Has anyone experienced sudden, uncontrollable rage as a symptom of BP? I'm not medicated yet (doctors deciding what's best at the moment, should be starting next week), so I know it's not that.
I scared the hell out of myself last night. I was doing weights in my home gym, and I couldn't do as many pull-ups as I wanted to - that was all, and I went totally mental. I kicked my gym ball around the room, punched the door a couple of times then took my gloves off and punched through it (OK, it's not a heavy door - but on the other hand, I'm a 5'6" pretty blond girl who weighs less than nine stone). I also shattered the mirror I keep in the gym to check my form - I threw a dumbbell through it. Even after all that, I was still so livid that I wanted to break things, leave the house and run for miles (I hate running), beat the hell out of someone - anything to run away from how I was feeling. None of these things were options, so I paced for ages and then jumped on the cross trainer and worked so hard I made myself throw up.
It was really, really scary, because if someone had crossed my path last night I genuinely think I would have done them real harm. The worst thing - and I want to cry even thinking about this - is that I have two cats, and if one of them had come in last night I'm pretty sure I would have hurt her.
I've never felt like that before, and it really scared me to be so out of control. Has anyone felt anything like that? Do you know anything that might help if it happens again? I'd really appreciate any advice from anyone who has experience in anything like this.
Crikey, sounds like you had a bit of a blow out to say the least. I noticed you aren't using the mood tracker on this site at the moment, I'd load it and start using it just to track your moods better and it will help provide some info for your doctor. Certainly looks like you were manic ot me with the running and pacing, I've certainly done that. The rage though worries me as I'm sure it scared you.
Hope you didn't hurt yourself and give you cats a cuddle for me.
Yes, I have sudden burst of anger and rage. The burst come on just as fast as my mania, quick, no warning and intense. I am trying to get control of my anger but it is tought when there is no warning.
I am taking a mood stabilizer and antidespressant. I should also be taking Risperdal (antiphyscotic) for anger but I am not. I am working on recognize my triggers and avoid them. Luckily it doesn't happen too often now that I no longer work and my stress level is down. But, it is very scarey because it does come on so quick....just, bam!
Have you told your doctor you are having issues with anger? Anger and rage is not a stranger to bipolar and mood stabilizers or antiphyscotics are helpful. Best of luck to you. Wine and Roses.
Wow, what you've described sounds a lot like what I've experienced in the past. Basically, my body gets hijacked by the anger, and it feels like the only way to get it out of me is to break anything within reach. I also get that strong desire to run far, far away that you described (I hate running too). For me this can be triggered by agitation as well as rage. I've never successfully punched through a wall, but I've certainly tried. Anyone that gets in my way is going to get screamed at. I lose complete control, and it scares me.
This stuff really only happens during my more manic times. Normally, I'm laid back and respectful. I let things roll off my back. I deal with setbacks and I stay composed when faced with challenges and problems. I like being that calm rock when everyone else is freaking out, basically. But when hypo/manic, I am just constantly irritable. It becomes my baseline, and I will snap when confronted by anything that gets in my way when trying to get somewhere or do something. Everyone is going too slow and everything that anyone does is a personal slight to me. My mind is racing, so I can't really keep track of where it's going, and then it just runs off, out of my control. I have so many things I want to do but the whole world is standing in my way. When looking back, I can't identify with that person at all. It's weird and scary to think about.
A story that I often use to illustrate this state is the following, because it describes the bizarre and out of control form it can take: One time a stranger on the street tried to get me to stop, but I brushed him off. In response he said something only mildly offensive that nobody, including my normal self, would get upset about. I automatically turned into a scary ball of rage. I tracked him down on the busiest street in the area, and when I found him I got in his face and started shoving him and screaming. He ran away across the street, but I followed him on the other side shouting and snarling. I think he was taken aback that a relatively normal looking young woman heading towards the university campus would become this physically aggressive animal all of a sudden. I couldn't calm down for the entire day, and I talked the ear off of anyone who would listen to me rant about that encounter and about my other weird ideas and about what pissed me off in the world. I just wanted to kick and punch and scream, and crawl out of my skin. I've never managed to hurt anyone, and thankfully I've never tried to hurt someone that I care about. But to be honest I'm scared that it could happen some day if, god forbid, I find myself in that state of mind again. I'm addressing anger management in therapy right now to make sure that doesn't happen, and so that the overall damage is minimized.
Ugh, that feeling is awful. I'm sorry you're experiencing it right now! From the sound of it, it's a pretty strong and irrational feeling, so maybe it might be helpful to mention it to your doctor. It might be a sign that your mood is shifting into an irritable hypomania. I wish I had some sage advice to offer, but I'm still working on it as well!
I totally understand what you are saying as i have had similar situations where I went off on someone so quick and unexpected with such anger and rage..it is scary to see yourself with this behavior..this is so out of character for me. I hate it. Once I went into a quick fired anger at work and walked over to a girl at her desk and had the intent of hitting her, thank God I was able to talk myself down. It scares me that someday I will actually hurt someone.
i have random burst of rage that dont last long ant it kinda worries me cause im a person that stays com and active but like last night i woke up and just wanted to hit something so i did but it didnt satisfy me and i couldnt go back to sleep. also one day i was having a really good day at school but as soon as i walked in the door from school i just freaked out and hit my door now thiers a hole in it . my mom looked at me like i was crazy and i told what had happened and she says i had a stressfull but i didnt have stressfull day i had a extremly good day that day. i the burst if rage dont last long but it is irrtating when it happens cause i have better things to do then punch things randomly for a burst of rage and it worries me.
In response to your post i once had quite a manic episode that was induced through a mix of coke alcohol zanex and weed over a 2 day period. I was in great spirits and really excited about this new job i got and went out partying with a few friends. Everything was fine in the night of partying and the next day I got a little weed since i hadnt smoked in weeks and recently did a full body cleanse program. Ended up smoking 1 hit of weed and started feeling very strange (which doesnt make sense since i smoked like 10 times a day through college that i finished like 6 months earlier. Started getting rushing thoughts and told my roomate that big brother was watching us and felt like people were out to get me. Was by myself that night and proceeded to organize all my belongings into what i then thought was either classified as good or evil. After doing that for while i got more and more paranoid and started essentially preparing my apartment for war. Had some type of object that i now saw as a weapon stashed in like 20 spots all throughout my place. Ended up disabling my phone putting water in my computers battery and drinking out of it? Then i started breaking ****, my microwave, range, punched hole in wall, shattered my window with my fist. Eventually a security guard came by and i almost convinced him that i needed his gun to secure the perimeter and told him i had a molotov cocktail which was just a bottle of lavender oil with tissue in it... Luckily nothing bad went down but i can definitely relate to your uncontrollable thoughts/anger stuff. Would advise to talk to a doctor psychiatrist about your situation as there are better medicines on the market now. Would not advise to use Abilify as i threw up few times a day got addicted to cigarettes and could pretty much not even sit still using that **** and still passed the last 2 quarters of college. Risperdal seems to work well for me if you want to do research on it. Good luck and hope everything turns out well for you and glad your cat is not hurt. :)
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