitting alone in a quiet room and noticing that nothing is getting done and nothing needs to be done by you....just for that short time.  Notcie how time keeps going while you are meditating but you are still like a tree.  In this state you can ask for the energy to keep going and it will be given to you.  You may ask for better concentration so that you may come out of the depression and it will come to you like everything else....gradually, then quickly.
Hang in there.  Never give up!
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6726276 tn?1421126668
Well just keep posting and we are your support group. I know how you feel. I'm sorry you're so exhausted.
Keep the faith and know all the good you do in life is our good karma.
  But please try to get out to your DBSA group. I sometimes worry all day I won't be able to go, but every time I've gone I've felt rejuvenated. Blessings.
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794366 tn?1418009395
Thank you for your response....it was so nice hearing from you knowing that I am not alone. You are right I do need to shop around and have joined DBSA and found a support group but the state that I am in now plus the low energy level it is a daily struggle to get whatever I can get done that is absolutely necessary for my kid and I and my mom. I know about self-compassion but I am physically exhausted as well as mentally, and emotionally exhausted even after a long night's sleep. I just take it one day at a time or I'll break down. Plus my daughter works and goes to college full-time. Sometimes it is a no win situation. We are trying our best to keep my mother out of the nursing home which is what my older brother (who has Power of Attorney) wants to do.
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6726276 tn?1421126668
Let me start by saying thank you to you for the love & care you give your mother. My mom has Parkinson's too. Although she had brain surgery and is still free from dementia.
  I listen to CDs. Like Ekhart Tolle, The power of now. It just depends on my mood. Sometimes I have terrific results & sometimes I get manic.
   If you're not happy with your present Pdoc, find a new one. I know this isn't easy, especially with insurance. But even a regular Dr can prescribe Wellbutrin or Cymbalta. Those are both good antidepressants for bipolar sufferers.
  Personally I've been reevaluated by my Pdoc ( one yr now). She's strengthened my meds for ADHD and taken me off antidepressants. It's a struggle to find the right bipolar cocktail.
  I couldn't tolerate lithium either. Now I take Geodone with adivan at night.
   So, I suggest you do some exploring. Find better medical care. Medications as you know are not with out side effects. But some are easier to tolerate.
  Also if you can get into a support group thru NAMI or DBSA. It's free and talk therapy is part of staying a healthy bipolar.  Maxy
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794366 tn?1418009395
I am so stressed out too that I am losing weight as well and you're right about the mindfulness books. How can you read a book or control your thoughts when you are severely depressed and your mind is racing with all kind of terrible thoughts about yourself and your future.
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Avatar universal
I'm way stressed out as well, to the point where I'm actually losing weight, and I'm on seroquel which I thought was supposed to make you gain! I also bought some mindfulness books. I started reading one and it was all talking about love and how love will make your life better, and I was like how can I make myself love every day of my life when I pretty much want to scream and stab myself in the face every morning when I wake up?! I don't know. Maybe later in the book it will explain.

So. Stressed I am as well.

Hopefully these books will help us.

It sounds like you're really going through a tough time. I am sending you hugs and hope things get better.
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